Need Advice: Fighting Five Year Olds

[kidsandchicks]

I'm looking for some advice on what to do with two five year olds who fight almost non-stop. I've cared for both of these children in my home since they were infants, one full time, one part time.

I'm not planning to term either one since they will both be leaving for school in August, but I would like some insight as to what else I can do to keep the peace on the two days these children are together.

The part-timer is very impatient and completely loses it when they do not get instant anything. And when this child loses it, I'm taking complete meltdown, crying hysterics, "my life is ruined" kind of behavior.

I think FT child has figured out their power over the PT child and, in a passive-aggressive way, instigates the melt downs. The two days a week that these two are together it seems like all I do is coach or discipline both of them.

I'm getting from PT's parents that the behavior is the same at home, at Grandmas, with adults only, other children, etc. this child is just extremely dramatic, sensitive, sarcastic (oh, the sass with this one is strong), and feels like the world is out to get them. all adults in this child's life seem to be on the same page and are trying to change the behavior (another reason I don't want to term).

Friday afternoon Inseperated the two of them after lunch. FT stayed in the playroom and played quietly, PT stayed on the living room watching tv. It was the most peaceful two hours I've had with the two of them in the last 6 mos. I should mention that the behavior of PT has gotten extreme in the last 6-8 mos, they have not always been this explosive. Dramatic, yes, but not this bad.

Anyway, sorry this is so long but I just wanted to give enough details to make sense. Any advice is appreciated.

[Unregistered]

I would separate the full time and make them play alone when they're starting problems. While the part timer's response isn't good, he's responding. He might need therapy. It sounds like he has a emotional problem. I notice children like the full time child are usually sneaky. Watch him when the other boy isn't there. I'm sure he's very manipulative. Due to the time, I wouldn't address this with the family of the full time boy. I think he probably learned it from home.

[Controlled Chaos]

I have had luck my with 5yo instigator by making him my assistant. I tell him "I am lucky to have such a big kid helper here! Bobby has a hard time here since he only gets to come 2x a week, I think if you can help Bobby have a good day you could earn a treat. How do you think you could help him have a good day?" We talk a lot about kindness and what kindness looks like. My 5yo dcb set the table, helps show little ones where toys go, hands out water cups, holds gates and doors.

[Hunni Bee]

I have two that are best friends but can't stand each other . They argue about the most ridiculous things: "He said he likes dogs but I don't like dogs!!" :confused:

I just separate. There are eighteen other kids to play with.

I let them initiate play together, but if even a hint of arguing starts they are sent to play with other people, no questions asked.