Does Anyone Have a Probation Letter for Child's Behavior?

[Unregistered]

A 3 year old in my home daycare has been having behavior issues for months now. He has been with me since he was a few months old so he's not new to my daycare. He gets very upset (loud crying, throws himself on the floor, kicks his feet) over minor things several times a day, has a hard time sharing toys (tries to grab the toys from the other kids and gets very upset if he can't play with that particular toy), has hit the other kids because he's been upset (although I have been working with him on not hitting and he doesn't do it nearly as often) and has a hard time following directions sometimes. As much as I'm trying to continue working with him, I have 4 other kids in my daycare and I feel like I am spending most of my time trying to get this particular DCK to calm down, talking to him and/or having to put him in timout (along with trying to redirect him,etc). I always tell his parents about his behavior so they are aware. They have recently been trying to work with him at home because of how his behavior has been at my daycare, but I don't know how much they are doing at home, KWIM? There are some days that he behaves better than other days and he's great when he's having a good day, but of course it's hard to know how his day is going to be.

As much as I want to go ahead and terminate, I would like to try a probation period and if the behavior doesn't improve then the DCF will need to find other care. Does anyone have a sample letter that I can look at?

[Blackcat31]

A 3 year old in my home daycare has been having behavior issues for months now. He has been with me since he was a few months old so he's not new to my daycare. He gets very upset (loud crying, throws himself on the floor, kicks his feet) over minor things several times a day, has a hard time sharing toys (tries to grab the toys from the other kids and gets very upset if he can't play with that particular toy), has hit the other kids because he's been upset (although I have been working with him on not hitting and he doesn't do it nearly as often) and has a hard time following directions sometimes. As much as I'm trying to continue working with him, I have 4 other kids in my daycare and I feel like I am spending most of my time trying to get this particular DCK to calm down, talking to him and/or having to put him in timout (along with trying to redirect him,etc). I always tell his parents about his behavior so they are aware. They have recently been trying to work with him at home because of how his behavior has been at my daycare, but I don't know how much they are doing at home, KWIM? There are some days that he behaves better than other days and he's great when he's having a good day, but of course it's hard to know how his day is going to be.

As much as I want to go ahead and terminate, I would like to try a probation period and if the behavior doesn't improve then the DCF will need to find other care. Does anyone have a sample letter that I can look at?

I can't help with a probation letter as I dont give written ones but I would suggest maybe just telling the parents verbally that you are giving the situation X amount of weeks and if no improvement has been noted you will need to schedule a conference to dicuss the next step.

Id be clear about what behaviors you want to see improved too as most parents dont see what we see kwim?

I personally think if you mention termination now they will just start looking to go..

[Unregistered]

I can't help with a probation letter as I dont give written ones but I would suggest maybe just telling the parents verbally that you are giving the situation X amount of weeks and if no improvement has been noted you will need to schedule a conference to dicuss the next step.

Id be clear about what behaviors you want to see improved too as most parents dont see what we see kwim?

I personally think if you mention termination now they will just start looking to go..

Thank you so much for your advice Blackcat31, I really appreciate it!

[thrivingchildcarecom]

The first thing I would say is have you asked the family if there have been any recent changes/issues at home. Sometimes there is something going on that has brought on this behavior. The other thing is the child might be in need of evaluation.

If that doesn't lead anywhere, then maybe talk to the parents about the likelihood of being excused from the program. Whether that be for the day, week or entirely.

I have a letter that I had to create specifically for a child who was overly aggressive and was seriously hurting the other children. I didn't think the family was taking it seriously enough so I came up with an "Aggressive Behavior Policy." I did give it out and after being excused for the day just one time, I saw the parents addressing the issue better.

Send me a PM with your email if you would like me to share my letter.

[spud912]

My question is do you really want him to stay and work with the parents? Or would you kind of prefer to find someone else who would fit in better with the group?

