Curbing the "Well MY Mom Says..."

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have a 4yo little boy who is pretty new. I'm having a difficult time curbing certain behaviors.

One is that he will tell his Mom/Dad at pick up what he wants to do/wants to take and 95% of the time the parent will say okay. Even when I correct it, they'll still say okay or they will say, "Well, so-and-so says...." with a very soft voice as the child is doing what I just said not to do. I have to intervene every time.

Today, I have made it so there is a far less chance of these behaviors happening by rearranging things. However, throughout the entire day I heard, "Well MY Mom says I can do that here." "Well MY Dad says I can do that when he gets here." "Well MY Mom says I can get that home with me."

It gets to be obnoxious and I'm not successfully curbing it or his constant sass with this and other things. Help, please.

[Leigh]

I have a 4yo little boy who is pretty new. I'm having a difficult time curbing certain behaviors.

One is that he will tell his Mom/Dad at pick up what he wants to do/wants to take and 95% of the time the parent will say okay. Even when I correct it, they'll still say okay or they will say, "Well, so-and-so says...." with a very soft voice as the child is doing what I just said not to do. I have to intervene every time.

Today, I have made it so there is a far less chance of these behaviors happening by rearranging things. However, throughout the entire day I heard, "Well MY Mom says I can do that here." "Well MY Dad says I can do that when he gets here." "Well MY Mom says I can get that home with me."

It gets to be obnoxious and I'm not successfully curbing it or his constant sass with this and other things. Help, please.

Two things have worked for me:

1) This is my house and your mom doesn't make the rules here. You follow my rules at my house and your mom's rules at her house.

2) When I KNOW that the child isn't telling the truth, I ask their parents in front of the child. "Do you really let XXX jump on the couch at home? He was doing it here today, and said that YOU said it was OK".

3) Today, a child told me that Mom told him not to nap. I know he is telling the truth. I'm letting him not nap. He will make it until about 4:30 and fall asleep on the couch. Mom will have to wake him when she gets here and will be annoyed that he is sleeping so late in the day. I won't hear about not taking a nap again for a few weeks, and he'll say it again. I usually respond to kids that they will take a rest at my house whether their mom says it's OK or not. Not with this one. I'm going to let her deal with his attitude when he misses nap.

[DaveA]

Two things have worked for me:

1) This is my house and your mom doesn't make the rules here. You follow my rules at my house and your mom's rules at her house

Pretty much how I handle it

[Cat Herder]

Go old school.

Active ignore.

"Go play toys"

No further discussion. You are busy.

No further power play.

[KiwiKids]

My house, my rules. Repeat it over and over. When parents disregard the rules it is always an uphill battle though. I ran into two of my former daycare kids last week and they have a new step brother that is a bit wild. They told their mom "He wouldn't act like that at Miss. Kiwikids' house" glad I made an impression! Haha

[AmyKidsCo]

I have a 4yo little boy who is pretty new. I'm having a difficult time curbing certain behaviors.

One is that he will tell his Mom/Dad at pick up what he wants to do/wants to take and 95% of the time the parent will say okay. Even when I correct it, they'll still say okay or they will say, "Well, so-and-so says...." with a very soft voice as the child is doing what I just said not to do. I have to intervene every time.

If what he wants to do/take isn't at your house you really don't have and control over it so try not to waste energy getting bothered by it.

Today, I have made it so there is a far less chance of these behaviors happening by rearranging things. However, throughout the entire day I heard, "Well MY Mom says I can do that here." "Well MY Dad says I can do that when he gets here." "Well MY Mom says I can get that home with me."

It gets to be obnoxious and I'm not successfully curbing it or his constant sass with this and other things. Help, please.

Your house, your rules. "Your mom/dad isn't in charge here, I am." And walk away or ignore further arguing. Another one I've used is "Nope, not here, but you can at home!"

If it continues to be a problem I'd talk to mom and dad directly. It's not cool if they are undermining your authority, but there's a good chance he's making it all up and they have no idea.

