4 Year Old Doesn't Want To Listen

[lilmonkeys]

I have a 4 year old that almost refuses to follow all directions. he had been coming here for 7 months. for about the past 5 months he seems to ignore all forms of direction and rules I give him. he is gone 1 day out of the week and that one day he is gone all the other kids listen and daycare is calm etc. then when he is here its complete chaos all day. I like his parents so I try to work with them a lot but it's starting to get very frustrating. is it OK to charge more for a difficult child as such, or better to just provide a term notice.
suggestions please. thank you

[KiwiKids]

I always try and work with parents first and then if a month later we don't have significant improvement I will term. Especially when the group dynamic is affected so badly. It has only happened twice in my 11 years but each time it was the right decision.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I always try and work with parents first and then if a month later we don't have significant improvement I will term. Especially when the group dynamic is affected so badly. It has only happened twice in my 11 years but each time it was the right decision.

If you can't get it under control then you can either term or you can cope until he leaves. I have tried to "make it work" with families in the past because I liked the parents but I ultimately end up terming because dealing with that for over 1-1.5 years wears you out.

I understand how exhausting it is. I have a new child (also a 4yo boy) who is very much so like this but there isn't an option of not listening, really. You can either listen or you can go sit at the table and work on an activity by yourself. If you won't budge, then I'll lead you by hand. If we're being defiant or rude then we don't get to do the REALLY SUPER COOL fun things the other kids are doing with me. That's so sad...

[Ariana]

Does he have a hearing problem? I am assuming you are giving comsequences for not listening but he is just not complying? I have never had a child not comply through consequences that were followed through consistantly.

What have you tried? Maybe we can help?

[Thriftylady]

I have this child, he is now 5. I have had him since Jan. I have begged the parents to get his vision and hearing checked and get an assessment but they won't. I think with mine it is a processing problem. I was asking him to repeat what I just said, he can NEVER do it. It is like the words just go in one ear and out the other and never touch his brain. It is beyond frustrating for me, but I don't think it is his fault.

[adnilwis]

I have a 4 year old that almost refuses to follow all directions. he had been coming here for 7 months. for about the past 5 months he seems to ignore all forms of direction and rules I give him. he is gone 1 day out of the week and that one day he is gone all the other kids listen and daycare is calm etc. then when he is here its complete chaos all day. I like his parents so I try to work with them a lot but it's starting to get very frustrating. is it OK to charge more for a difficult child as such, or better to just provide a term notice.
suggestions please. thank you

Wow we must watch the same child. I've watched him 8 months and have him until he goes to 4k September 1st. He refuses to listen and I've mentioned it to dad and dad said maybe I just need to yell more. He's supposedly super well behaved at home but is an only child. If I tell him to do something he yells no at me and then sometimes spits at me and laughs at me when I tell him what he's doing is wrong. He also tries to get my 3 yo son to misbehave with him. I know he loses privileges at home when he isn't good here. I'm just trying to wait it out. I do give consequences and usually that results in him getting mad and throwing something. I don't know what else to do. I physically remove him from an area when he isn't listening and he comes right back misbehaving.

[AmyKidsCo]

What kind of directions is he refusing? Can you give him choices instead of commands? For instance, "Do you want to wash up for breakfast now or in 2 minutes?" "Do you want to play quietly in the play room or yell in the hallway?"

Some kids (and adults, like me!) don't like being told what to do but will respond when given choices.

[adnilwis]

Typical stuff like not cleaning up toys is a big one. But other ones are if he's hurting someone and I tell him to stop or he throwing toys against my wall. He likes to pretend he's in a cave but I don't like him turning the lights off and on so often so I tell him before getting out the tent that he can play with it nicely with the lights on or I'll put it away. Not even two minutes into playing he will turn the lights off. He just doesn't ever take me serious and his dad says he has a hard time with that at home too.

