The Unhappy Child

[Unregistered logged out]

The youngest member of the daycare is 7 months old and he's been coming 2 times a week since he was 2 weeks old. He cries 75% of his awake time crying. I've tried rock n plays, pnp, exersaucer, many many toys, play mats, boppy, swings, bumbo and so much more. It doesn't help he still cries. I've never had a child that was this unhappy so much. I hold him as much as I possibly can but I have other kids that need me too. A few weeks ago I finally caved and purchased a babywearing carrier so the other kids weren't as miserable. It didn't work which I'm thankful for a little since I already have a bad back.

I've talked to mom and he's not like this at home. She babywears when she can't hold him and holds him when she's not doing anything.

Any tips please!!! I really don't want to term since my son is best friends with her oldest and we are connected a lot through school. She's one of those parents that every tiny tiny thing goes on FB and every rant is... Explosive. I'm worried she could trash my reputation if I'm not super careful.

[ChelseaB]

I've had this child :/ and honestly, it never got better for me. The poor child wasn't here enough to fully adjust, and if the parents refuse to really do anything at home to help them learn to be a little more independent, they're setting them up for failure in group care imho. I tried for months before I had a breaking point while the child was here what turned out to be her final day. Wonderful family, but after she screamed and cried for over half an hour, my nerves snapped and I realized I couldn't keep this child anymore. It wasn't fair to ANYONE. I had to call for early pick up and explained to mom that I care about all of them, but DCG simply wasn't happy being away from mom. I felt it was too stressful for her poor little body to be so upset and distraught like that, and it could be that she wasn't here enough to fully adjust. But as it currently stood, I'd be unable to continue care for her. It was just an honest communication that there was nothing wrong with the child or her parenting style. Simply that baby was attached to mom, and it made group care extremely difficult at this time. I elaborated how wonderful I felt they all were, and reassured her as much as possible. That kind of stuff is never easy, but it was simply the best decision I ever made. The anxiety I felt over it wasn't worth it.

I understand you're concerned about your relationship and that mom may lash out on FB, etc...however, if that's how she wants to handle things, you're probably better off finding a family more suitable to your care. If she does try anything like that, you can threaten legal recourse for slandering you, etc. that usually stops unwanted behavior. I'm sorry that there's no easy answer but good luck!

[rosieteddy]

Could he come more days?I always found part time harder.The last few children I had part time were tough.I did end up with more outdoor time The little one was not as annoying to listen to outside.I sat with him on my lap the others played. Still a long day.

[JackandJill]

I've been through the same thing, and he was with me full time. I finally let the family go after 5 months without any changes. The parents didn't want to change the parenting style at home to help him adjust to group care (they were always holding him, co sleeping, etc.). I guess I don't have much advice, except that you have to do whats best for you and your business!

[childcaremom]

I've had this child :/ and honestly, it never got better for me. The poor child wasn't here enough to fully adjust, and if the parents refuse to really do anything at home to help them learn to be a little more independent, they're setting them up for failure in group care imho. I tried for months before I had a breaking point while the child was here what turned out to be her final day. Wonderful family, but after she screamed and cried for over half an hour, my nerves snapped and I realized I couldn't keep this child anymore. It wasn't fair to ANYONE. I had to call for early pick up and explained to mom that I care about all of them, but DCG simply wasn't happy being away from mom. I felt it was too stressful for her poor little body to be so upset and distraught like that, and it could be that she wasn't here enough to fully adjust. But as it currently stood, I'd be unable to continue care for her. It was just an honest communication that there was nothing wrong with the child or her parenting style. Simply that baby was attached to mom, and it made group care extremely difficult at this time. I elaborated how wonderful I felt they all were, and reassured her as much as possible. That kind of stuff is never easy, but it was simply the best decision I ever made. The anxiety I felt over it wasn't worth it.

I understand you're concerned about your relationship and that mom may lash out on FB, etc...however, if that's how she wants to handle things, you're probably better off finding a family more suitable to your care. If she does try anything like that, you can threaten legal recourse for slandering you, etc. that usually stops unwanted behavior. I'm sorry that there's no easy answer but good luck!

Exactly how I would handle it. I would stress to dcm that it is in the child's best interests. Which it is. But it is also important for your mental health. :hug:

Very difficult to get a very young child adapted to group care when they are only there for 2 days a week. Also very difficult for children who are held 100% of the time at home to adapt to group care.

[CityGarden]

(((HUGS))) I know that is tough.

Sounds like this mom is practicing Attachment Parenting which is challenging in a group setting. I raised my daughter as a baby this way and it was a blessing to be home and do that but I was lucky in that I did not need outside care.

