I'm So Annoyed

[NoMoreJuice!]

I have to get this off my chest, please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this! I think 10 out of my 12 moms are driving me totally bonkers. Almost every day for the past two weeks, it has been one or more of them at EVERY SINGLE drop off AND pick up: they will approach me with a sad/anguished/defeated face and ask the same thing. "Why doesn't my child listen to me/go to bed for me/get in the car for me/eat food for me?" "Why does my child argue with me/hit me/scream at me/hate me?"

These moms all pick up at 5:30 on the dot because they go grocery shopping/fill car up with gas/go to the post office/bank, etc first. They can't do ANYTHING with their children because they are miserable. I don't have my own children, but I just don't think parenting should be like this. And these are actually all great kids. Why are their mothers so incompetent? They stare at me like deer in the headlights if I suggest putting them to bed hungry if they're acting like jerks, or putting them in time-out for hitting, or throwing all pacifiers away so they'll stop screaming for them at 4 years old. They literally can't parent. I think there's an imbalance of power in their households, and the kids know it.

Any wisdom? I can't stand this anymore. I'll have to start imposing a kleenex fee for all the tissues I'm going through mopping up the mom tears.

[Unregistered]

Well, sorry, but to tell you the truth, your suggestions aren't exactly appropriate or generally accepted practices when respectfully caring for children (except, perhaps, the natural consequence of becoming excused from the table for inappropriate behavior, therefore causing the child to go to bed hungry). The moms probably feel your judgemental eyes on them when they pick up and drop off and they wonder, well, what am I doing wrong then? As they see your disapproval. It's a pretty sad and unsupportive scene you describe. I guess this will either anger you or you will perhaps just let it slide right off your back without a thought to any actual reflection on your professionalism. So forget what I said, pat yourself on the back, and just wait until you become a parent! Just telling it like it is.

[Josiegirl]

Imbalance of power
You hit the nail on the head with that! I truly believe that's what is going wrong in a lot of households.
When I first became a parent, I did it all wrong. I was constantly directing my firstborn, hovering over him to make sure he didn't get hurt, etc., etc. Then 9 yrs. later I made the mistake of giving my strong-willed dd too many choices. With my 3rd(and last) she got babied. I was a dcprovider for most of those years.
I think I learned more as a dcp than as a parent because it's easier to see what's going on from the outside than working with my own children. (I'm a terrible wimp, what can I say).
Society as a whole, has given children too much power. Everything is handled with choices, rewards, bribery, with whatever works for the moment. Teachers have their hands tied. Providers and parents too. I'm not saying 'daddy's belt' is ever the way to go but people do NOT have follow through with their words, children are(a lot of the time) allowed to call their own schedules, not do homework, be rude and disrespectful, everybody is afraid it's going to damage junior's little ego if we point anything out the wrong way. Children are boss. Parents have to turn that around. Teachers have to turn that around. We have to turn that around.
Sure, it's okay to give some choices....do you want your red pants or blue. But every single thing should NOT be an option. As a parent, take that paci away. Buckle them up properly even if they're screaming. Hold their hand while on the sidewalk.
Yeh, I get frustrated too. If it gets really bad, come right out and ask them who the parent is. There is nothing wrong with letting a child cry(as long as they're not hurt). If a parent can't get past that point, then the child will always have rule of the household. Maybe you could find a good article to print off and share with parents?
JMO

[daycarediva]

Most parenting issues I see is because the parent never follows through so the child has control.

Counting to 3 with no consequence.
Threats with no follow through.
Rewards for expected behavior.
Bribes for expected behavior.
Over praising, for every little thing.
Trying to have their child 'like' them.
Thinking "they're only 2...."
Expecting child to 'grow out of' behaviors (eg I have a parent that thinks the child will stop being sassy to her and says "I can't wait until she outgrows this talking back phase!") and yet never corrects her?
Spoiling their child with monetary rewards.
Not spending enough face time with their child.
Not knowing age appropriate behaviors and expectations. (yes your 2 year old is perfectly capable of removing her own shoes and placing them in her cubby)


I could go on and on. I WILL correct behavior I see. When they are in my program, I am the boss. I expect quite a bit from my kids and they almost always rise to meet those expectations. I am firm, consistent, and loving. I had a dcm (just termed) tell me that I was 'mean' for 'forcing her child to do something she couldn't do' The exchange was putting on slip on shoes, and dcg throwing a massive fit, saying she couldn't do it. ALL I said was "You did it yesterday with the other shoes. Let me see you try." and dcm immediately intervened.

