I'm So Annoyed

[Febby]

Many parents don't seem to want to parent anymore. Parenting is hard work, but if you decide to have kids you have made your choice and have to do it. So many parents will do anything to avoid a fight with their kids, want to be their kids best friends, etc. Or they are just lazy and don't want to parent. I have one parent whose answer to everything is "I'm going to bust your butt". Of course they don't do it half the time they say it, and the kids know that. It is a threat and nothing more. Why would the child change their behavior when you sit on the sofa and holler "I am going to bust your butt" every time they do something wrong. Of course this is the same parent that takes credit for everything a child as learned when they haven't spent five minutes teaching them anything, including any self help skills.

But OP, I hate to tell you this, it seems impossible to retrain parents. They are going to do what they do and cry, scream, pout about it. But until they change their behavior, the kids will never change theirs. And of course the kids act better for us. We have consequences and follow through. They know we will, because we are consistent Every.Single.Time.

Bolding mine.

I hate, hate, hate when parents threaten with no follow through. All that accomplishes is teaching your child that they don't need to listen to your threats.

But, yeah, retraining parents isn't likely to happen. If they ask for advice, feel free to give it, but don't hold your breath waiting for them to actually follow through.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

My sister used the "count to 5" last night on my 8 year old nephew:confused: do people still do that? And on 2nd graders? My dh said it is just letting the kid get away their BS till she hits 4, and I agree with his insight. I don't count. I say "knock that sh!t off" in kid friendly terms, and low and behold, they listen.

[JackandJill]

Bolding mine.

I hate, hate, hate when parents threaten with no follow through. All that accomplishes is teaching your child that they don't need to listen to your threats.

But, yeah, retraining parents isn't likely to happen. If they ask for advice, feel free to give it, but don't hold your breath waiting for them to actually follow through.

My husband does this ALL. THE. TIME. and it makes me crazy! My kids don't get an inch with me and they know it. My "poor: husband, one day he will learn ::::

[Josiegirl]

I have one set of parents who don't let their children get away with much and DO follow through, Yay!! Then I have a dcd who is constantly bribing his dd with gummies and chocolate chips, and toys.
Most of my parents tend to be softies. From my side it makes it difficult but I have to say I was that way when my kids were little. My dh and I were like good cop/bad cop. He came down on them hard, constantly nagging on them and I went the other way to (over)compensate the damage he was doing to their self-esteem. :confused:
Parenting is NOT easy and we, as parents and/or providers can only do the best we can with what we have.

[AmyKidsCo]

Ugh, thanks for listening and commiserating guys, I was in a rough state of mind last night when I wrote the post. I am in a position where my discipline methods are working great and I can have peace and harmony with twelve children in my house, and the parents see it and want to know how to replicate it. I'm flattered that they would ask me and that they trust me, really. They see that I can handle their children better than they can (which I'm aware is painful for them) and I do my very best to be sensitive to their pain. I am just completely frustrated with every parent in this country right now.

Never going to happen. Children generally act better for other people than they do for their own parents. Part of it is because as much as we love them, we don't have the same connection to the children that their parents have so we can keep our perspective and be the "bad guy" when we need to. Part of it is that children know that no matter how badly they act their parents will still love them and be there for them, but they don't have the same feeling about the rest of us.

[Snowmom]

I feel your pain! I went to dinner with my sister and her three kids and realized why I hate going to dinner with them! Her kids talk at the top of their lungs, run around the table, mess with food, spill drinks (on my son's lap who was then wet and sticky the rest of the dinner) and act like nuts. She does nothing and has the nerve to tell me I seem cranky bc I told them to knock it off several times she doesn't seem to realize that her lack of discipline is the reason I wanted to scream last night. I find the parents, like my sister, who don't know what they are doing but think they know it all and are awesome, to be much worse than those who ask for advice. Even if they don't take it, at least they can admit they need help.

Are we in the same family?

My SIL is the same way. Except she thinks it's adorable and funny to let them act like nuts.

[WAHMderful_Life]

Its good that the parent is aware that there is a problem.