I had a similar issue a year ago. I had dcb for 1 1/2 years and it was always rough. I kept trying and trying, but dcb was a handful and parents were not really on the same page when it came to correcting the behavior. I ended up having a conference with them (while he was terrorizing and acting defiant towards my dh in the playroom ) and I told them that perhaps he would do better in a different kind of environment. They ended up putting in their notice a few days later. I seriously have never felt such relief after he left!!

But if you feel like your dck's behavior can be worked with AND parents are 100% on the same page, then I would just schedule a conference after hours to come up with a plan of action.

[Michael]

Probation letters here: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...ation+-+letter

[Unregistered]

The first thing I would say is have you asked the family if there have been any recent changes/issues at home. Sometimes there is something going on that has brought on this behavior. The other thing is the child might be in need of evaluation.

If that doesn't lead anywhere, then maybe talk to the parents about the likelihood of being excused from the program. Whether that be for the day, week or entirely.

I have a letter that I had to create specifically for a child who was overly aggressive and was seriously hurting the other children. I didn't think the family was taking it seriously enough so I came up with an "Aggressive Behavior Policy." I did give it out and after being excused for the day just one time, I saw the parents addressing the issue better.

Send me a PM with your email if you would like me to share my letter.

Thank you for your advice, thrivingchildcarecom! I personally think he might need to be evaluated, but I also don't think the parents are taking it as seriously as I hoped they would. They think it's a phase and normal for 3 years old.

I'm going to send you a PM if you don't mind sharing your letter Thank you so much!!

[Unregistered]

My question is do you really want him to stay and work with the parents? Or would you kind of prefer to find someone else who would fit in better with the group?

I had a similar issue a year ago. I had dcb for 1 1/2 years and it was always rough. I kept trying and trying, but dcb was a handful and parents were not really on the same page when it came to correcting the behavior. I ended up having a conference with them (while he was terrorizing and acting defiant towards my dh in the playroom ) and I told them that perhaps he would do better in a different kind of environment. They ended up putting in their notice a few days later. I seriously have never felt such relief after he left!!

But if you feel like your dck's behavior can be worked with AND parents are 100% on the same page, then I would just schedule a conference after hours to come up with a plan of action.

Thanks for your advice, spud912! I would rather have him leave, but have had him at my daycare since he was an infant so I am torn right now. I was hoping that his parents would put him in a preschool setting in the fall, but they want to keep him at my daycare.

Scheduling a conference with the parents is a good idea. As much as I would like to try and continue working with the parents, I need to do what is best for my daycare and might need to let this family go and find another child who fits in better with my daycare group at this time.

[Unregistered]

Probation letters here: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...ation+-+letter

Thank you Michael!

[spud912]

Thanks for your advice, spud912! I would rather have him leave, but have had him at my daycare since he was an infant so I am torn right now. I was hoping that his parents would put him in a preschool setting in the fall, but they want to keep him at my daycare.

Scheduling a conference with the parents is a good idea. As much as I would like to try and continue working with the parents, I need to do what is best for my daycare and might need to let this family go and find another child who fits in better with my daycare group at this time.

In that case, I would suggest an entirely different type of program for the dcb. As much as I love Montessori, we don't really follow it, so I suggested it to my parents as an alternative (plus I think that environment would have done him wonders!). They disagreed, but got the hint and pulled him.

I know where you're coming from though. I had dcb for 1 1/2 years and devoted so much time and effort into improving him. He actually did get better for awhile, but then slumped back into defiant behavior when there was [good] family stress at home. I felt like if I quit on him then I was a failure. I felt like he was going to go somewhere and the new providers were going to say "I don't know what the big deal with the last provider was....he's great here!" I also just loved the parents....they are the nicest people!

Then it hit me. Maybe it's a personality conflict between me and dcb. Maybe HE would thrive somewhere else. It's not about ME....it's about making things better for dcb. The amount of stress he was creating for me, which was trickling into my family life, was not healthy for anyone, especially dcb. That's when I decided it was best to let him go.

[Unregistered]

In that case, I would suggest an entirely different type of program for the dcb. As much as I love Montessori, we don't really follow it, so I suggested it to my parents as an alternative (plus I think that environment would have done him wonders!). They disagreed, but got the hint and pulled him.

