The Kid Who Won't Try

[Unregistered]

Newer 3 year old, expects everyone to do things for him. All of my 3 year olds can put on their shoes, coats, play clothes, etc. This dcb won't even try.
If I ask him to try to put on his shoes, he throws a huge fit. He won't even bring me his shoes - even hand them to me if they are next to him. He expects me to get up, get the shoes and put them on him. I refuse to do this, so I hear a lot of fits and tantrums. He also won't even consider potty training.

How do I make this little guy more independent?

[NillaWafers]

I have a DCG3 who is like this. To get her to put her shoes on, I let the other kids who put their shoes on out. If she refuses she comes with me, no shoes and all, and sits with me until they are on. I will not let her play until they are on. A few minutes of watching the other kids convinces her that maybe putting her own shoes on is a good idea.

I also notice her parents put them on for her and have suggested they make her do it herself since she is perfectly capable. She goes through these phases of wanting things done for her when she is feeling insecure I think (parents are divorced, lots of turmoil, not a lot of routine at home).

[AmyKidsCo]

I have a dcb like this. I've noticed that if he refuses long enough the parents give in and do it for him.

I wait him out. If it's for something like putting shoes on to go outside he goes out barefoot and sits on the patio until his shoes are on.

He's slowly learning that I'm more stubborn than he is and when I say "YOU try" I mean it.

[Controlled Chaos]

I reward those who DO and ignore those who DON'T.
"Everyone who is standing by the gate with shoes on by the time I have water bottles ready will get a treat/sticker/M&M/high5/patontheback etc today!" They never know what I will give them and I don't always give them anything BUT but when I am really trying to train a child to do it on their own I will give more treats for a bit. It has really helped. If 6 kids are ready and 2 are playing with their shoes or whatever I reward those who are ready and then help the others put their shoes on while saying "too bad you didn't get a treat today, we will try again tomorrow."

[NillaWafers]

I reward those who DO and ignore those who DON'T.
"Everyone who is standing by the gate with shoes on by the time I have water bottles ready will get a treat/sticker/M&M/high5/patontheback etc today!" They never know what I will give them and I don't always give them anything BUT but when I am really trying to train a child to do it on their own I will give more treats for a bit. It has really helped. If 6 kids are ready and 2 are playing with their shoes or whatever I reward those who are ready and then help the others put their shoes on while saying "too bad you didn't get a treat today, we will try again tomorrow."

I need to do this more, I know it works, but I get caught up in being frustrated!

[childcaremom]

I have a dcb like this. I've noticed that if he refuses long enough the parents give in and do it for him.

I wait him out. If it's for something like putting shoes on to go outside he goes out barefoot and sits on the patio until his shoes are on.

He's slowly learning that I'm more stubborn than he is and when I say "YOU try" I mean it.

This is how I do it, too. I encourage 'trying' and 'attempts' right from the get go and by age 2 expect it. A 3 yo would sit and watch friends play until they put their shoes on.

[Unregistered]

OP here. I'm really good at waiting little guy out- just tired of the tantrums. He can go for 30 minutes screaming (screaming!) at me while I ignore the behavior. It's mentally exhausting.