Parents Not at Work - VENT

[Mad_Pistachio]

In some ways I agree but really unregistered posters have valuable input and content to offer so as a moderator I would never disregard a post (even when it's a repeat topic) just because the poster doesn't have an attached user name.

oh, I totally understand that. it's not like they come in and cuss everyone around, and you let the post through. it's not your fault that they are having a Groundhog Day, repeating the same thing weekly

If you ever want to take a trip down memory lane or track growth, go back and re-read threads and posts that are old or are in the archives and you can clearly see members change and grow as their experiences, perspectives and backbones develop.

no, thank you I've got yet another paper to write

[Unregistered]

but I study online, hence, I stay home all day. according to the "if you're home, keep your kid home" logic, I should not send her to daycare. cause I'm home. all. day. every. day. I mean, anyone can write a few 3-5 page papers in APA format with a 3-year-old tugging at them, right? easy peasy, no? don't even need to get out of your PJ's for that (which is what I'm wearing right now).

I'm a privileged kid: my Mom pays for college (tuition + books), and she bought me this computer I can use for it. if it wasn't for her, I would never go back to school. ever.
yes, hi, my name is M_P, I'm 35 years old, and my mommy still pays for my school. truth of life, what can I do...

This is so different than what everyone else is talking about though...I have dcp who work from home. It is the same thing...I know theyre not home all day doing nothing. You're doing school. IMO its the same thing. What is frustrating is the parents who work full time and see their children an hour before bedtime and 30 minutes in the am before daycare. Why are you bringing them here if you are off? Why not spend time with them? I had a mom ask me if I was open on presidents day, I told her I would keep her baby if she had to work but otherwise I was closed because no other families needed care. Turned out she wasn't working just wanted to nap. Sorry, can't help you. I have my own children to spend time with.
On the other hand, I did send my child to preschool when he was 3 and I was not working. He desperately needed a structured environment and socialization. At the time, I did not know how to provide that so I paid someone to do it.

[kitykids3]

It used to bother me a lot. Nowadays it doesn't. If it is the only child here then yes it would, especially since the parents know I am sick and need any time I can get to rest extra. If I have other kids here, I don't care cuz I have to be up and working anyways. Plus if it's toddlers thru preschool then it usually is better because they play with each other. Also, I know that sometimes these kids are getting more experiences and better care while here rather than just being plopped in front of the tv at home. Not trying to be braggy, but just the truth. It's healthier if they are here doing things like dancing, learning, sensory, and on and on.

[Unregistered]

Wow! I haven't been on all day and just came to check the board and saw thus had so many replies! I would like to assure everyone I'm certainly not "trolling" or trying to start "mommy wars". I was also not directing this at anyone in particular so the defensiveness of mad pistachio is unnecessary. I just read posts on here because I am new and tryibg to figure out my way. I'm sure this is something that has been brought up several times, but I just went through it this week and thought I would vent about it...isn't that part of what this board is for??? Thank you to everyone that gave advice, definitely made me feel better, even just typing it out for people to hear me made me feel better! For those of you that ARE trying to start a problem about it I'll just leave it at, although i don't know you, I'll just be happy I had to deal with this problem with this parent, and not have to deal with you every day

[Thriftylady]

Wow! I haven't been on all day and just came to check the board and saw thus had so many replies! I would like to assure everyone I'm certainly not "trolling" or trying to start "mommy wars". I was also not directing this at anyone in particular so the defensiveness of mad pistachio is unnecessary. I just read posts on here because I am new and tryibg to figure out my way. I'm sure this is something that has been brought up several times, but I just went through it this week and thought I would vent about it...isn't that part of what this board is for??? Thank you to everyone that gave advice, definitely made me feel better, even just typing it out for people to hear me made me feel better! For those of you that ARE trying to start a problem about it I'll just leave it at, although i don't know you, I'll just be happy I had to deal with this problem with this parent, and not have to deal with you every day

I didn't see anyone in this thread trying to start any problems.:confused: And I am not sure that Mad Pistachio was being defensive. She was using smilies. Only she can answer that though. I think she was probably posting from experience of things people may have said to her. It is up to all of us as providers to figure out what we are okay with, and make our policies to reflect that. I guess I will ignore your comments since you haven't registered to stand behind them.

