Purposely Screaming

[daycare]

I have not on in awhile, taking classes and finals keeping me super busy.

I have a child that is 4.5, been with me about 2 years.

The child is always a little on the more difficult side than the rest of my group, but we can normally manage her most of the time.

She does well as long as routine is always in place. At school here routine is very consistent, at home I don't think so.
Her family recently went on a week vacation and since returning this week, the child is purposely screaming their lungs out so that they can go home.

On monday, she was screaming for over 2 hours and I made dcd come pick up. I told dcd that at home there needs to be consequences for this or the child is going to do this to go home every day now. DCD admitted that the child has ben doing it for over a year at home and they just send her to her room and let her do it there for as long as she wants with the door shut.....UGH

Well, I don't know if the dcp followed through with any loss of privileges or not at home on Monday, we have not had a good day since. Either in the morning, or at some point in the day the child will scream to the point of scaring all of the other kids.

I was able to talk to her at a time when she was calm and asked her why she is screaming and she said because she wants to stay with her mother like last time, meaning like when they went on vacation. We talked with all of the kids and her about it. We discussed how mom and dads have to work and all kids have to go to school. She has an older sister and we told her same with her too.

I talked with the dcm and dcm says she is doing it on purpose, she does it when it's time to go to bed, time to do anything she may not want to do. This is not crying, it is down right screaming at the top of her lungs and she can go HOURS doing it. I agree that it is on purpose as well. The child does it any time she doesn't get her way.

DCM and I sat and talked with her and told her, no matter how much you scream your mom is not going to come and pick you up, your mom has to work and you are safe at school and going to have fun. DCG always says ok, but that goes right out the window. DCM has also agreed to have her loose privileges at home if I report back that there was any screaming at school.

NOthing is working. No amount of talking, trying to calm down, moving to the furtherest part of the house, DCG will come out of where she is and go into the DC and scream as loud as she can. I put her back, she comes back out. My dcks are not used to hearing anyone cry, we are a really happy bunch. The rest of the kids are starting to get really scared and freaked out by it, they hold on to me for dear life.

I really don't know what to do here. The only thing that I can do is put her in time out for short periods, which she will just come out and scream. Yesterday she did it 4 times for about a total of an hour each time. 4 hours of screaming yesterday.

Normally, I would just send her home, but then she is just going to keep doing it. any other ideas?

Also, the child will scream here and then as soon as she's done, I have been giving back full privileges. Which I feel like isn't helping at all either.

HELP BEFORE MY HAIR FALLS OUT

[Leigh]

I have not on in awhile, taking classes and finals keeping me super busy.

I have a child that is 4.5, been with me about 2 years.

The child is always a little on the more difficult side than the rest of my group, but we can normally manage her most of the time.

She does well as long as routine is always in place. At school here routine is very consistent, at home I don't think so.
Her family recently went on a week vacation and since returning this week, the child is purposely screaming their lungs out so that they can go home.

On monday, she was screaming for over 2 hours and I made dcd come pick up. I told dcd that at home there needs to be consequences for this or the child is going to do this to go home every day now. DCD admitted that the child has ben doing it for over a year at home and they just send her to her room and let her do it there for as long as she wants with the door shut.....UGH

Well, I don't know if the dcp followed through with any loss of privileges or not at home on Monday, we have not had a good day since. Either in the morning, or at some point in the day the child will scream to the point of scaring all of the other kids.

I was able to talk to her at a time when she was calm and asked her why she is screaming and she said because she wants to stay with her mother like last time, meaning like when they went on vacation. We talked with all of the kids and her about it. We discussed how mom and dads have to work and all kids have to go to school. She has an older sister and we told her same with her too.

I talked with the dcm and dcm says she is doing it on purpose, she does it when it's time to go to bed, time to do anything she may not want to do. This is not crying, it is down right screaming at the top of her lungs and she can go HOURS doing it. I agree that it is on purpose as well. The child does it any time she doesn't get her way.

DCM and I sat and talked with her and told her, no matter how much you scream your mom is not going to come and pick you up, your mom has to work and you are safe at school and going to have fun. DCG always says ok, but that goes right out the window. DCM has also agreed to have her loose privileges at home if I report back that there was any screaming at school.