[Rockgirl]

Most parenting issues I see is because the parent never follows through so the child has control.

Counting to 3 with no consequence.
Threats with no follow through.
Rewards for expected behavior.
Bribes for expected behavior.
Over praising, for every little thing.
Trying to have their child 'like' them.
Thinking "they're only 2...."
Expecting child to 'grow out of' behaviors (eg I have a parent that thinks the child will stop being sassy to her and says "I can't wait until she outgrows this talking back phase!") and yet never corrects her?
Spoiling their child with monetary rewards.
Not spending enough face time with their child.
Not knowing age appropriate behaviors and expectations. (yes your 2 year old is perfectly capable of removing her own shoes and placing them in her cubby)


I could go on and on. I WILL correct behavior I see. When they are in my program, I am the boss. I expect quite a bit from my kids and they almost always rise to meet those expectations. I am firm, consistent, and loving. I had a dcm (just termed) tell me that I was 'mean' for 'forcing her child to do something she couldn't do' The exchange was putting on slip on shoes, and dcg throwing a massive fit, saying she couldn't do it. ALL I said was "You did it yesterday with the other shoes. Let me see you try." and dcm immediately intervened.

Exactly this. Parents don't follow through. We have to be consistent, and ALL the time. I've heard parents throw out ridiculous consequences for behaviors--things they would never do, and of course the child knows it. And the rewarding for behaviors that should just be expected....good grief. A dcm here took her dd to Walmart and let her choose a new toy after ONE night of sleeping in her own bed. The child is 3.5.

[JackandJill]

Well, sorry, but to tell you the truth, your suggestions aren't exactly appropriate or generally accepted practices when respectfully caring for children (except, perhaps, the natural consequence of becoming excused from the table for inappropriate behavior, therefore causing the child to go to bed hungry). The moms probably feel your judgemental eyes on them when they pick up and drop off and they wonder, well, what am I doing wrong then? As they see your disapproval. It's a pretty sad and unsupportive scene you describe. I guess this will either anger you or you will perhaps just let it slide right off your back without a thought to any actual reflection on your professionalism. So forget what I said, pat yourself on the back, and just wait until you become a parent! Just telling it like it is.

Lol, this is why!! Because parents can't be held accountable for their choices, why should their children?!

[Rockgirl]

Well, sorry, but to tell you the truth, your suggestions aren't exactly appropriate or generally accepted practices when respectfully caring for children (except, perhaps, the natural consequence of becoming excused from the table for inappropriate behavior, therefore causing the child to go to bed hungry). The moms probably feel your judgemental eyes on them when they pick up and drop off and they wonder, well, what am I doing wrong then? As they see your disapproval. It's a pretty sad and unsupportive scene you describe. I guess this will either anger you or you will perhaps just let it slide right off your back without a thought to any actual reflection on your professionalism. So forget what I said, pat yourself on the back, and just wait until you become a parent! Just telling it like it is.

I see nothing wrong with any of OP's suggestions. Also, she doesn't need to be a parent to know how to deal with children's behavior....seems to me she is doing a good job. And her dc parents are coming to her for advice, after all.

[NoMoreJuice!]

Ugh, thanks for listening and commiserating guys, I was in a rough state of mind last night when I wrote the post. I am in a position where my discipline methods are working great and I can have peace and harmony with twelve children in my house, and the parents see it and want to know how to replicate it. I'm flattered that they would ask me and that they trust me, really. They see that I can handle their children better than they can (which I'm aware is painful for them) and I do my very best to be sensitive to their pain. I am just completely frustrated with every parent in this country right now.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I feel your pain! I went to dinner with my sister and her three kids and realized why I hate going to dinner with them! Her kids talk at the top of their lungs, run around the table, mess with food, spill drinks (on my son's lap who was then wet and sticky the rest of the dinner) and act like nuts. She does nothing and has the nerve to tell me I seem cranky bc I told them to knock it off several times she doesn't seem to realize that her lack of discipline is the reason I wanted to scream last night. I find the parents, like my sister, who don't know what they are doing but think they know it all and are awesome, to be much worse than those who ask for advice. Even if they don't take it, at least they can admit they need help.

