Fake Crying Epidemic

[Josiegirl]

I've got 2 dcgs who do the fake crying ALL the dang time and I'm so sick of it! Trouble is I don't know if it's truly fake so I go running every time to make sure everyone is ok. I tried to tell them the story of the boy who cried wolf but they don't get it.
These girls are almost 3 and 3.5. Any ideas on how to stop them?
My 4 yo dcg is a bully at times and can be aggressive if she gets angry so most of it's toward her. I cannot see every single thing that goes on and if I even turn my head for a second, they're crying that she did something and she's denying it(even if I did see her do it!).
Help please?

[Unregistered]

Take them with you every time you aren't in direct sight. When they ask why, tell them. Maybe they will get tired of having their play interrupted.

[Josiegirl]

I can try that. I do take the 4 yo with me a lot of the time or place her on a blanket playing by herself, telling her why. I've done separate stations which helps at the time but they don't seem to learn much from that. But these 2 younger ones feed right into the attention the crying is getting them and they're both so dramatic. And the 4 yo has to be watched like a hawk.
I know many providers don't like to take schoolagers during the summer but I actually cannot wait for mine to come back. They love to hang out with the younger ones so there are more sets of eyes seeing what's going on.
TGIF!!!

[Hunni Bee]

I posted about this with my daughter yesterday. She's almost 3, too. She somehow summons real tears but she totally works herself up into it on purpose. I don't know what to do about it.

[Unregistered]

To me, it seems right to offer empathy but not sympathy. Acknowledge feelings but put them in perspective so that they learn to do so. When it's "just crying" my voice is pretty emotionless, and I use few words.
Some kids do have a lot going on in their little lives. They can't verbalize what's wrong because they don't yet have the skills to sort it out. So they just get sad.
Other kids are just more emotional, or are trying to figure out emotions. For that last group, I find them gravitating to the mirror. They want to SEE what sad looks like.

[Blackcat31]

I replied in HunniBee's thread too and said the same thing....

3-3.5 IS a SUPER emotional age for kids. They are no longer just dealing with happy, sad and mad. They instead are trying to navigate the secondary emotions....embarrassed, scared, anxiety, insecurity etc...

Those are tough emotions to deal with as an adult, imagine how confusing it is for a child that isn't familiar with these feelings feels?

I usually try to offer validation and recognition of their feelings. Name them, identify them. You don't need to know the cause or reason for them as often times they have no idea... they feel first and understand second.

So validate the feeling "I understand you are upset Jane but you need to feel upset over here. (Have a "feeling spot") It hurts my ears when you cry"

Lead them to the feeling spot.

When you are finished feeling sad, why don't you come over to where we are at the science table and join us"

Smile, walk away.

Some version of that ^^^ and a little rinse and repeat always cures my overly emotionally twoddlers.

[Unregistered]

Don't feed into the "fake"!
You know your children in care.
As we all know....feeding into the fake will make it happen more.
Ask them to use their words like a "big" girl/boy so you can understand what they need/want. Explain.....otherwise you don't understand....and walk away, pretend to distract yourself to something else until you get what you are asking for.
Leave yourself open to all routes of communication....and help them along. After all....this is our job

[Silly Songs]

Can you get everyone to start singing when tears start ? It's hard to cry and sing !

[Mom2Two]

I have a dramatic/fake crier too--he's about to turn four and is getting way better. I've just told him (sometimes nicely and sometimes more bluntly) that he can go lie down (on a sofa with a sheet on it) so that he can calm down. He's typically a bit of a tough guy, but oddly can go into fake-cry mode over nothing when he wants some attention. I think it works at home so I get it here.

[Pestle]

Lead with empathy so the kid's frustration doesn't increase: "I am sorry you are sad." Then make it clear that tears won't help: "I don't share toys with children who forget to ask for them. When you are ready to stop crying and ask nicely, we can try again." Or, "Ruthie doesn't have to play with anybody if she doesn't feel like it. You can choose to play by yourself with the trains, or work on a drawing." Don't think that reasoning will work, though. Lay down the law and stick to it--calmly.

That helps, but ultimately you just have to keep adulting while you allow toddlers to figure out their emotions. The worst thing you can do is punish a child for having feelings that annoy you. If you're blessed with the ability to tune out crying, that makes this process easier. I know that crying hits some people like nails on a chalkboard, but I hope those folks don't end up in child care!