NOthing is working. No amount of talking, trying to calm down, moving to the furtherest part of the house, DCG will come out of where she is and go into the DC and scream as loud as she can. I put her back, she comes back out. My dcks are not used to hearing anyone cry, we are a really happy bunch. The rest of the kids are starting to get really scared and freaked out by it, they hold on to me for dear life.

I really don't know what to do here. The only thing that I can do is put her in time out for short periods, which she will just come out and scream. Yesterday she did it 4 times for about a total of an hour each time. 4 hours of screaming yesterday.

Normally, I would just send her home, but then she is just going to keep doing it. any other ideas?

Also, the child will scream here and then as soon as she's done, I have been giving back full privileges. Which I feel like isn't helping at all either.

HELP BEFORE MY HAIR FALLS OUT

Is the weather nice? I used to sit my screamer down on the back porch and tell him to come back in when he's done. Only had to do it maybe 6 times before the screaming stopped (he realized his audience was gone). I had a foster child who would scream for hours at a time, too. We'd put on headphones and pretend that we couldn't hear her and it stopped. If the audience disappears, so does the behavior.

[daycare]

Is the weather nice? I used to sit my screamer down on the back porch and tell him to come back in when he's done. Only had to do it maybe 6 times before the screaming stopped (he realized his audience was gone). I had a foster child who would scream for hours at a time, too. We'd put on headphones and pretend that we couldn't hear her and it stopped. If the audience disappears, so does the behavior.

Well I really like my neighbors so I can't do that. Also, I have done the ignore and the child will go up to 3 hours of straight screaming if I just let them go at it and ignore them.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I'd ask them to have her evaluated by a behavioral psychologist at this point in the game. That is a lot of time and energy she is sinking into something that isn't netting her any results (both at school and home).

Also, GOD BLESS YOU for holding on as long as you have. 4.5-year-olds have mighty lungs!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Is the weather nice? I used to sit my screamer down on the back porch and tell him to come back in when he's done. Only had to do it maybe 6 times before the screaming stopped (he realized his audience was gone). I had a foster child who would scream for hours at a time, too. We'd put on headphones and pretend that we couldn't hear her and it stopped. If the audience disappears, so does the behavior.

Could you use the advice of the headphones and have everyone, kids and staff, put on headphones whenever she does it so it appears as though they can't hear her?

[Unregistered]

Why tolerate it? Is it hard to fill spots in your area? There's a big difference between a 1 year old screaming and a 4 year old screaming. Don't think I'd have the patience to deal with something like that...

[daycare]

Why tolerate it? Is it hard to fill spots in your area? There's a big difference between a 1 year old screaming and a 4 year old screaming. Don't think I'd have the patience to deal with something like that...

I am not going to give up only after one week. I am looking here for some resolution first and will try the headphone thing and maybe taking the rest of the kids outside and let my husband watch the screamer. this way it won't be so bad. I really like the headphone idea. thank you for that. it's only been 4 days. I have my sticker up for day 15 and if it's still going on, then I will have no choice but to term.

As for the eval, I agree that the child needs one as well. the sister was the same exact way, except she would stop. I didn't have the sister too long.

[TwinMama]

Where are you putting her? Is she comfortable? I'd find a wooden barstool and make her sit on that. It sounds mean but if you make her feel uncomfortable wherever she's at she won't do it long.

My son would sit on time out forever before, but I started putting him on a wooden saddle stool with no back on it in the middle of the kitchen away from everyone. He decided that time outs weren't so fun after all.

[daycare]

Where are you putting her? Is she comfortable? I'd find a wooden barstool and make her sit on that. It sounds mean but if you make her feel uncomfortable wherever she's at she won't do it long.

My son would sit on time out forever before, but I started putting him on a wooden saddle stool with no back on it in the middle of the kitchen away from everyone. He decided that time outs weren't so fun after all.

so the only place that we can sit her away from everyone is on the bathroom floor right by the door. I thought that maybe having the light off with a cool fan would be calming, but I guess not. No matter where it is, she will just come out and find us and start her screaming.