[finsup]

For new kids, I do "our houses have different rules. Here I expect you to..." once they know they rules and are just doing it to be annoying etc it's ignored completely.
However i would be having a chat with the parents on what the rules are here, not undermining your authority and stop with the "dck can do this here" when they can't. If dcm or dcd says something is ok at pick up I would very quickly respond with "No, im sorry dcm, in my home that is NOT ok. Dcb, you were told to...etc and correct the behavior.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

If what he wants to do/take isn't at your house you really don't have and control over it so try not to waste energy getting bothered by it.


Your house, your rules. "Your mom/dad isn't in charge here, I am." And walk away or ignore further arguing. Another one I've used is "Nope, not here, but you can at home!"

If it continues to be a problem I'd talk to mom and dad directly. It's not cool if they are undermining your authority, but there's a good chance he's making it all up and they have no idea.

What he wants to do is at my house (get on the stairway which his parents allow upon pick up time, open and close my front door, etc.) and what he wants to take are items that he isn't going to take (art supplies lately :: ).
The latest short things I have been saying are, "This is Ms.___'s preschool. My toys/supplies stay here." or "This is Ms.___'s preschool so I make the rules here. Your mommy and daddy make the rules at YOUR house."

Unfortunately, they ARE undermining my authority. For example:
Me: "Please do not touch the doorknob."
Child: "Dad, can I touch the doorknob?"
Dad: "Okay, son."
Me: "No, I'm sorry but at preschool he cannot touch the front door."
Child: "Dad, I can touch it right?"
Dad: "You can help me close it from the outside just don't touch the inside."

[Blackcat31]

Go old school.

Active ignore.

"Go play toys"

No further discussion. You are busy.

No further power play.

This ^^

Anything else and you are simply giving him attention.

As for mom/dad allowing him to do certain things, I'd straight up say "He knows that he is not allowed to do X because I said so."

Sadly sometimes you have to let parents know YOU are the boss in your business/house too.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Thanks for all the advice! I will give it a go and see how it goes.

I have also been correcting it when the parent tries to manipulate around my rules but they still do it once I turn my back and leave. I can still SEE them from the toy room to the entryway. The child hasn't had computer time here (5 minutes per day) due to his lack of following the rules. Every day he walks in and announces that he followed the rules ENTERING. I tell him, "Yesterday evening you DIDN'T follow the rules when you ___." to which he replies, "Today, I followed the rules." It can go on endlessly because he LOVES to argue. I just say, "We've already discussed this. Play time."

[Blackcat31]

Unfortunately, they ARE undermining my authority. For example:
Me: "Please do not touch the doorknob."
Child: "Dad, can I touch the doorknob?"
Dad: "Okay, son."
Me: "No, I'm sorry but at preschool he cannot touch the front door."
Child: "Dad, I can touch it right?"
Dad: "You can help me close it from the outside just don't touch the inside."

You: "Dad, it is important that you do not give him permission to do things I just told him he cannot do. Helping you do exactly what he isn't suppose to do is NOT helping the situation. Please do not do that again."

Then just give the "I mean business" look.

[Rockgirl]

Maybe it's time to have a discussion with the parents about it, letting them know you will no longer tolerate the undermining.

[Unregistered]

I had one like this where ignoring didn't work. So I used it back on him. Every time he said, "my mom says...", I would confuse him by saying something MY mom told me. He would just look at me like, "whaaaaat?" It got old quick for him.

[Rockgirl]

I had one like this where ignoring didn't work. So I used it back on him. Every time he said, "my mom says...", I would confuse him by saying something MY mom told me. He would just look at me like, "whaaaaat?" It got old quick for him.

I like it!

[nanglgrl]

I had one like this where ignoring didn't work. So I used it back on him. Every time he said, "my mom says...", I would confuse him by saying something MY mom told me. He would just look at me like, "whaaaaat?" It got old quick for him.

I've done this for different situations before and every time I can't help but wonder if it actually works because they think I might be off my rocker and are smart enough to know you can't argue with crazy.