Stubborn and Naughty!

[Leigh]

I've got a 2yo DCG who has started throwing food when she's done eating. I make her pick it up. Now, she no longer wants to pick it up and will scream and yell at me and throw the food from the floor at me. Lord help me, I don't know what to do with this one! She dumps toys and refuses to help pick up. I KNOW it's not too much to expect from her because she's been picking up after herself for a long time-it's just her asserting her independence and letting me know that I am not going to tell her what to do.

Anyone have any advice on keeping things peaceful between us when it's time to pick up? I'm not going to let it go-when she throws food, she will pick it back up, even if it takes an hour (and it has). I just don't have time to supervise only her for that long and I definitely don't have the desire to! I've tried smaller portions, but then she gets 2nds and throws them. She's very smart, and used to be SUPER compliant, but now, she's 2 going on 13!

[Blackcat31]

I've got a 2yo DCG who has started throwing food when she's done eating. I make her pick it up. Now, she no longer wants to pick it up and will scream and yell at me and throw the food from the floor at me. Lord help me, I don't know what to do with this one! She dumps toys and refuses to help pick up. I KNOW it's not too much to expect from her because she's been picking up after herself for a long time-it's just her asserting her independence and letting me know that I am not going to tell her what to do.

Anyone have any advice on keeping things peaceful between us when it's time to pick up? I'm not going to let it go-when she throws food, she will pick it back up, even if it takes an hour (and it has). I just don't have time to supervise only her for that long and I definitely don't have the desire to! I've tried smaller portions, but then she gets 2nds and throws them. She's very smart, and used to be SUPER compliant, but now, she's 2 going on 13!

Is she verbal?

I'd honestly go back to the basics.

One piece of food at a time.
If you throw it, you are done.

More than one piece at a time is a privilege not a right.
The availability of additional food is still there. Just not all on one plate at the same time.

As she manages one piece, add more. rinse and repeat.

I'd rather spend my time doling out food in pieces than having a power struggle with a strong willed 2 yr old.....kwim? (....and like you, I wouldn't let it go either. )

[Thriftylady]

The food thing, here as soon as she threw it she would go to nap. If you are so tired you have to throw your food, you need to go to bed.

[Indoorvoice]

Is she verbal?

I'd honestly go back to the basics.

One piece of food at a time.
If you throw it, you are done.

More than one piece at a time is a privilege not a right.
The availability of additional food is still there. Just not all on one plate at the same time.

As she manages one piece, add more. rinse and repeat.

I'd rather spend my time doling out food in pieces than having a power struggle with a strong willed 2 yr old.....kwim? (....and like you, I wouldn't let it go either. )

I've had this child and I completely agree with bc. This is a power struggle that she's winning. Take away the struggle and it will be pointless for her. Good luck :hug:

[grandmom]

Don't want to pick up toys? Fine. When you are finished picking up, your lunch will be ready.

I'd do as others said, one piece of food at a time. Or maybe spoon feed her? Want snack? Oh first you have to pick up the lunch you threw on the floor.

Make it uncomfortable.

[midaycare]

I've had this child and I completely agree with bc. This is a power struggle that she's winning. Take away the struggle and it will be pointless for her. Good luck :hug:

Yes, I completely agree.

[midaycare]

Don't want to pick up toys? Fine. When you are finished picking up, your lunch will be ready.

I'd do as others said, one piece of food at a time. Or maybe spoon feed her? Want snack? Oh first you have to pick up the lunch you threw on the floor.

Make it uncomfortable.

I've done variations of this before. If you throw food at my home, you are done, since you must not be hungry. If it's an ongoing thing, you eat one piece at a time.

If things aren't picked up (toys), you don't eat. I've never not given food, and I have some strong willed dcks.

[Leigh]

Is she verbal?

I'd honestly go back to the basics.

One piece of food at a time.
If you throw it, you are done.

More than one piece at a time is a privilege not a right.
The availability of additional food is still there. Just not all on one plate at the same time.

As she manages one piece, add more. rinse and repeat.

I'd rather spend my time doling out food in pieces than having a power struggle with a strong willed 2 yr old.....kwim? (....and like you, I wouldn't let it go either. )

Good idea. I'm starting tomorrow. BTW, to answer your question-she's VERY verbal and speaks in complete sentences. The attitude came when she started talking-I think she realized that words get her what she wants and took things a little too far with that realization!

Don't want to pick up toys? Fine. When you are finished picking up, your lunch will be ready.

I'd do as others said, one piece of food at a time. Or maybe spoon feed her? Want snack? Oh first you have to pick up the lunch you threw on the floor.

Make it uncomfortable.

I never thought of that-she's VERY motivated by food-I've never seen a kid eat as much as she does!

I've done variations of this before. If you throw food at my home, you are done, since you must not be hungry. If it's an ongoing thing, you eat one piece at a time.

If things aren't picked up (toys), you don't eat. I've never not given food, and I have some strong willed dcks.

I do remove her plate the instant she throws food. I put it straight in the trash, telling her that if she's throwing her food, she must not be hungry anymore. Sometimes that infuriates her, too!

[spedmommy4]

Good idea. I'm starting tomorrow. BTW, to answer your question-she's VERY verbal and speaks in complete sentences. The attitude came when she started talking-I think she realized that words get her what she wants and took things a little too far with that realization!




I never thought of that-she's VERY motivated by food-I've never seen a kid eat as much as she does!



I do remove her plate the instant she throws food. I put it straight in the trash, telling her that if she's throwing her food, she must not be hungry anymore. Sometimes that infuriates her, too!

I agree with BC's advice.

I would also make sure you tell her what the consequence is going to be BEFORE she engages in the behavior.
"Dcg- you throw food, I will know that means you're all done with lunch."
After she does it, with NO emotion, "oh, it looks like you are telling me you're all done"
When it's a power struggle, you want to make it clear that she is making the choices with her behavior.

Regarding toys: My toy dumpers don't get to move on to the next fun activity until they clean up. Just tell her, "yes, you can (fill in the blank). You can do it after you pick up those toys." . Kids get motivated to clean very quickly when they can't join the other kids for a paint activity or outdoor time, etc.

[Blackcat31]

I agree with BC's advice.

I would also make sure you tell her what the consequence is going to be BEFORE she engages in the behavior.
"Dcg- you throw food, I will know that means you're all done with lunch."
After she does it, with NO emotion, "oh, it looks like you are telling me you're all done"
When it's a power struggle, you want to make it clear that she is making the choices with her behavior.

Regarding toys: My toy dumpers don't get to move on to the next fun activity until they clean up. Just tell her, "yes, you can (fill in the blank). You can do it after you pick up those toys." . Kids get motivated to clean very quickly when they can't join the other kids for a paint activity or outdoor time, etc.

Leigh.... let us know how it went today.

Sometimes these little ones are too smart for their own good.

[Leigh]

Leigh.... let us know how it went today.

Sometimes these little ones are too smart for their own good.

Today was GOOD! I pray that it continues. I talked with her mom today, too, about working to try to prepare her for what's coming up next and practicing with her on how to deal with anger and disappointment. We do that at daycare-stuff like, what if XXX hits you? What do you do? Get a grown up! What if.... It has helped in the past, I'm going to push it harder now to work on this stuff every day.