At What Age Should They Really Know Better?

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

I was just curious on everyones thoughts/opinions on what age do you think children should really know better?

My part day daycare boy is 2 years 2 months....For several months he has had difficulty playing with any child nicely. He gets upset easily and throws crayons, toys, and is just plain hyper and VERY busy into everything. He threw a Fridge phonics toy at my other 2 year old daycare boy giving him a PURPLE bruise under his eye about 2 months ago, randomly hits all the kids in the house for no reason, throws any toy at them without warning (just 2 days ago my 7 year old daughter was playing super nice with him, she's always so kind to him and out of nowhere he threw a real cell phone at her and hit her in the stomach)...I have caught him drawing crayon on the fish tank, my BRAND NEW TV!, walls..all in the flash of an eye, thinks it's fun to throw all the books off the bookshelf (I have curved this one but if I get busy, he'll start to do it but I catch him in the act).

When he hits/throws most of the time he seems to do it out of fun or he will do it and act surprised that he did it, although I have seen him do it because he was frustrated. If he is getting into something that he isn't supposed to, I redirect his attention but each and every time he gets upset and starts throwing something because he can't have what I was taking away.

I have been doing 2min. time outs everytime he does something naughty, but he continues to do all of the above and I'm starting to get discouraged because my kids are getting hurt as well as the other daycare kids. My husband was home the week after Christmas and got to see how difficult he can be, he had a tough time with him and he's very good with kids.

A part of me says he's still so young yet and he's having a hard time with his emotions, but at what point do I need to say, ok, he's old enough to know better, this is not normal? He takes minute for minute supervision or he's doing something naughty or hurting someone. It's exhausting and if I had him full time I might think of terming, but right now he's only part day (Tuesday I have him all day and that day is CRAZY!) and he naps for some of that time and I get good state pay for him that I can't live without right now.

So, thoughts? Normal, or not??

[misol]

My own children started to really "know" better at about 15 months. I have a 16 month old in care right now that knows better too and she will even look around to see who is looking before she does something:: Generally I would say by 18 months they know when they are doing something they aren't supposed to be doing. So unless your 2 year old dcb has mental or developmental delays, he knows exactly what's up!

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

So unless your 2 year old dcb has mental or developmental delays, he knows exactly what's up!

No mental delays at all, the boy is wicked smart!! Talks well for his age and has been saying his ABC's all the way through for a couple of months now!

[marniewon]

No mental delays at all, the boy is wicked smart!! Talks well for his age and has been saying his ABC's all the way through for a couple of months now!

No autistic tendencies?

If he's only there one day a week, could it be that he's having a hard time adjusting to daycare? I think he's old enough to know better. And I think I would have him playing by himself with a few select (soft) toys until he could play nicely in a group. Also, NO CRAYONS!

[BentleysBands]

He would spend lots of time in a boosterseat with nothing. He knows better

[Cat Herder]

It sounds like it is working for him somewhere.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

He is here every day of the week part days..about 5 hours a day except Tuesdays he's here all day for about 8 hours.

[kendallina]

He definitely knows better, however, many children that age (especially boys) are not good at controlling their impulses. That's his problem. It's not that he doesn't know better. If you were to ask him if it's okay to throw things like that he would say no. He knows better, but in the moment he cannot help himself.

One way to work with children with poor impulse control is to first figure out why he does it. You said he gets frustrated...what is he frustrated about? Is there a particular toy he's trying to get, has someone upset him, etc.

Once you know the main reason for his behavior, then you can start to intervene before it happens. This won't be perfect and you won't always catch it, but if you can focus a little more attention on him for a couple of days or a week and 'catch' this behavior before it happens (when he starts to show signs of frustration before he acts out...or better yet, when you see a child take his toy, or whatever it is that's causing his behavior...). When you see it coming, stop him gently and give him the words to use to get what he wants. You have to teach him the proper way to get out his frustration. If he doesn't have a lot of language yet, then just help him use a word or two. Another suggestion that I've used with kids easily frustrated it to teach him to stop his feet when he's mad. Stopping his feet is not a desirable behavior by any means, but it's more desirable then throwing things everywhere and may help him get some of his need to be physical out.

The other option with throwing might be that he's really looking for sensory stimulation. Do you have a sensory table or playdo available to the children to play regularly? He may really need to get some physical motions out and providing a positive outlet for that may help.

Sounds like time outs aren't working (sometimes they do...sometimes they don't), so I'd probably use them with this child for only really awful behaviors (if at all). Hope some of this helps, I've been where you are and it can be an extremely frustrating situation to be in...

[countrymom]

so I have a 2 yr old that would hit non stop too. It was so crazy, but I found out that he watched kick boxing with his dad so I knew where he got it from. It took almost 3 months of alot of time outs for him to finally stop. I don't even do age/time with him because he just wasn't getting it. there were days that he spent most of the days in time out, but now he's fine. so hang in there and the minute you see him do it send him in the corner.

[Unregistered]

When should they know better

I guess it all depends on the age of the child. I have a 11month old dcg who gets a little too rough when she hugs and kisses her friends. I think her situation is one of the situations where she doesn't know better, because she's acting out of showing affection. She just happens to be a very affectionate and very big girl!

As far as my other dcks are concerned, I've made it a point to reinforce early and often what types of behaviors are acceptible and which are not. I have an almost 2.5 year old dcb who is very easily angered and he will lash out by either pushing the closest person to him or by throwing a toy. He knows that he's not supposed to do that because if he didn't know, then he would do it all of the time. I have 2 older dcgs who bicker at each other like a couple of little old crabby ladies, but once I give them "the look", they immediately stop fightiing because they know better.

It's never too soon to start instilling your expectations in regard to behavior with kids, not matter what age they are. I don't mean put a baby who pulls hair in time-out, but just firmly say "No thank you. It hurts when we pull our friends hair." or any other way that you want to word it.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Thank you Kendallina for those suggestions. I can pinpoint some of his frustrations but not all. I have been working on avoiding his stressers when possible.

As for the other day, my daughter was playing so nice with him because that's how she is, and out of nowhere he throws the phone at her. I couldn't see that coming and no reason that sparked it off. So I don't know. I just hope it gets better!