Provider Who Copies?

[Unregistered]

Hello.

Registered user but logged out for privacy (as much as you can get on the internet!)

I have a few provider friends who I speak with regularly. We live in the same city but are pretty spread out that we don't typically compete for families. We have very different daycare programs.

I have become very close with 1 particular provider who has started to mimic things I do, say, post on Facebook, ect. I've shared policies in my Handbook with her and she has the same policies listed on her website, just phrased a little different. We are the closest out of the providers, only 15 minutes apart and have recently started having families express interest in both of our programs. I get some families, she gets some - it all depends on what the families want and what I, specifically, look for in the children & families I choose to enroll. I posted on Facebook a picture of my new outdoor art area - she posts a picture of a veeeeery similar outdoor area. I post graduation pictures of my 4 kids heading to kindergarten that I had a professional photographer take at a local park - she posts pictures of her kids at the same park doing the same poses. I post a reminder on Facebook about an upcoming closure, she posts a reminder. The last reminder about Memorial Day closure she copied word for word.

She messages me often, asking different things or checking how our day is going. I've always thought she was super friendly; she even donated a large selection of puzzles to us when she was downsizing. But the copying lately is bothering me and I am unsure how to proceed. I don't want any bad blood with other providers but I am tired of the copying. I don't think I can just start ignoring her all of a sudden.

Has this happened to anyone else?

[permanentvacation]

Yes. It happened to me for a while. I wrote on this forum about it at that time. I had a daycare lady friend who I was friends with for about years. Then the last couple of months of our friendship, I realized that when she called me, we'd do the 'Hello' part. Then how are you doing or what are you doing. Then immediately, the 3rd sentence from her would be, "So what's the newest thing you are doing in your daycare?" Being the 'not so bright one', I'd get all excited and tell her all about the newest thing I had been doing with my daycare kids or tell her all about the new daycare sign I got. And then, as soon as I was finished giving her the complete details of MY new idea, she'd tell me that she had to get off of the phone. Within a couple of days, I'd see in her daycare ad that she all of the sudden was offering the exact same thing that I had just told her that I had just started doing with my kids! Or I'd drive past her house which is on the way out of my neighborhood and I'd see that she has a daycare sign just like mine within a week of me telling her about mine!

I finally decided to stop talking to her. I don't need 'friends' that are there only to use me and copy from me. I don't mind helping other daycare providers. Actually, this one in particular, before she started literally copying me, asked me to help her pick out daycare furniture and toys. So I sat on my computer at my house and she on hers at her house and I literally picked out every piece of furniture and the majority of toys for her daycare. Then she invited me over, for the first time in my life! (remember I was friends with her for years and she never invited me over!) So, after I picked out all of her daycare stuff online, she invited me over so I could help her arrange her daycare room. Now, at the time, I was happy to help and was excited that she invited me over to help her. But not long after that, she started calling me only to find out what else I was doing with my daycare so she could immediately copy my ideas. After a couple of months, I finally just stopped talking to her.

Not too long after I stopped talking to her, (therefore she couldn't copy from me) I learned from other providers that she had quit daycare and was looking into another career!

[Mike]

Has this happened to anyone else?

My website hosting business has a very thorough terms and conditions that I found on another hosting providers site many years ago. I requested them to change it or legal action would be taken.

Not quite the same situation. For you, the question is, are you 2 friends, or is she just using you. If you are friends, ask her not to copy you. You could play a little trick. Think up a new idea or plan that would not be a good idea and tell her you're doing that now and see if she copies that.

Not too long after I stopped talking to her, (therefore she couldn't copy from me) I learned from other providers that she had quit daycare and was looking into another career!

I guess she just couldn't make it without her mentor. ::

[permanentvacation]

Mike, that's what I thought when I found out she closed her business! She seemed incapable of having an original thought and scared to death of making a decision. If you can't think for yourself, and have the courage to implement those thoughts, you certainly can't own and operate a business!

[childcaremom]

Hello.

Registered user but logged out for privacy (as much as you can get on the internet!)

I have a few provider friends who I speak with regularly. We live in the same city but are pretty spread out that we don't typically compete for families. We have very different daycare programs.

