How Do You Deal With Crying?

[DBug]

So when a child is throwing a tantrum and/or having a huge crying fit, how do you stop from getting stressed about it? This is a big challenge for me, because as soon as the tantrums start, I start shoving food in my mouth -- I guess it's my way of dealing with the stress. I can be very patient and firm and under control when actually interacting with the tantrum-thrower, but at the same time I'm grabbing snacks non-stop (chocolate if I've got it, but anything else will do too!). I'm guessing this is why I've gained so much weight since starting my daycare .

How do you keep your blood pressure down and stay calm internally and not just externally when the crying is pushing you over the edge? I would never lash out or do anything unthinkable when a child is crying, but obviously I am still reacting to it in a negative way. Any suggestions?

[dEHmom]

I don't know what the books say about it, but for me, I ignore them. I've actually always been able to tune them out. If you can't, it might be harder. But I just walk away as long as they are in no danger of hurting anyone. If they need to sit in time out, even if I sit with them, I don't respond at all to the tantrum.
If you walk away, they often will chase you, and that's when you really have to ignore them. If they are following you around with their tantrum, then it's truly just the attention they want.
With one of my kids, when he wasn't talking much, the doctors explained to me his tantrums were because of the inability to communicate with me. So he would become so frustrated with trying to tell me what he wanted and being unsuccessful, that he gave up, and shut down, or melted down. Once he learned how to communicate clearly, it stopped.

Tantrums are a way children get what they want, ATTENTION. If you respond to it with attention, whether good or bad, they are getting what they want.

[jen]

If it is getting to you, put them in a pack and plan in a room away from your for a minute. Turn the monitor volume off, but keep an eye on the lights. If the response for a tantrum is always removal, the tantrum stage will end pretty quickly.

Good luck. I have a kid who cries about everything, he's 3. This morning his Dad told me he was have a fit so he put him in the closet! I hope it was the walk-in?!

[dEHmom]

This morning his Dad told me he was have a fit so he put him in the closet! I hope it was the walk-in?!

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Oh my this is funny!

[Cat Herder]

Crying I can take. I have zero guilt simply meeting their immediate needs, ruling out correctable issues, placing them in a safe crib and walking away.

Screaming/tantrums (control fits), I send them home at the 4 hour mark. It is in my contract. At that point I have done all the good I possibly can for them...

[DBug]

Yeah, I ignore too -- if they're old enough to stay put, they can sit on the time-out step til they're done crying. If not, they can go in a pnp or have their fit in the playroom as long as they're not hurting anyone. I'm totally okay with walking away and carrying on with whatever needs doing. I just find myself eating while doing it ..

[laundrymom]

I get in front of them and say I will listen after you are nice. And walk away.

[SandeeAR]

Yeah, I ignore too -- if they're old enough to stay put, they can sit on the time-out step til they're done crying. If not, they can go in a pnp or have their fit in the playroom as long as they're not hurting anyone. I'm totally okay with walking away and carrying on with whatever needs doing.

Ditto here.

[VTMom]

When my 3, 4 or 6 year old is having a fit, I usually ask them to hold on a minute so I can get a good spot to watch it. I'll adjust myself and then tell them to continue and that I want to see a really good fit. 9 times out of 10 this difuses them and they walk away forgetting what they were having a fit about.

[E Daycare]

Any suggestions?

[Unregistered]

Crying

If the crying is because the child is hurt, then I will most definitely comfort the child, but if a child is crying or throwing a tantrum, I ignore it unless it is proving to be stressful or dangerous to the other dcks. If that's the case, I just have the cryer go to either the other daycare room and get it out of their system or go to the end of the hall and get it out of their system. It's not a timeout at all. It's me giving the child a chance to pull herself together before the crying/tantrum leads to a time out. I am excellent at tuning out tantrums. It's a benefit of having a child of my own that used to (and sometimes still does) throw EPIC tantrums.

This may sound counter productive, but in some cases, I will encourage the child to cry louder or throw a bigger tantrum because I don't think that her heart is really in it. I then will proceed to throw a pretend temper tantrum and within a minute or so, the child throwing the fit can't even remember what it was that made the kid so upset. That works too and it gives all of the other kids a good laugh at my expense! I then tell all of the kids that when they throw fits, that's exactly what they look like to me and to all of the other dcks that are watching.

[E Daycare]

I was watching, maybe Dr. Phil the other day (I cant remember but im pretty sure it was Dr. Phil) where he had a guy on there who mentioned to do practice tantrums with a kid. Have a contest on who can have the best practice tantrum so this way when they really do you can tell them "that wasn't as good as our practice one, lets try again". I think thats how it went, if someone caught that too then correct me if I'm wrong. It was to lessen the severity and longevity of the tantrums. This was for older kids though as the young ones I have here including my son wont understand the practice .

They do look at me funny when I start in on the tantrum too but for the most part, unless they are hurting themselves or someone else, I just ignore it.

[DBug]

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Okay, but what about DURING daycare hours?

[E Daycare]

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Okay, but what about DURING daycare hours?

LOL ::

[MyAngels]

When my 3, 4 or 6 year old is having a fit, I usually ask them to hold on a minute so I can get a good spot to watch it. I'll adjust myself and then tell them to continue and that I want to see a really good fit. 9 times out of 10 this difuses them and they walk away forgetting what they were having a fit about.

Hmm, I thought I was the only one to ever do this - glad to see I'm not ::.

As far as the stress eating - you've already started to correct it by identifying the problem and what triggers it. I used to be the same way, but as soon as I recognize the triggers I stop, sit down, close my eyes, take deep breaths, rub my temples, and remind myself that I'm not doing anyone any good by going for that donut.