[Snowmom]

I don't think you're going to get any REAL results until the parents are on board with disciplining the behavior.
IMHO, it needs to be put back on them.
If she has an out of control fit (and it IS out of control since it lasts two hours), then they need to pick her up and deal with it.
Whether it's going straight to bed at home, losing toys or other possessions, etc. There needs to be a consequence from her parents and it needs to be something that matters to her. It can't just be fun, alone time with mommy and daddy.

If it tones down and starts working, then I would maybe give consequences at daycare if she STARTS it again (the very minute she starts), I'd pick her up, sit her down in a "cool down" spot and tell her that if she continues, she will lose X (an activity or time that she enjoys).
But again, if it gets out of control, I'd call mom and dad and they should deal with it.
To me, that is too much stress to deal with for you and for the other kids in your care.

[Unregistered]

Is the weather nice? I used to sit my screamer down on the back porch and tell him to come back in when he's done. Only had to do it maybe 6 times before the screaming stopped (he realized his audience was gone).

How lovely for your neighbors.

[childcaremom]

I don't think you're going to get any REAL results until the parents are on board with disciplining the behavior.
IMHO, it needs to be put back on them.
If she has an out of control fit (and it IS out of control since it lasts two hours), then they need to pick her up and deal with it.
Whether it's going straight to bed at home, losing toys or other possessions, etc. There needs to be a consequence from her parents and it needs to be something that matters to her. It can't just be fun, alone time with mommy and daddy.

If it tones down and starts working, then I would maybe give consequences at daycare if she STARTS it again (the very minute she starts), I'd pick her up, sit her down in a "cool down" spot and tell her that if she continues, she will lose X (an activity or time that she enjoys).
But again, if it gets out of control, I'd call mom and dad and they should deal with it.
To me, that is too much stress to deal with for you and for the other kids in your care.

I feel torn between suggesting sending home because that is what she wants but I would not be willing to deal with this for very long. You are doing what you can from your end and parents need to help out here.

I think I would decide on a 'reasonable' amount of time that you will deal with it there. I would consider everyone's sanity (yours, your co-workers, the other children). Then I would be calling for pick up. Dcm and dcd need to make it an unpleasant experience for dcg when she comes home. In other words, not special time with them. That is on them to decide what that is.

I would tell dcps what you are planning to do, how you will be dealing and for how long and that you expect them to pick up and take her home.

I am glad you have a star on your calendar. :hug: Here's hoping it resolves quickly!

[Kimskiddos]

I remember a provider that was going through something similar. What she did was give the kid a screaming bowl. Just a big bowl or bucket and when kid would scream had to hold the bowl in front of her face. This deflected most of the noise right back into the face and ears of screamer. She said it stopped the behavior pretty quick.

A little unorthodox but maybe worth a try?

[rosieteddy]

I like the screaming bowl idea..I personally would not put up with this at 4.5 yrs old. You are very patient it would be term for me.

[daycare]

I feel torn between suggesting sending home because that is what she wants but I would not be willing to deal with this for very long. You are doing what you can from your end and parents need to help out here.

I think I would decide on a 'reasonable' amount of time that you will deal with it there. I would consider everyone's sanity (yours, your co-workers, the other children). Then I would be calling for pick up. Dcm and dcd need to make it an unpleasant experience for dcg when she comes home. In other words, not special time with them. That is on them to decide what that is.

I would tell dcps what you are planning to do, how you will be dealing and for how long and that you expect them to pick up and take her home.

I am glad you have a star on your calendar. :hug: Here's hoping it resolves quickly!

thanks for all the feed back. Well I didn't have enough head phones, but gave them to the ones that were getting scared. we just kept the preschool room a very positive up beat place with a real big extra boost of informing all of the kids they are safe and ok. It worked.

the screamer yesterday had to sit in the hallway most of the day. She asked to get out of the hallway and I said sure but if you scream you go back and no this or that or the other. well we ended up doing that all day.

Nap time we had to have her nap in my office with me there, she screamed for about an hour, I just sat with headphones on until she fell asleep.

Today she came in started to scream and I told her you will sit in the hallway again and do nothing if you scream, she stopped and went and played.

so doing nothing and ignoring seemed to work.

so far today has been a really good day.

the bowl idea sounds interesting. I am not sure that would be something we can do. I think she is scared out of her mind when she is losing that much control of her emotions.