[Blackcat31]

Well, sorry, but to tell you the truth, your suggestions aren't exactly appropriate or generally accepted practices when respectfully caring for children (except, perhaps, the natural consequence of becoming excused from the table for inappropriate behavior, therefore causing the child to go to bed hungry). The moms probably feel your judgemental eyes on them when they pick up and drop off and they wonder, well, what am I doing wrong then? As they see your disapproval. It's a pretty sad and unsupportive scene you describe. I guess this will either anger you or you will perhaps just let it slide right off your back without a thought to any actual reflection on your professionalism. So forget what I said, pat yourself on the back, and just wait until you become a parent! Just telling it like it is.

Professionalism???
Where is yours?
Even the NAEYC says to build up, support and assist your coworkers, peers and workmates when needed.

Being truthful and/or blunt is fine but instead of being rude, try offering some helpful advice or encoragement on how to do better or approach the situation in a more developmental or appropriate manner.

Pat yourself on your back for kicking someone when they're down.

[Ariana]

Well, sorry, but to tell you the truth, your suggestions aren't exactly appropriate or generally accepted practices when respectfully caring for children (except, perhaps, the natural consequence of becoming excused from the table for inappropriate behavior, therefore causing the child to go to bed hungry)

^^ this right here is the reason why parents are failures. "Respectful parenting" isn't about being a doormat. It is obvious that this person drops her little muffin off at a daycare centre and never has to actually deal with them.

I treat every single child in my care with respect but they sure know who is boss and so I get that respect back.

[Mandy]

First thing I want to say, which is really using an emoji is this: :hug:

The second thing I want to say is you are doing the best you can with the advice you give them. There is a saying I can remember and it was "If you give a man a fish, they will eat for a day, but if you teach them how to fish, they will eat for a lifetime." Your advice represents teaching them how to fish, and the parents need to use what they have been given and follow through. They need to be consistent with the advice you give them. For example, you told parents to put the kids in time out if they are hitting either them, or their siblings. In this case, the parents need to rinse and repeat on putting their kids in the time out spot every time they hit. It is all about the consistency. If they do that, they will see their kids behavior change.

I know I do not know you personally, but based on what I have read on your post, the kids behave well for you because you are consistent with your actions and you follow through if any of them act up. The parents may think following through is "too hard" because they cant stand to hear their kids cry, or see their kids get out of the spot, but if they rinse and repeat by putting their kids back in time out time and time again, they will see results . It is all about them trying. If the parents share the same issues with you day after day, just tell them to be consistent and follow through. If they are still clueless, then, as frustrating as it is, just keep telling them to be consistent and follow through.

I wish the parents were not this clueless. If they only tried this, they will find that they will get to enjoy their kids instead of be miserable with their kids . Don't give up though because you have a great system that works for you . Keep up the good work happyface

[Nurse Jackie]

Lol, this is why!! Because parents can't be held accountable for their choices, why should their children?!

Exactly! I can't believe how kids behave now a days. I see it all of the time when I go to the store. Screaming acting a fool, hitting their parents. It even happens in my daycare at pick up. One of my dck slap the crap out of his father right in front of me because he was giving him a stern talking to because of his behavior that day. I don't get involved when a dck acts up with their parents. As long as they don't behave that way with me. I have kids of my own and I'm sorry I'm not here to be their friend or the cool parent. I'm here to parent them and teach them right from wrong. You can judge me all you want. However my kids don't behave that way and while you're kids are going upside your head I'm judging you the same way you're judging me for being a parent.

[Thriftylady]

Many parents don't seem to want to parent anymore. Parenting is hard work, but if you decide to have kids you have made your choice and have to do it. So many parents will do anything to avoid a fight with their kids, want to be their kids best friends, etc. Or they are just lazy and don't want to parent. I have one parent whose answer to everything is "I'm going to bust your butt". Of course they don't do it half the time they say it, and the kids know that. It is a threat and nothing more. Why would the child change their behavior when you sit on the sofa and holler "I am going to bust your butt" every time they do something wrong. Of course this is the same parent that takes credit for everything a child as learned when they haven't spent five minutes teaching them anything, including any self help skills.

But OP, I hate to tell you this, it seems impossible to retrain parents. They are going to do what they do and cry, scream, pout about it. But until they change their behavior, the kids will never change theirs. And of course the kids act better for us. We have consequences and follow through. They know we will, because we are consistent Every.Single.Time.

[Annalee]

Lol, this is why!! Because parents can't be held accountable for their choices, why should their children?!

AMEN! But in "their" eyes, we are considered "judgemental" :confused: :confused::confused:

Where is the logic?