I have become very close with 1 particular provider who has started to mimic things I do, say, post on Facebook, ect. I've shared policies in my Handbook with her and she has the same policies listed on her website, just phrased a little different. We are the closest out of the providers, only 15 minutes apart and have recently started having families express interest in both of our programs. I get some families, she gets some - it all depends on what the families want and what I, specifically, look for in the children & families I choose to enroll. I posted on Facebook a picture of my new outdoor art area - she posts a picture of a veeeeery similar outdoor area. I post graduation pictures of my 4 kids heading to kindergarten that I had a professional photographer take at a local park - she posts pictures of her kids at the same park doing the same poses. I post a reminder on Facebook about an upcoming closure, she posts a reminder. The last reminder about Memorial Day closure she copied word for word.

She messages me often, asking different things or checking how our day is going. I've always thought she was super friendly; she even donated a large selection of puzzles to us when she was downsizing. But the copying lately is bothering me and I am unsure how to proceed. I don't want any bad blood with other providers but I am tired of the copying. I don't think I can just start ignoring her all of a sudden.

Has this happened to anyone else?

I have provider friends that I bounce ideas off of. We all operate differently and I don't see them as competition. We are serving different needs. Mind you, they don't outright copy me.

However, when I reopened a few years ago, I tweaked my ad numerous times before finally hitting the 'jackpot'. I know it was good because almost immediately I had 3 other providers copy it, one almost word for word. I let the ones go that were spin offs but the one that copied me I approached via email. I pointed out that it was almost an exact copy. That she would be much more successful if she wrote her own from her heart as a reflection on what she was offering. That people would be drawn to it more because it was a genuine reflection of herself and her services. She apologized and took down her ad.

So I guess I would maybe either let it go or, if you feel that you need to address it, I would approach it in a similar fashion. That while you don't mind brainstorming ideas together, she would be more successful and attract better clientele if she was following her heart, not yours.

[Rockgirl]

This may not be the best way to handle it, but I'd be tempted to comment on some of her fb pics "That looks very familiar." Lol!

[Blackcat31]

I have provider friends that I bounce ideas off of. We all operate differently and I don't see them as competition. We are serving different needs. Mind you, they don't outright copy me.

However, when I reopened a few years ago, I tweaked my ad numerous times before finally hitting the 'jackpot'. I know it was good because almost immediately I had 3 other providers copy it, one almost word for word. I let the ones go that were spin offs but the one that copied me I approached via email. I pointed out that it was almost an exact copy. That she would be much more successful if she wrote her own from her heart as a reflection on what she was offering. That people would be drawn to it more because it was a genuine reflection of herself and her services. She apologized and took down her ad.

So I guess I would maybe either let it go or, if you feel that you need to address it, I would approach it in a similar fashion. That while you don't mind brainstorming ideas together, she would be more successful and attract better clientele if she was following her heart, not yours.

I've seen a members here type out a responses on FB that are identical to something said here on this forum so I think it happens all the time.

I also think if you got a good thing going, I can see why others want to replicate it.

This is a tough business to be in...

If it honestly bothers you, I'd go with the suggestion Rockgirl posted and start commenting on her posts/pictures.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would address it directly and say you worked very hard to ___ and would appreciate it if she would not mimic it. If she continues then she is not your friend.

I have been in a similar situation and slightly distance myself from someone because of the same thing.

[sleepinghart]

Hello.

Registered user but logged out for privacy (as much as you can get on the internet!)

I have a few provider friends who I speak with regularly. We live in the same city but are pretty spread out that we don't typically compete for families. We have very different daycare programs.

I have become very close with 1 particular provider who has started to mimic things I do, say, post on Facebook, ect. I've shared policies in my Handbook with her and she has the same policies listed on her website, just phrased a little different. We are the closest out of the providers, only 15 minutes apart and have recently started having families express interest in both of our programs. I get some families, she gets some - it all depends on what the families want and what I, specifically, look for in the children & families I choose to enroll. I posted on Facebook a picture of my new outdoor art area - she posts a picture of a veeeeery similar outdoor area. I post graduation pictures of my 4 kids heading to kindergarten that I had a professional photographer take at a local park - she posts pictures of her kids at the same park doing the same poses. I post a reminder on Facebook about an upcoming closure, she posts a reminder. The last reminder about Memorial Day closure she copied word for word.

