How to Address Attitude with This DCM & Injury

[Unregistered]

~Logged out for privacy.


I've had dcb2 now for 8 months.
For the most part, it's been a pretty easy 8 months. Dcb is a dream daycare child- very well behaved and easy going.
From the get go, the parents were ok, nervous a bit though (initially interviewed in person twice, the second time bringing their parents along)..
My problem is how the mom freaks out about odd things.
She frequently checks in with me throughout the day asking how dcb is because he complains about such and such hurting the night before.
DCb has never complained about whatever mom refers to, whether it's legs, arms, boo boos, whatever.
One night awhile back, she calls me after hours freaking out and asking if dcb injured his ankle because he's complaining about it hurting and it's purple. This was about 2 hours after he left. I said "no, perfectly normal day". I text her the next morning to ask if he's ok and coming for the day, and she text back that he "tricked" her and it was purple because he was sitting on it and it must have fallen asleep. ??? ok.

Yesterday, she calls about an hour after he left, freaking out and asking if he injured himself because he has a black eye.
Well, he did fall (a very light fall/trip) outside, but got right up and never even cried. She picked him up about 30 minutes after that and he looked perfectly fine with no red marks at all.
She seemed very irritated on the phone and actually hung up on me.
This morning, dad drops off. I check out dcb and he has a pretty minor red/purplish line above his eye. It's by no means "a black eye" and it looks like he hit it on something and it left a mark. It was NOT there when he left yesterday. I asked Dad about it, and he said his wife told him it didn't seem to bother him last night. Then he quickly left.
I asked dcb what happened to get a boo boo, and he told me his leg hurt. So, obviously, the eye thing doesn't register with him.

The whole thing seems odd to me.
I'm not saying an injury couldn't have happened when he fell down here yesterday, but wouldn't he have cried? Wouldn't it have left a mark of some sort within 30 minutes?
I don't take saying he has a "black eye" lightly. I certainly don't like how pissy she was on the phone yesterday and hanging up on me.

This ALSO comes on a week they paid late and got hit with a late fee along with a notice that their child would not be accepted if the fee wasn't paid immediately and the contract would be terminated with no refunds.
This was the second time they paid late, first time they asked and I ok'd it and didn't charge a late fee. This time, they didn't ask, they TOLD me they were paying late and I stood my ground and stuck to my contract.

I should also mention that this mom is a nurse and should know an injury (black eye) versus a bump versus a leg that "fell asleep".

What are your thoughts on this situation?

I'm very uneasy about the fact that she freaks out about things so easily. I'm irritated at the way she addressed her concerns yesterday.
I'm also not sure how to address it with her, because she will be the one picking up tonight and I don't want to just let it go, I feel it needs to be addressed.

[Mike]

Pain and marks don't always come right away, but if you saw a physical mark the next day that wasn't there before, it happened at home. Almost sounds to me like there are problems at home. The stress is affecting the mother.

[thrivingchildcarecom]

I usually don't say this, but might be time to terminate. I know new parents are a bit anxious, but this could very easily escalate to a licensing issue and cause you more problems than loosing a client. Unfortunately, we experience a great bit of liability caring for other peoples children so if you see red flags waving might be time for you to throw in a white flag and cut your losses. Sometimes its not a good fit for the provider.

[Blackcat31]

~Logged out for privacy.


I've had dcb2 now for 8 months.
For the most part, it's been a pretty easy 8 months. Dcb is a dream daycare child- very well behaved and easy going.
From the get go, the parents were ok, nervous a bit though (initially interviewed in person twice, the second time bringing their parents along)..
My problem is how the mom freaks out about odd things.
She frequently checks in with me throughout the day asking how dcb is because he complains about such and such hurting the night before.
DCb has never complained about whatever mom refers to, whether it's legs, arms, boo boos, whatever.
One night awhile back, she calls me after hours freaking out and asking if dcb injured his ankle because he's complaining about it hurting and it's purple. This was about 2 hours after he left. I said "no, perfectly normal day". I text her the next morning to ask if he's ok and coming for the day, and she text back that he "tricked" her and it was purple because he was sitting on it and it must have fallen asleep. ??? ok.

