1 Year Old Hitting!

[Unregistered]

1.5 dcg hits all day long! I don't know what has gotten into her. There's one child she usually "beats on" but she doesn't discriminate I find I'm putting her in time out for hitting/biting all day and it's not changing anything. She won't even say sorry when she comes out of time out, so that's another battle in itself. Any ideas how to curb this behavior?

[spedmommy4]

1.5 dcg hits all day long! I don't know what has gotten into her. There's one child she usually "beats on" but she doesn't discriminate I find I'm putting her in time out for hitting/biting all day and it's not changing anything. She won't even say sorry when she comes out of time out, so that's another battle in itself. Any ideas how to curb this behavior?

At her age the concept of "sorry" wouldn't have much meaning. As adults, we understand the concept of feeling remorse for hurting another but children really don't get that until late 4/early 5. At that age, I would say, "that hurts," and direct my attention to the one hurt.

In terms of discipline, she needs teaching. Direction to use soft hands, ask for the toy, (please) etc. Then redirect her to another activity, rinse, and repeat.

[Ariana]

I handle this type of thing VERY firmly. I don't do time outs because they are useless, especially at this age. I usually scare the bejeebus out of hitters by getting to their level, holding their shoulders and saying in a very angry/firm/fed up voice "stop hitting". I then shadow them like crazy and do this every time. You kind of have to shock them a bit since up to this point the behavior has been tolerated by permissive parenting. It usually nips it in the bud for me. They know I mean business and violence is one of those things, that while normal, is something I take VERY seriously.

If this doesn't work after a few days the kid is terminated. No one, especially a child with no say, should be subjected to violence on a daily basis. It can have far reaching emotional and social consequences which does not sit well with me at all.

[JackandJill]

I agree with PP, I get right down to eye level and in a loud, firm tone say NO HITTING! It really does help to snap them out of the "hitting zone", and they learn quickly the best way to get me off their back is to stop, !

Good luck, I have two little ones who just entered this phase last week

[spedmommy4]

I agree with PP, I get right down to eye level and in a loud, firm tone say NO HITTING! It really does help to snap them out of the "hitting zone", and they learn quickly the best way to get me off their back is to stop, !

Good luck, I have two little ones who just entered this phase last week

The child probably wouldn't be responding to "no." They are responding to the tone of your voice. Understanding negatives (no, not, etc.) is still developing at that age.

The problem with using only a firm tone and no is that you're going to find yourself doing it over and over. The child didn't learn what to do instead from your interaction with them. The child learned that his/her behavior upset you in that moment.

So next time the child wants a toy, is upset, or whatever they still have no skills to solve the problem. I agree with taking it seriously but you also have to teach the child a new way to handle the problem.

[Play Care]

The child probably wouldn't be responding to "no." They are responding to the tone of your voice. Understanding negatives (no, not, etc.) is still developing at that age.

The problem with using only a firm tone and no is that you're going to find yourself doing it over and over. The child didn't learn what to do instead from your interaction with them. The child learned that his/her behavior upset you in that moment.

So next time the child wants a toy, is upset, or whatever they still have no skills to solve the problem. I agree with taking it seriously but you also have to teach the child a new way to handle the problem.

At the risk of being flamed here, I don't allow my under 2's "free range." The only time they can play out of their play yard is when I am right with them. If I have to be busy (changing a diaper, cooking lunch, using the bathroom, etc.) they are "up." I just think it's too much for them. They don't have the language and if you're not right there it quickly turns into a slug fest.
This is where an ounce of prevention can totally transform your day.

[Unregistered]

Generally children under three should not be placed in time out. For sure not a child 1.5 yrs. If a child is in time out more and more often or even more than once or twice a week different behavior management techniques should be used. It's just not working at this point and could be making things worse.

Time out can easily and quickly become overused.

If I had a child doing this I'd keep her close, watch to see what triggers her, is she getting enough sleep? needing a morning nap still?, hungry?, frustrated because of a lack of communication skills?, etc.

I'd make sure I had a good connection with this child. I'd be building a positive relationship with her. Connecting throughout the day.

Hunger and tiredness are mood altering for children as well as adults. Are these behaviors happening when she might be hungry or tired?

Are these attention seeking behaviors? I'd give her positive attention when she isn't engaging in the challenging behaviors.....hugs, high-fives, sitting on my lap listening to a story,etc. we get more of what we pay attention to.

I'd make sure my routine was consistent, that there was a variety of play areas, that we got outside 2-3x per day, etc.

I don't make kids apologize because they are not usually sorry! Older kids 2-2 1/2 and older I require they "fix" things after they have hit or been mean. I give them the choice of offering a hug, high-five, they can choose to say sorry, hand shake, etc. I say how are you going to fix this?

This kind of behavior usually signals frustration and/or stress of some kind. All behavior is a form of communication. It's very hard for kids to self-regulate and toddlers have the hardest time of all.

Also, go to the Vanderbilt University site. I have to go look it up. Be right back!

[Unregistered]

It's the center for the foundations of social emotional learning. There's tons of good info there on this topic at Vanderbilt University.

[daycarediva]

I handle this type of thing VERY firmly. I don't do time outs because they are useless, especially at this age. I usually scare the bejeebus out of hitters by getting to their level, holding their shoulders and saying in a very angry/firm/fed up voice "stop hitting". I then shadow them like crazy and do this every time. You kind of have to shock them a bit since up to this point the behavior has been tolerated by permissive parenting. It usually nips it in the bud for me. They know I mean business and violence is one of those things, that while normal, is something I take VERY seriously.

If this doesn't work after a few days the kid is terminated. No one, especially a child with no say, should be subjected to violence on a daily basis. It can have far reaching emotional and social consequences which does not sit well with me at all.

YUP! I also model and shadow a child going through this phase/learning and prevent the incidents from happening and give the child words to use instead of hitting.

[Lorna]

Well hope it works out for you but keep in mind that what the parents are doing has a big impact on what the child does at daycare. I had the same problem. I found out the parents were months before play wrestling with the child (which they did stop) then child was hitting them they weren't even reacting. He had been hitting so long it was second nature. I finally just said to the parents I don't know how much longer I can do this. He had hit a child in the face and left a mark beside her eye. So close to hitting her eye. Parents finally pulled him. I am related to the child and the parents still do nothing when he hits. My daughter will play with him and smack he hits her. I have never seen a kid like this. So I would discuss it with the parents and make sure they know when its happening. So it doesn't come as a shock if you have to terminate. The other kids in the daycare have a right to be safe in your care and not hit by another child.

[Ariana]

YUP! I also model and shadow a child going through this phase/learning and prevent the incidents from happening and give the child words to use instead of hitting.

Yes I completely forgot to add that I give them the words to use instead of hitting. I will tell them "if jenny is bothering you say STOP Jenny" and I model a hand up like a stop sign. That also works like a charm because toddlers are very eager to use words to get people to back up away from their stuff

[Unregistered]

Thanks everyone for the advice! I have been taking care of this little one since she was an.infant (is and will be my only infant...i learned my lesson ) I'm very close to her and her mom and I have a great working relationship. She is definitely interested in her day and does whatever she can to work with me on any issues but this one is certainly the hardest. From what I have gathered, I think their form of discipline is to give her a "tap" (we all know what that means) and I can't help but think that's part of the reason why the child is doing this and there really isn't much I can do about that :/ She's not even hitting out of frustration for the most part, she just...does it. I guess im just counting down the days until the terrible twos!