Why Don't They Listen??

[jenboo]

I have two 1.5 yr olds who like to ignore me. They just stare at me like I'm speaking a different language. I've tried saying things different ways. They know what I'm saying but won't do it until I physically help them or I raise my voice/use a stern tone (which I obviously don't want to do).
I've never worked with littles like this before and I have worked with a ton of littles.
Any advice?

Some examples said multiple ways are
Come here
Sit down
Pick that up
Give that back
...

I'm at a loss.

[jenboo]

Oops double posted

[permanentvacation]

Use a deep man's voice. Not yelling. Just a deep man's voice demanding them to do something. Kind of like a drill sergeant.

Many children completely ignore their mother, yet will immediately obey their father. If the mother gets upset and starts that whiny girly higher pitched cry/yell/demand thing that women do, the kids ignore them even more and seem to think that the woman is just losing it and has no authority capabilities at all. But let the father come into the room and in a deep man's voice, command to the child, "Johnny, pick your book up and put it on the shelf." Johnny most likely will immediately pick that book up.

So, if the child is in the habit of ignoring his/her mother at home, you might need to make your voice sound more like a man's commanding voice in order for that child to obey you. After some time, different kids, it takes a different amount of time, but after some time goes by of them obeying you with your 'man voice', you can start softening up your voice slowly over a few days until you get back to your regular tone. After he/she's gotten used to obeying you, he/she should obey you when you speak in your normal tone of voice.

[permanentvacation]

It also simply might be that their parents never tell them to do anything. The parents might do everything for them from pick them up and sit them in the chair to clean up their toys. So the children might honestly not have a clue that you are giving them a command and that you expect them to do something for themselves. If that's the case, then I would state the command and if they just look at you, go get them by their hand and make them walk to the chair and make them sit themselves in the chair, the whole time saying, "Johnny, I told you to go sit in the chair, now you need to go to the chair and sit down in the chair." Or if it's that they won't pick toys up, I would take them by their hand, and literally move their body towards the toys, make them reach out, put their hand on the toy and tell them "Pick the toy up, come on, get it, get the toy, pick the toy up so you can put it away." and keep doing that for each toy you want them to pick up.

Again, after some time of doing that, you can start just standing close to them and telling them to pick the toys up, naming and pointing to one toy at a time while saying, "Johnny, go pick that blue Lego up" (after they pick it up) then say, "Put it on the shelf" and point to the shelf. After some time of that, they should start cleaning up when you tell them to without you having to walk them through the steps.

[Controlled Chaos]

Use a deep man's voice. Not yelling. Just a deep man's voice demanding them to do something. Kind of like a drill sergeant.

Many children completely ignore their mother, yet will immediately obey their father. If the mother gets upset and starts that whiny girly higher pitched cry/yell/demand thing that women do, the kids ignore them even more and seem to think that the woman is just losing it and has no authority capabilities at all. But let the father come into the room and in a deep man's voice, command to the child, "Johnny, pick your book up and put it on the shelf." Johnny most likely will immediately pick that book up.

So, if the child is in the habit of ignoring his/her mother at home, you might need to make your voice sound more like a man's commanding voice in order for that child to obey you. After some time, different kids, it takes a different amount of time, but after some time goes by of them obeying you with your 'man voice', you can start softening up your voice slowly over a few days until you get back to your regular tone. After he/she's gotten used to obeying you, he/she should obey you when you speak in your normal tone of voice.

I think that is a little sexist and outdated... no trying to start a fight but found it a little off putting.

My children and dog listen to me more than my DH, not because of my gender but because I am more consistent, firm and will predictably have a logical consequence at the ready.

That age is hard (for me at least!) as they are between being babies and children. If the children I have around that age (11m, 19m and 28m) don't react the first time I ask them to do something, I get up and show/help them right away or remove the problematic toy, walk them out of the bathroom "no playing in the bathroom", etc. Consistency I'm sure others will have more ideas too.

[jenboo]

I think that is a little sexist and outdated... no trying to start a fight but found it a little off putting.

My children and dog listen to me more than my DH, not because of my gender but because I am more consistent, firm and will predictably have a logical consequence at the ready.