Yesterday, she calls about an hour after he left, freaking out and asking if he injured himself because he has a black eye.
Well, he did fall (a very light fall/trip) outside, but got right up and never even cried. She picked him up about 30 minutes after that and he looked perfectly fine with no red marks at all.
She seemed very irritated on the phone and actually hung up on me.
This morning, dad drops off. I check out dcb and he has a pretty minor red/purplish line above his eye. It's by no means "a black eye" and it looks like he hit it on something and it left a mark. It was NOT there when he left yesterday. I asked Dad about it, and he said his wife told him it didn't seem to bother him last night. Then he quickly left.
I asked dcb what happened to get a boo boo, and he told me his leg hurt. So, obviously, the eye thing doesn't register with him.

The whole thing seems odd to me.
I'm not saying an injury couldn't have happened when he fell down here yesterday, but wouldn't he have cried? Wouldn't it have left a mark of some sort within 30 minutes?
I don't take saying he has a "black eye" lightly. I certainly don't like how pissy she was on the phone yesterday and hanging up on me.

This ALSO comes on a week they paid late and got hit with a late fee along with a notice that their child would not be accepted if the fee wasn't paid immediately and the contract would be terminated with no refunds.
This was the second time they paid late, first time they asked and I ok'd it and didn't charge a late fee. This time, they didn't ask, they TOLD me they were paying late and I stood my ground and stuck to my contract.

I should also mention that this mom is a nurse and should know an injury (black eye) versus a bump versus a leg that "fell asleep".

What are your thoughts on this situation?

I'm very uneasy about the fact that she freaks out about things so easily. I'm irritated at the way she addressed her concerns yesterday.
I'm also not sure how to address it with her, because she will be the one picking up tonight and I don't want to just let it go, I feel it needs to be addressed.

It's imperative that parent's trust that I am going to provide adequate supervision and care for their child.

If that is not possible I am not the right fit for them.

I totally understand being concerned about your child...what parent isn't? But I am not okay with micro-managing and helicopter parenting.....

I will NEVER understand why those types of parents choose group care. Why not go with a nanny or a center that has cameras for parents..

[Unregistered]

Could mom be hurting him?

I'm new here, an don't have an account, but enjoy reading posts from other providers. Have you thought about the possibility that mom is hurting this child? Maybe she is at home and asking about this and that to try and cover her butt?

As I was reading your thread I just couldn't get that thought out of my head. I know it's messed up, but in the 6 years I've been a dcp I've seen worse from parents. Sorry if this is inappropriate, but it reminds me of the boyfriend who always accuses the girlfriend of cheating, because he is the one actually cheating.

[Unregistered]

Pain and marks don't always come right away, but if you saw a physical mark the next day that wasn't there before, it happened at home. Almost sounds to me like there are problems at home. The stress is affecting the mother.

The thought has crossed my mind. However, there are no other (past) physical signs that I have seen beyond the normal preschool-age shin bruises.
But, the constant checking in because "such and such" hurt last night bothers my conscious a bit.

I usually don't say this, but might be time to terminate. I know new parents are a bit anxious, but this could very easily escalate to a licensing issue and cause you more problems than loosing a client. Unfortunately, we experience a great bit of liability caring for other peoples children so if you see red flags waving might be time for you to throw in a white flag and cut your losses. Sometimes its not a good fit for the provider.

This is something I'm considering, but not quite sure how to phrase a termination beyond "we are not a good fit" (after 8 months of care).

It's imperative that parent's trust that I am going to provide adequate supervision and care for their child.

If that is not possible I am not the right fit for them.

I totally understand being concerned about your child...what parent isn't? But I am not okay with micro-managing and helicopter parenting.....

I will NEVER understand why those types of parents choose group care. Why not go with a nanny or a center that has cameras for parents..

Agreed. I may use the "trust" statement if I decide to terminate. Thanks!

[MunchkinWrangler]

I would call her out. Blatantly. If she can't communicate with you in an adult manner, it's not a good fit. Even after 8 months. Hanging up on you is not a mature action. I would tell her that if she can't talk to you in a mature and respectful manner she's not a good fit for you services. Obviously, this isn't the child's fault.

[Mike]

I'm new here, an don't have an account, but enjoy reading posts from other providers. Have you thought about the possibility that mom is hurting this child? Maybe she is at home and asking about this and that to try and cover her butt?

