Child with ADHD not getting medication from parents

[DestinyAja]

have a new family that called me late Tuesday night saying that they have 2 children, girl age 4 and boy age 2. The children have bounced around between home daycares and daycare facilities. The father says the girl was diagnosed with ADHD and was prescribed medication but that he refuses to give it to her because "she acts like an angel around me". The girl was removed from the daycare facility because they told the family that she wouldn't sit still to learn and she was a constant distraction to the other children. The family doesn't want to take her to the home daycare anymore because they said the children told them that the daycare provider was hitting them on the legs and very mean. So I let them come to my daycare on Wednesday morning. The daughter definitely had some issues focusing on 1 activity at a time, but the son (who they never mentioned anything about) was the one that was very difficult and acting out. He was throwing stuff and not listening, pushing the other boys, and his sister too. He was telling me "no" and crying really loud while in time out. Then when the mother came to pick them up the little girl went into my kitchen and opened the refrigerator door like she owned it and all the food inside! And the mother didn't say anything!!!! I was livid!!!! When I told them about their son's behavior, both parents were completely in shock. Saying they couldn't believe it and he never gives any problems. It was a nightmare.

I don't know if this is a family that needs someone to work with them and get their children on a consistent routine, or if it's just not even worth the hassle or the money. Maybe it was just a rough first day??? And is it some kind of liability to be caring for a child that has been diagnosed and prescribed medication and their not taking it?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would put them on a probationary period of 2 weeks to see if there is any improvement in behavior. If it gets worse they are immediately termed and if it hasn't gotten significantly better after 2 weeks I would also term.

[Thriftylady]

have a new family that called me late Tuesday night saying that they have 2 children, girl age 4 and boy age 2. The children have bounced around between home daycares and daycare facilities. The father says the girl was diagnosed with ADHD and was prescribed medication but that he refuses to give it to her because "she acts like an angel around me". The girl was removed from the daycare facility because they told the family that she wouldn't sit still to learn and she was a constant distraction to the other children. The family doesn't want to take her to the home daycare anymore because they said the children told them that the daycare provider was hitting them on the legs and very mean. So I let them come to my daycare on Wednesday morning. The daughter definitely had some issues focusing on 1 activity at a time, but the son (who they never mentioned anything about) was the one that was very difficult and acting out. He was throwing stuff and not listening, pushing the other boys, and his sister too. He was telling me "no" and crying really loud while in time out. Then when the mother came to pick them up the little girl went into my kitchen and opened the refrigerator door like she owned it and all the food inside! And the mother didn't say anything!!!! I was livid!!!! When I told them about their son's behavior, both parents were completely in shock. Saying they couldn't believe it and he never gives any problems. It was a nightmare.

I don't know if this is a family that needs someone to work with them and get their children on a consistent routine, or if it's just not even worth the hassle or the money. Maybe it was just a rough first day??? And is it some kind of liability to be caring for a child that has been diagnosed and prescribed medication and their not taking it?

I would not work with this family. They have already told you they will not work with a medical professional, what makes you think they will work with you to get the kids on a routine and such? And what happens at home in these situations is just as important as what happens in daycare. It is likely that the behavior of both children is why they needed you! They are looking for a provider who won't make them do the hard work of parenting. ADHD isn't just about how a child acts, but as you said also has to do with other things, such as being able to focus on things they need to focus on.

All that being said, I do believe that some children are medicated that don't need to be. But that is where parents should seek out more opinions if they think that is an issue, not just refuse to medicate. I would terminate immediately. But then, I wouldn't have taken the family on.

[DestinyAja]

I would put them on a probationary period of 2 weeks to see if there is any improvement in behavior. If it gets worse they are immediately termed and if it hasn't gotten significantly better after 2 weeks I would also term.

But what about her not getting the medication? Won't her behavior stay the same without it?

[Rockgirl]

But what about her not getting the medication? Won't her behavior stay the same without it?

I would only be concerned with the actual behavior if she were in my care. If the behavior was unacceptable, I'd term. We can't really do anything about parents choosing to medicate or not in cases like this. It would be different if she depended on insulin or something like that.

[Thriftylady]

But what about her not getting the medication? Won't her behavior stay the same without it?

Likely. It could also stay the same with it, because if the behavior is allowed at home, she will still do it. Some of these things are learned. But you can't force them to give the meds. You could push for it, but they could just lie to you about giving it also.

[sharlan]

Both of my grandsons take meds during the school year. Neither one takes it on weekends or school vacation days.

I don't have issues with either one's behavior when they don't take their meds.

[finsup]

I've worked with many kiddos with an ADHD diagnosis successfully, without meds. It's awesome when parents will work with you, create a behavior plan etc so school and home are on the same page but I have had success with kids at school with little follow through at home. Meds definitely do have a place and some kids DO need them, but I would make it a last resort.
But it doesn't sound like she's the one that's giving you much trouble either. Aside from the fridge thing, but that you can correct. Maybe the parents felt it was OK since it was your home and you weren't saying anything? Not what I would do as a parent but just guessing they may have felt uncomfortable, especially on the first day.
Anyways, it does sound challenging but not impossible. Give it two weeks and see what happens. If by the end of two weeks there's no improvement, then I may consider terming.

[NillaWafers]

Without a plan, meds are pretty useless. Meds make it easier to follow the plan. They help motivate and channel energy/focus, but a lot of the problems with ADHD still remain. I have ADHD, so I know from experience. Right now I am not on meds because of breastfeeding but I will go back on once I am done.

[Blackcat31]

Boy that's awfully young to be on medication for behaviors that are developmentally appropriate for her age.

I am going to venture out there and say dad was/is lying.

He wants to "label" his child so her bad behaviors are addressed (by you) and accepted during the day but states they don't want to medicate (which is usually just code for attention/we are great parents).

Unless you've been given a written diagnosis from a Dr I wouldn't take anything dad or mom says as factual.

As for continuing to offer care to this family...that's up to you but usually when kids are bounced around from one care environment to another successively, it's usually not because of whatever "story" the parents give you.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would only be concerned with the actual behavior if she were in my care. If the behavior was unacceptable, I'd term. We can't really do anything about parents choosing to medicate or not in cases like this. It would be different if she depended on insulin or something like that.

Yes indeed. This is my thought. If they can't get it under control without medication then perhaps they'll rethink using the medication. Just saying.