That age is hard (for me at least!) as they are between being babies and children. If the children I have around that age (11m, 19m and 28m) don't react the first time I ask them to do something, I get up and show/help them right away or remove the problematic toy, walk them out of the bathroom "no playing in the bathroom", etc. Consistency I'm sure others will have more ideas too.

It's just so weird because it's not even negative things. Like I'll get paint out and tell them to come to the table to paint and they just stare at me and don't move.

[jenboo]

It also simply might be that their parents never tell them to do anything. The parents might do everything for them from pick them up and sit them in the chair to clean up their toys. So the children might honestly not have a clue that you are giving them a command and that you expect them to do something for themselves. If that's the case, then I would state the command and if they just look at you, go get them by their hand and make them walk to the chair and make them sit themselves in the chair, the whole time saying, "Johnny, I told you to go sit in the chair, now you need to go to the chair and sit down in the chair." Or if it's that they won't pick toys up, I would take them by their hand, and literally move their body towards the toys, make them reach out, put their hand on the toy and tell them "Pick the toy up, come on, get it, get the toy, pick the toy up so you can put it away." and keep doing that for each toy you want them to pick up.

Again, after some time of doing that, you can start just standing close to them and telling them to pick the toys up, naming and pointing to one toy at a time while saying, "Johnny, go pick that blue Lego up" (after they pick it up) then say, "Put it on the shelf" and point to the shelf. After some time of that, they should start cleaning up when you tell them to without you having to walk them through the steps.

They know exactly what I'm saying because if I start walking towards them to help them, they do what ever I was asking of them.

[permanentvacation]

It's not sexist nor outdated. It happens to me often with many of my new kids that I have gotten as recently as one of my new kids a couple of months ago. Women STILL tell their children, right in front of me in my daycare just a couple of months ago, 'Wait til I tell your father.' So, no, it's not outdated. and if that's simply how some families are, then I'm not being sexist, I'm just stating a fact that some parents are like that with their children and that might be the situation with the kids the OP is talking about.

[permanentvacation]

Okay, then they are probably just waiting for you to assert authority. Maybe their parents count to 3 or 5 before they actually expect their children to obey them. And the kids have learned that they can keep on doing whatever they want until the parent gets to 3 or 5 and starts coming toward them to yell at them or spank them. Many kids will ignore the adult until they know that they are getting the negative consequence. I've had plenty of kids like that. I can tell them over and over again to do something, but they won't do a dang thing until I get up and start walking towards them. It irritates the mess out of me. Then I start fussing with them and reprimand them for making me get up in order for them to do what I say. So then I start telling them what to do, give them a second or so to obey me and if they don't start moving, I tell them in my 'man voice' "Don't make me have to get up! You know what I'm telling you! Now go clean up!"

[permanentvacation]

Many of my parents tell me on the interview that the child won't listen to the mother but will immediately listen to the father. I tell all of those women to get a 'man voice' for a while. After they hire me and use the 'man voice' at home, in a couple of weeks, they start telling me that the child has started listening to the mother.

[Ariana]

Stop losing control by getting angry. Very calmly bring them to the toy and lead them to pick it up by holding their hand. Then say "would you like me to help you with the next one or do it by yourself?" Always offer them that choice first, if they just stabd and stare, lead them to pick up...over and over until they get it. Whatever you do don't get angry.

[Unregistered]

Be more specific.
Say " Johnny sit down on the floor in this spot and point to the spot" or "Mary, give Johnny back his toy right now"

[KiddieCahoots]

Separate the two to work with them individually.
Like the saying goes..."safety in numbers".
Not saying it is a safety issue, but that the whole needs to be divided, but to work with the whole, you need to get to the neucular. One at a time.

[jenboo]

Stop losing control by getting angry. Very calmly bring them to the toy and lead them to pick it up by holding their hand. Then say "would you like me to help you with the next one or do it by yourself?" Always offer them that choice first, if they just stabd and stare, lead them to pick up...over and over until they get it. Whatever you do don't get angry.

I try very hard to not show any frustration. It gets hard by Friday though ::

[jenboo]

Separate the two to work with them individually.
Like the saying goes..."safety in numbers".
Not saying it is a safety issue, but that the whole needs to be divided, but to work with the whole, you need to get to the neucular. One at a time.

This makes since.
dcg1 is the leader.
Dcg2 is the copy cat.

Once dcg1 gets picked up, dcg2 listens no problem.