She messages me often, asking different things or checking how our day is going. I've always thought she was super friendly; she even donated a large selection of puzzles to us when she was downsizing. But the copying lately is bothering me and I am unsure how to proceed. I don't want any bad blood with other providers but I am tired of the copying. I don't think I can just start ignoring her all of a sudden.

Has this happened to anyone else?

~Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but to be honest with you this would irritate the heck out of me(..and yes I've had to deal with a copycat more than once unfortunately). When someone is copying you they are communicating that you are amazing and they want to be you, and again while this is like getting a fabulous compliment, it doesn't always feel good. ~Most people copy because of low to no self-esteem and they usually lack a sense of self. When dealing with a copycat personally I try to pull out my best compassionate, sympathetic side and realize that this person has no self esteem or sense of self(which if they suffer from this they quite often have a plethora of other issues as well) and because of that they suffer- those thoughts and inadequacies plague them 24/7, and wonder what it must be like, feel like, to be that person 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Thinking this way calms my irritation & frustration a bit and grounds me again. It also helps to remember that no one is 100% original. We all take certain elements, styles, ways, tid-bits from here & there throughout our lives, though I do agree that when you have the same person copying pretty much everything you're doing in your business, then that is a different story.

~Also, it helps to remember that no one can ever truly 100% copy you or be you. They can copy your work, your policies, your words, etc. but their work will NEVER have the same "energy" or "spirit" that yours has. When we create something it has our own unique "touch" to it and it is that touch that can't be copied. Try as they might, and they will, they will never be able to reproduce your spirit, energy or your touch . Others will see this in their work too and in their ways and it will feel faux to them...because it is. ~Another thing...let's say for instance she copies one or two of your policies...Is she going to be able to actually carry through on those:confused: because enforcing something is totally different from just "saying" it. Do these things she's copying even fit her style- which she probably doesn't have one anyway, but that doesn't mean that she is going to be happy with your ways once she starts them...Chances are she's not a happy person period.

~How you handle this depends on how good of friends you are, how close you are and how much you value the friendship in general. You don't have to answer the following questions to me, but it's something to think about I think- Do you have anything in common besides the child care business? When you 2 talk, what percentage of the time would you say you talked child care...Are your convos mostly about child care? If you didn't have child care in common do you think you 2 would still be friends? I think the worst thing you could do though is start to stifle what you do & the things you put out there...like not posting something online in an attempt to hide it from her so that she can't copy; if you do that you're really only hurting yourself in the end. How you handle this also depends on how much her copycatting is hurting your business, if at all.

[sleepinghart]

Hello.

Registered user but logged out for privacy (as much as you can get on the internet!)

I have a few provider friends who I speak with regularly. We live in the same city but are pretty spread out that we don't typically compete for families. We have very different daycare programs.

I have become very close with 1 particular provider who has started to mimic things I do, say, post on Facebook, ect. I've shared policies in my Handbook with her and she has the same policies listed on her website, just phrased a little different. We are the closest out of the providers, only 15 minutes apart and have recently started having families express interest in both of our programs. I get some families, she gets some - it all depends on what the families want and what I, specifically, look for in the children & families I choose to enroll. I posted on Facebook a picture of my new outdoor art area - she posts a picture of a veeeeery similar outdoor area. I post graduation pictures of my 4 kids heading to kindergarten that I had a professional photographer take at a local park - she posts pictures of her kids at the same park doing the same poses. I post a reminder on Facebook about an upcoming closure, she posts a reminder. The last reminder about Memorial Day closure she copied word for word.

She messages me often, asking different things or checking how our day is going. I've always thought she was super friendly; she even donated a large selection of puzzles to us when she was downsizing. But the copying lately is bothering me and I am unsure how to proceed. I don't want any bad blood with other providers but I am tired of the copying. I don't think I can just start ignoring her all of a sudden.

Has this happened to anyone else?

~I also wanted to add . . . These things usually have a way of fixing themselves all on their own, in time .