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this dcg will make a nest in a corner and pile it with stuff and then block it off with chairs that she has to climb over to get in there. i don't allow dumping or hoarding toys but somehow she has managed to build her nest without detection for the last few days. She will sometimes let others in her corner, sometimes she won't. Do I continue to stop it or just let her keep doing it? I haven't had any experience with a nester or hoarder before.
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How old is she?
I'd allow it as long as she's not taking toys from others or they aren't clammoring to use whatever it is she's hoarding. And, as long as she's cleaning it up when done.
Don't you just wish you could curl up in your own little nest sometimes?
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I call it bogarting
Animal experts call it "resource guarding"
And no... they aren't allowed to hoarde anything. She doesn't own the toys so she doesn't get to decide where groups of toys are and who can have access to them or not.
The best way to cure it is to allow her to "build" it and then remove her from it and have the other kids play exclusively in it. A couple of times of her building and saving off the best for the OTHER kids will get her to stop doing it.
She can do it.. but only FOR the other kids. She can sit and watch them enjoy what she has done for THEM.Comment
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I have a couple of kids who like to do this and as long as they follow the above guidelines, I don't have a problem with it. They're having fun and for the most part, aren't bothering anyone.Comment
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I have a 2yo dcb who hides behind tables and in tents and brings toys in there. I dont think it is bad at all, I think he just wants some quiet time or peaceful time. As long as I can see him and he didnt take toys from someone else and nobody else is waiting to use it, then who cares.
So much of their life is controlled I try to only make rules when really necessary.Comment
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LOVE Nannyde's advice!Comment
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thanks all, she is 3. I have been trying to not make a big deal yet, but she doesn't want to clean it, she wants to leave it and do something else and go back later. today she put all of our cars and dinosaurs in there so there were none left for anyone else to play with. i think i'll try NannyDe's advice and see if that goes anywhere. This is also a girl who gets attached to certain things very easily so I don't want to let it go too far.Comment
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It'll work.
They should never be attached to something that is in regular play beyond the play times. I make them clean up on a regular basis during play times and before each transition. I don't allow them to "leave up" anything that is in regular play.
If you allow them to hoard/reserve you will see that it stops good play. They become fixated on the guarding and keeping rather than the playing.
I'm not talking about crafts or special projects. I'm talking specifically what they do with the everyday available toys that are out in your play area.
The way you will know her intent is how she reacts to you turning over her area to the other kids without her. If she is NOT hoarding/reserving then she will willingly do something else while the kids enjoy her "good work". If she protests their involvement then she has CLAIMED the toys as her own.
It's okay for my kids to build without interference. If they are building or creating something and they want to use those toys to creat then that is cool. It's when what they build becomes a container or sorts for them to reserve the toys or area as their own that becomes a problem. Their purpose is to claim and keep instead of create. Big difference.
When building my toy collections I have purposely made sure I have a really good amount of the key pieces in toys sets that at least two or more kids can play side by side and have the best pieces. When I see one of the kids reserving ALL the good pieces then I know they are not really playing but hoarding. When I see them guard it and spend their energy keeping the others away from it then I know it's not playing at ALL.
The only way to really know for sure is to offer what she has reserved to the other kids without her and see how she reacts. If she willingly gives it away knowing she can recreate it again at any time then it is playing. If she has any problem with any other kid wanting it then she is not playing.
I want them to PLAY when they are at my house. I don't want a minute of their time spent guarding. Play is good for them... guarding does NOTHING for them developmentally. It only causes problems and I want play not problems.Comment
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To me, as long as they didn't take a toy from anyone else, and nobody else is upset because the nester has what they want, then it's all good. Let them play!! If it becomes an altercation, then I'd do whatever was necessary. Like kendallina said, sometimes they just want to build a little nest and curl up. It's like building a fort... they feel like it's their own little corner of the world momentarily. It's all good.
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This, this, this. My DD does this, although is perfectly happy to share her "tent", "house", or whatever she's calling it with some of the dcks (the ones who are least likely to tear it apart). I let her. I help protect the nest from those intent on destruction (the littles).To me, as long as they didn't take a toy from anyone else, and nobody else is upset because the nester has what they want, then it's all good. Let them play!! If it becomes an altercation, then I'd do whatever was necessary. Like kendallina said, sometimes they just want to build a little nest and curl up. It's like building a fort... they feel like it's their own little corner of the world momentarily. It's all good.Hee hee! Look, I have a signature!Comment
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