I find that the problem now of days is parents are either to scared to parent because society is constantly judging and putting out articles saying you shouldn't do this and you should do it this way etc.

My big thing I see is parents giving their kids all the power. Eg. I had to dress daycare boy before parents pick up cause he would refuse to get ready for them and when he did this they would talk to him in this really sweet voice asking things likes "what do you want to do?" what do you mean what does he want he obviously just doesn't want to do what you told him. If he starts whining and acting out when he has to get ready you put your foot down and he gets dressed its not a choice errr...

another thing that happened with them is in the mornings I know when kids get here I can hear them pull up and the doors on the cars so I am ready at the door when they get there well... he started throwing fits cause I was ready with the door open and he wanted to knock on the door so as soon as he saw the door open he would plop down and start throwing a fit, and what do you know the parents instead of telling him to smarten up they ask oh well is it ok if he knocks WTH are you kidding me no its not ok that he gets his way when he acts like that are you crazy?? so because of the way they let him rule them he of course tries to get away with not listening here but that don't fly here.

He started off as such a good kid and they are just turing him into a spoiled rotten kid because you know kids should have a choice in absolutely everything! certain things yes but when its time to go its time to go! when its bed time its bedtime (they apparently can't get him to bed at night so apparently he naps to long here) I don't believe for a second it has to do with not being tired at bedtime.

[Annalee]

Are we in the same family?

My SIL is the same way. Except she thinks it's adorable and funny to let them act like nuts.

My cousins do not watch their kids at all. We were at my brother's house and one of those kids flipped off the couch knocking a picture off that was on the coffee table and it shattered. My SIL said that will be $55 and my cousin wrote her a check:: Bet they watch their kids next time::

[thrivingchildcarecom]

Believe me I know! I can't tell you how many conversations I have had with parents who are opting out of being parents (or should I say parenting) and are choosing to instead be friends with their child.

I actually explained to a parent one time that these times would pass and they could be their child's friend ... when they turn 30.

I guess this is one of those opportunities to help educate parents. As providers we are in the unique position of seeing the effects of poor parenting up close while also implementing a structure that causes children to learn behavior modification.

My advice is to realize that for many parents they will have to figure things out for themselves. We can only do so much and only in our settings and only for as long as we have them.

When you can, share sage advice and then let it go. These are THEIR kids and not ours. They will have them for the next 18-20 years, we won't!

[Unregistered]

I feel your pain! I went to dinner with my sister and her three kids and realized why I hate going to dinner with them! Her kids talk at the top of their lungs, run around the table, mess with food, spill drinks (on my son's lap who was then wet and sticky the rest of the dinner) and act like nuts. She does nothing and has the nerve to tell me I seem cranky bc I told them to knock it off several times she doesn't seem to realize that her lack of discipline is the reason I wanted to scream last night. I find the parents, like my sister, who don't know what they are doing but think they know it all and are awesome, to be much worse than those who ask for advice. Even if they don't take it, at least they can admit they need help.

I have a few couples I won't go out with BECAUSE of their lack of parenting. Ruins everthing and it's embarrassing

[Rockgirl]

I have a few couples I won't go out with BECAUSE of their lack of parenting. Ruins everthing and it's embarrassing

Same here. We were hanging out with a family a few years ago when our kids were young. This family had kids close in age to ours. If we all ate out together, we'd all scramble to not sit by their youngest, because his behavior was so bad, and you'd be guaranteed to have a drink spilled on you. If they came to our house, something was broken, they helped themselves to our pantry, they'd barge into rooms with closed doors, etc. Our kids started dreading seeing them. At that point, we started backing away from them. We got along great with the parents, but they just laughed off everything their kids did.

One year we had a New Years party for a few families. Their kids were atrocious, and made a HUGE mess in the playroom. The next year, we announced far in advance that we'd be having our New Years party, but for adults only. The mom said, "Well, we don't have anyone to watch the boys, so they WILL be there." We ended up canceling the party altogether.

Oh yeah....these people cycled through friends often. Wonder why?