3.5 Yo Started 6 Months Ago - Still Crying At Drop-Off

[Aneta]

Hi,

I am a parent of a 3.5 yo who started at a day care center 6 months ago and is still crying at drop-off almost every day. Can any of you share ideas of what can I do to help, something you might have seen other parents do or something you did yourself as a provider to help such a child.

I already tried the more usual things like having a special item from home with the child, acting positive about the center, explaining, giving extra attention.

I will add that the center has cameras that parent's can view remotely so I can see that there is nothing bad happening to the child. No other child is picking on mine or teacher acting inappropriately.

Thank you.

[laundrymom]

Be firm w him?
If you are giving the undesired attention extra attention,
You are, in a sense, rewarding for undesired attention.
In other words.
You are giving a barking dog a cookie.
(If your dog barks when someone shows up at the door and you give him a cookie, the next time someone comes to the door he will bark and expect a cookie.
Before long he figures out that every time he barks he gets a cookie.)
Kids learn the same way. When you give extra attention after u desired attention, you are teaching him how to get more.

I'd simply drop him off, walk away and not mention the fits. Ask teacher to inform him that when he's done fussing. He can join the group and to walk away from him.

[Play Care]

Be firm w him?
If you are giving the undesired attention extra attention,
You are, in a sense, rewarding for undesired attention.
In other words.
You are giving a barking dog a cookie.
(If your dog barks when someone shows up at the door and you give him a cookie, the next time someone comes to the door he will bark and expect a cookie.
Before long he figures out that every time he barks he gets a cookie.)
Kids learn the same way. When you give extra attention after u desired attention, you are teaching him how to get more.

I'd simply drop him off, walk away and not mention the fits. Ask teacher to inform him that when he's done fussing. He can join the group and to walk away from him.

Yup.

[Leigh]

Be firm w him?
If you are giving the undesired attention extra attention,
You are, in a sense, rewarding for undesired attention.
In other words.
You are giving a barking dog a cookie.
(If your dog barks when someone shows up at the door and you give him a cookie, the next time someone comes to the door he will bark and expect a cookie.
Before long he figures out that every time he barks he gets a cookie.)
Kids learn the same way. When you give extra attention after u desired attention, you are teaching him how to get more.

I'd simply drop him off, walk away and not mention the fits. Ask teacher to inform him that when he's done fussing. He can join the group and to walk away from him.

Absolutely. If you stand at the entrance and cuddle him, promising to return soon, trying to calm him, you're feeding the problem and telling him that yes, daycare is scary, and you can keep mom here as long as you keep crying. Prep him in the car, prep him on the way to the door of the center (it is time for mom to go to work, and for you to go to daycare. I'll be back after work to pick you up. Have fun playing today!). Hand him off to the teacher and walk away. Don't stop to hug and encourage crying-take care of it before you walk in. Once you walk in, hand off should take 3 seconds-See you after work, bye! Turn, walk away. It sounds mean, but it IS what works. Your confidence gives your child confidence.

[laundrymom]

. Your confidence gives your child confidence.

This needs repeated!!!!!!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Absolutely. If you stand at the entrance and cuddle him, promising to return soon, trying to calm him, you're feeding the problem and telling him that yes, daycare is scary, and you can keep mom here as long as you keep crying. Prep him in the car, prep him on the way to the door of the center (it is time for mom to go to work, and for you to go to daycare. I'll be back after work to pick you up. Have fun playing today!). Hand him off to the teacher and walk away. Don't stop to hug and encourage crying-take care of it before you walk in. Once you walk in, hand off should take 3 seconds-See you after work, bye! Turn, walk away. It sounds mean, but it IS what works. Your confidence gives your child confidence.

Bingo!

[happymom]

I am a parent of a little boy who had problems with drop offs around that age (more-so when he was a little younger). It was bad, he would start his crying as soon as we pulled in and our daycare provider literally needed to pull him off of me.

The best thing I did was give him "homework" or a thank you card every day (usually just a coloring page) that he could bring back each morning and show his teacher. He would spend a lot of time on it, and he was proud of it and happy to go.

We no longer need to do the "homework" thing. Prepping him in the morning for drop off honestly never really helped us. I needed something to take his mind off the fact that I was leaving him and give him something to be excited about. Even now (he's 4) he has hard mornings, he's quiet and shy and just not a morning person....where he doesn't want me to leave, but on Fridays (show and tell day) we never have a problem.