I know where you're coming from though. I had dcb for 1 1/2 years and devoted so much time and effort into improving him. He actually did get better for awhile, but then slumped back into defiant behavior when there was [good] family stress at home. I felt like if I quit on him then I was a failure. I felt like he was going to go somewhere and the new providers were going to say "I don't know what the big deal with the last provider was....he's great here!" I also just loved the parents....they are the nicest people!

Then it hit me. Maybe it's a personality conflict between me and dcb. Maybe HE would thrive somewhere else. It's not about ME....it's about making things better for dcb. The amount of stress he was creating for me, which was trickling into my family life, was not healthy for anyone, especially dcb. That's when I decided it was best to let him go.

Great idea to suggest a program such as Montessori for him, spud912.

You 100% hit the nail on the head also. I've been trying to work with the dcb for so long now. There are days that I feel like I am making progress but then other days are really stressful with him. I don't want to quit on him and feel like I failed but I do wonder if it's just me or if he would be great with another provider.

Thank you for your advice!

[Lilsprouts]

Need help asap. This child not only hits other kids he hits me as well.

The first thing I would say is have you asked the family if there have been any recent changes/issues at home. Sometimes there is something going on that has brought on this behavior. The other thing is the child might be in need of evaluation.

If that doesn't lead anywhere, then maybe talk to the parents about the likelihood of being excused from the program. Whether that be for the day, week or entirely.

I have a letter that I had to create specifically for a child who was overly aggressive and was seriously hurting the other children. I didn't think the family was taking it seriously enough so I came up with an "Aggressive Behavior Policy." I did give it out and after being excused for the day just one time, I saw the parents addressing the issue better.

Send me a PM with your email if you would like me to share my letter.

I'd love to see what you came up with! Ive already talked to parents about their child and they know how he is and just don't do anything about it.

[Lilsprouts]

Need help asap

I have a child whom is of course adorable, but has a temper and is violent. She hits just to hit and hurts other kids i cant get her to stop. The parents are aware of her behavior and just don't seem to do anything in fact they beg the 3 year old to listen to them. Other parents have witnessed her behavior and have complained their child don't want to come cause she hits. I'm not going to sugar coat my days with her are exhausting and hard i find myself having to be by her side all day so she wont hit others. Now I'm not willing to lose other kids over this, so I'm thinking of telling the parents well put her on probation for 2 weeks and if things don't change i cant keep her. This way I'm not giving up but I'm also letting other parents know I'm handling it. Honestly i know he's going but ill feel better knowing I tried and they needed to do their part. SO IF ANYONE HAS A SAMPLE I CAN US PLEASE SEND IT TO ME!! Thanks everyone!

[Blackcat31]

I have a child whom is of course adorable, but has a temper and is violent. She hits just to hit and hurts other kids i cant get her to stop. The parents are aware of her behavior and just don't seem to do anything in fact they beg the 3 year old to listen to them. Other parents have witnessed her behavior and have complained their child don't want to come cause she hits. I'm not going to sugar coat my days with her are exhausting and hard i find myself having to be by her side all day so she wont hit others. Now I'm not willing to lose other kids over this, so I'm thinking of telling the parents well put her on probation for 2 weeks and if things don't change i cant keep her. This way I'm not giving up but I'm also letting other parents know I'm handling it. Honestly i know he's going but ill feel better knowing I tried and they needed to do their part. SO IF ANYONE HAS A SAMPLE I CAN US PLEASE SEND IT TO ME!! Thanks everyone!

I'm sorry this isn't what you are asking for but why would you wait 2 weeks? This child has been groomed for 3 years that hitting IS okay so what difference is 2 weeks going to make??

Also you said "This way I'm not giving up"..... she is NOT your child to give up on....but it is YOUR business and the safe secure environment you promised other parents that you are giving up on when you keep a child that is that violent and aggressive towards others. You have an obligation to the other families and their children alot more than you do to ONE violent child.

The other parents will know you are handling it if you terminate the violent child. Their children will once again feel safe and WANT to come to daycare.