I know a local provider who specializes in Infants (0-3 only) and she is AP friendly --- What works for her is she requires a min of 3 full days a week. She also will only take one baby in arms so she can be available to babywear etc. If you want you can consider asking the parents to provide an Ergo Baby Carrier (there are many beautiful slings etc. but IMHO the Ergo is the most functional when having other children about).

[Thriftylady]

I agree with the others. You could try getting mom to go full time and see if that helps. But it sounds like this child needs a nanny. You can't replicate what mom is doing in group care.

[Blackcat31]

The youngest member of the daycare is 7 months old and he's been coming 2 times a week since he was 2 weeks old. He cries 75% of his awake time crying. I've tried rock n plays, pnp, exersaucer, many many toys, play mats, boppy, swings, bumbo and so much more. It doesn't help he still cries. I've never had a child that was this unhappy so much. I hold him as much as I possibly can but I have other kids that need me too. A few weeks ago I finally caved and purchased a babywearing carrier so the other kids weren't as miserable. It didn't work which I'm thankful for a little since I already have a bad back.

I've talked to mom and he's not like this at home. She babywears when she can't hold him and holds him when she's not doing anything.

Any tips please!!! I really don't want to term since my son is best friends with her oldest and we are connected a lot through school. She's one of those parents that every tiny tiny thing goes on FB and every rant is... Explosive. I'm worried she could trash my reputation if I'm not super careful.

Probably not what you want to hear but your answers in in your own post.

Mom holds him WHENEVER she can.

You can't.

He is not happy about that.

You don't want to term.

Unless something changes..... it's going to stay the same or get worse.


Your options are limited...

Mom needs to stop setting him up for failure at your house. (ie stop holding him 24/7) and start working WITH you for the best interest of her child

OR

You need to keep doing what you are doing and keep cashing her checks.


I refuse to be held financially hostage by a daycare parent.

For me, the money is not worth it. YOU Have to decide what is and isn't worth it for you or nothing will change on anyone's end.

[Unregistered]

Thank you everyone. Luckily I in no way need the money. It's only $40. She doesn't need FT care but did bring up last week that her mom won't be able to watch him much longer on the weekends and might need someone then. But I will not be doing 6:00am to 10:30pm Saturday & Sunday ever. Gma holds him also, at least mom says she does.

I will talk to her at pick up and nicely explain for him to thrive here she needs to help him get used to not being held. Or something along those lines.

[MunchkinWrangler]

The babywearing at home is the problem. Until Mom changes her ways at home it will be many months until this changes.

[Ariana]

The babywearing is a big problem for sure but honestly some kids just never adjust to part time daycare. I had a few kids that never really adjusted unless they were much older and I specialize in part time care. I Personally don't think that mom putting him down will make too much of a difference for this kid.

[Unregistered]

This has to be incredibly stressful for you! How do you do it? Oh my goodness, I'd crack. This is tough. I'd have to term.

[Dilley Beans]

Baby wearing isn't necessarily the problem. I have had kids who were worn all the time at home and did ok after a week or 2 without me doing it much or at all. That said., every child is different. It sounds like you and the other children are miserable because if baby isn't happy, nobody is happy. Not sure this child is a good fit for your program as he's still not adjusted. More days or no days would be the way I would go. I stopped offering less than 3 days per week after just 1 year because it is clear it isn't enough time for littles to settle into my program and routine.

[adnilwis]

The youngest member of the daycare is 7 months old and he's been coming 2 times a week since he was 2 weeks old. He cries 75% of his awake time crying. I've tried rock n plays, pnp, exersaucer, many many toys, play mats, boppy, swings, bumbo and so much more. It doesn't help he still cries. I've never had a child that was this unhappy so much. I hold him as much as I possibly can but I have other kids that need me too. A few weeks ago I finally caved and purchased a babywearing carrier so the other kids weren't as miserable. It didn't work which I'm thankful for a little since I already have a bad back.

I've talked to mom and he's not like this at home. She babywears when she can't hold him and holds him when she's not doing anything.

Any tips please!!! I really don't want to term since my son is best friends with her oldest and we are connected a lot through school. She's one of those parents that every tiny tiny thing goes on FB and every rant is... Explosive. I'm worried she could trash my reputation if I'm not super careful.

Wow I have a child like this who is 21 months and I've had him 5 days a week since he was 8 weeks old. He was very happy as an infant. Rarely cried slept great and ate great. Once he hit a year something changed. He now cries/fake cries or whines at least 50% of the time he's here. He won't initiate cuddling with me and if I hold him he's tense and not relaxed. Very rarely smiles or giggles with or at me. Any tiny interruption or poke from another child is the end of the world. Mom has told me he NEVER whines at home. It's so stressful for me and not getting any better.