[AmyKidsCo]

Typical stuff like not cleaning up toys is a big one. But other ones are if he's hurting someone and I tell him to stop or he throwing toys against my wall. He likes to pretend he's in a cave but I don't like him turning the lights off and on so often so I tell him before getting out the tent that he can play with it nicely with the lights on or I'll put it away. Not even two minutes into playing he will turn the lights off. He just doesn't ever take me serious and his dad says he has a hard time with that at home too.

Lovely.

What about "Do you want to clean up the blocks or the books?" Or find something he does clean up and put him in charge of that "because you clean up the ______ SO well!" I also make a game of it - can you clean up the _______ before I count to 10? Then I count silly - fast, slow, backwards, half numbers, etc.

I have wool balls for throwing inside so anytime other toys are thrown I redirect them to the balls.

Turning my lights off is a BIG no-no. The tent idea is great - "You can play with the tent as long as there are no problems." When the lights go off it's a problem: "Oh dear, the lights are off. That's a problem. What a bummer." (as you're putting away the tent.)

[adnilwis]

Lovely.

What about "Do you want to clean up the blocks or the books?" Or find something he does clean up and put him in charge of that "because you clean up the ______ SO well!"
This wouldn't work because then he gets upset someone else is picking up _____ and he's not.


Turning my lights off is a BIG no-no. The tent idea is great - "You can play with the tent as long as there are no problems." When the lights go off it's a problem: "Oh dear, the lights are off. That's a problem. What a bummer." (as you're putting away the tent.)

I do say it's so sad we lost the tent because the lights got turned off. Doesn't phase him one bit. He just laughs at me. Sometimes I give him multiple chances at it too. Nope. Doesn't care. He will throw balls against the wall too. Once I sent him outside to scream since he was doing it inside and he kicked the screen door and ripped the screen

[AmyKidsCo]

I do say it's so sad we lost the tent because the lights got turned off. Doesn't phase him one bit. He just laughs at me. Sometimes I give him multiple chances at it too. Nope. Doesn't care. He will throw balls against the wall too. Once I sent him outside to scream since he was doing it inside and he kicked the screen door and ripped the screen

Maybe it's time to start interviewing - it sounds like he's not a good fit for your program.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I do say it's so sad we lost the tent because the lights got turned off. Doesn't phase him one bit. He just laughs at me. Sometimes I give him multiple chances at it too. Nope. Doesn't care. He will throw balls against the wall too. Once I sent him outside to scream since he was doing it inside and he kicked the screen door and ripped the screen

You're a patient woman.

[daycarediva]

Oh HECK NO. His parents would have paid to have my door fixed.

Here is what I would do during the termination period. (:Tell him beforehand what the expectations are. If he disobeys ONCE there are NO chances. He immediately goes to sit out and then he does an activity (as boring as possible) of MY choosing.

[Blackcat31]

Oh HECK NO. His parents would have paid to have my door fixed.

Here is what I would do during the termination period. (:Tell him beforehand what the expectations are. If he disobeys ONCE there are NO chances. He immediately goes to sit out and then he does an activity (as boring as possible) of MY choosing.

I agree! I think this child simply needs a bit more guidance as to how he is expected to behave.... and he needs FIRM and authoritative guidance more so than he needs choices and suggestions.

Choices are for kids who have a tough time deciding between good/bad behavior....it sounds like this one KNOWS the difference but enjoys the results of choosing the negative behavior/choice.

[Blackcat31]

I have a 4 year old that almost refuses to follow all directions. he had been coming here for 7 months. for about the past 5 months he seems to ignore all forms of direction and rules I give him. he is gone 1 day out of the week and that one day he is gone all the other kids listen and daycare is calm etc. then when he is here its complete chaos all day. I like his parents so I try to work with them a lot but it's starting to get very frustrating. is it OK to charge more for a difficult child as such, or better to just provide a term notice.
suggestions please. thank you

I'm not understanding how more money has anything to do with managing this child's behavior? Unless you are using it to hire a second set of hands or an assistant to help out when he is in care.