As I was reading your thread I just couldn't get that thought out of my head. I know it's messed up, but in the 6 years I've been a dcp I've seen worse from parents. Sorry if this is inappropriate, but it reminds me of the boyfriend who always accuses the girlfriend of cheating, because he is the one actually cheating.

That's kind of what I was thinking. I've seen it before myself. Something wrong at home and one of the parents tries to move the blame. That's one thing I'm concerned about when I start the business, child abuse. It does happen and I know quite a bit about it like what to watch for, so have to be ready for any children I do see signs with.

[NightOwl]

I would say, dcm, if you do not have 100% trust in me and feel confident that I will always be totally honest about any incidents that occur in my home, then it is probably a good idea for you to find alternate care that better suits your needs. Trust is the backbone of our relationship.

Also, if you are unable to conduct yourself with respect and in a calm manner when we discuss these matters, I again believe it is time for you to find alternate care. I treasure your child and love having him with me every day, but I will not tolerate suspicion and disrespect from a parent no matter how much I like the child.

If you are unable to comply with these guidelines, then consider this your two week termination notice. If you wish to try this again with a mature and trusting attitude, then I'd be happy to oblige. Any further incidents however, will be followed promptly with a termination.

[Thriftylady]

That's kind of what I was thinking. I've seen it before myself. Something wrong at home and one of the parents tries to move the blame. That's one thing I'm concerned about when I start the business, child abuse. It does happen and I know quite a bit about it like what to watch for, so have to be ready for any children I do see signs with.

First I am going to answer this, then the OP. In all my years of caring for children, I have only reported once for suspected abuse. I have found that abuse that can be seen isn't so common, at least it hasn't been for me. I worry more about being accused of it, and that is what I would feel like was happening if I was the OP here. I have seen things that I thought should be considered abuse, but never would be.

OP, if this was me, I would have to term. Based on the trust issue alone. At this point, I wouldn't feel like I could trust mom not to make a report of abuse towards me that wasn't there just because of her lack of trust. I wouldn't be able to care for this kiddo one more day. I would see it as a liability at this point.

[KiddieCahoots]

Your post kinda says what you know.
Mom has not been 100% on board with trust. But now she is using it as a "tit for tat" in regards to her own self inadequacies of non payment.
This is not how daycare works.
For you to continue working with her, you need to make it clear that this needs to stop, otherwise another client that does trust you, for you to get onto other daycare matters is beneficial to everybody in your care, especially YOU!

[BdB]

I would document EVERYTHING, and I would terminate her. She is trouble, AND she pays late. Not worth the liability IMO.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Had a very similar issue. I wrote on here about it, sor it may be in the archives. First time mom with a 5 month old dcg. First time was a text after hours about a scratch, which didn't happen here. Second time, she asked if dcg got hit, bc she had a black eye I made her show me pics (not a black eye, just circles under her eyes...fairly common for a young baby who isnt sleeping thru the night)and I took BC advice I believe, and made mom take dcg girl to doc before returning. Mom wasn't too happy, but I made it clear that if she is going to do this whole song and dance, then I am going to require a doc check every time. I am going to make her take the time, pay the insurance Co pays, and sit and listen while a professional doc tells her she is over reacting. She never did it again, but she did lose her job a few weeks later and tried to get out of paying my notice, but that's a whole other topic

[Unregistered]

I would be tempted to do a full body check at arrival and departure in front of the parents

[daycarediva]

It's imperative that parent's trust that I am going to provide adequate supervision and care for their child.

If that is not possible I am not the right fit for them.

I totally understand being concerned about your child...what parent isn't? But I am not okay with micro-managing and helicopter parenting.....

I will NEVER understand why those types of parents choose group care. Why not go with a nanny or a center that has cameras for parents..

I would call her out. Blatantly. If she can't communicate with you in an adult manner, it's not a good fit. Even after 8 months. Hanging up on you is not a mature action. I would tell her that if she can't talk to you in a mature and respectful manner she's not a good fit for you services. Obviously, this isn't the child's fault.

No trust=no care.

Make an excuse, or whatever you need to do and let them go (aside from the lack of trust the hanging up on me or late payments would have done me in)