[Unregistered]

What I am noticing here is that no one seems to recognize (or at least comment on) the different needs that all families have. As Mad Pistachio says, she is doing school work so she uses childcare. Other families who are not working from home or taking online classes or doing some other specific work that is in considered 'acceptable' are considered bad parents, taking advantage, ignoring their children's needs, something worthy of venting about. Why is that? Why do you, as a provider and a parent, get to decide what is or is not an acceptable use of childcare? Should that mother who needed a nap have to explain she has clinical depression, just had a miscarriage and her brother was in a car accident at 2 a.m. and the hospital called and so on and so forth? Why? Why should a parent have to explain and let you, the provider, decide if she is properly excused from parenting today and will be given permission to use your services? And perhaps you're thinking, 'well, it's every day, and I know there is no good reason', then you are wrong. Whatever their reason for using care, it's good. If I want to buy a hamburger, don't expect me to ask permission, just sell me the g.d. burger!

[SnowGirl]

I am zen about it...like some others, I just don't let my mind wander to what the parents may be doing with their "freedom"...and do my end of the bargain as long as they do theirs.

When I had severe morning sickness last Fall, AND a cold (with minor symptoms...but still bad enough that it added to my misery), and a family dropped their son off so they could go home and nap (seriously, they told me that they were doing that)...I felt annoyed because they KNEW what I was going through. But, that doesn't change that they were paying me and I was choosing to stay open. So...eh.

That's the last time I let myself get annoyed about it. Takes too much mental energy anyway!

[Blackcat31]

What I am noticing here is that no one seems to recognize (or at least comment on) the different needs that all families have. As Mad Pistachio says, she is doing school work so she uses childcare. Other families who are not working from home or taking online classes or doing some other specific work that is in considered 'acceptable' are considered bad parents, taking advantage, ignoring their children's needs, something worthy of venting about. Why is that? Why do you, as a provider and a parent, get to decide what is or is not an acceptable use of childcare? Should that mother who needed a nap have to explain she has clinical depression, just had a miscarriage and her brother was in a car accident at 2 a.m. and the hospital called and so on and so forth? Why? Why should a parent have to explain and let you, the provider, decide if she is properly excused from parenting today and will be given permission to use your services? And perhaps you're thinking, 'well, it's every day, and I know there is no good reason', then you are wrong. Whatever their reason for using care, it's good. If I want to buy a hamburger, don't expect me to ask permission, just sell me the g.d. burger!

I sell a service. Why parent use the service I sell makes NO difference to me. Their dollar spends just as easily as the parent using my services for work hours only.

Does it bother me if I think parents should do X but they do Y. Yeah, I'm sure it does but everyone's journey is different so what I "think" is irrelevant. Just pay on time, be respectful and follow the agreement you signed and it's all good.

[NightOwl]

I didn't see anyone in this thread trying to start any problems.:confused: And I am not sure that Mad Pistachio was being defensive. She was using smilies. Only she can answer that though. I think she was probably posting from experience of things people may have said to her. It is up to all of us as providers to figure out what we are okay with, and make our policies to reflect that. I guess I will ignore your comments since you haven't registered to stand behind them.

::

[childcaremom]

It bothered me at one point in time.

Now I don't care. If I am open, I expect all my dcks here. As long as I can reach the dcps and the dcks are picked up on time, we're good.

That mindshift has helped enormously in my job satisfaction.

[Unregistered]

Sorry So Long

OK this is just my opinion but I can see why some people would feel as though there was a defensive attitude going on. If that stemmed from previous posts and mad pistachio feeling ridiculed in the past I am sorry for her BUT this should be a lesson for everyone. We need to go into every new post with a clear slate. If not, we will all have a chip on our shoulder and how will new people feel welcome? I have a friend (not me I swear) who did start out on this forum "trolling" but then she became a dcp who uses the forum as a huge resource. I am not saying we should be waving flags and welcoming all the unregistered users but come on, lets be polite and informative. I have noticed some people on this forum are a bit arrogant, and it is irritating. On THIS post no one was judging you at all for being in school and sending your child to daycare. If you feel the need to make comments like "I'm a bad mom because I do such and such" you are just inviting a negative attitude. Give out what you would like to receive in return and you will be surprised at the response you get. As I said, I just think every new topic or post should be addressed as a new conversation. Many of the members may not have seen a post that an individual was judged, so starting new will really be beneficial. I also don't even see the need for certain comments in these posts to be made. The OP asked a question, answer it or don't, but my gosh don't be petty. Don't make irrelevant remarks. It makes you worse than the "trolls".
As for topics being brought up over and over, it is obviously because the issues are a big deal to some providers. If you don't like it then skip over the post. You can clearly see what the topic is, why even click if you're going to point out its old news? Don't get me wrong, when someone chimes in (like BC) and gives a list of previous threads I think its very helpful. But to offer nothing or be so condescending about a topic that is obviously really bothering someone is so rude. Just move along to the next post! It also really kind of ****s when you find a post that you comment on and someone responds with, you are resurrecting a 5 year old thread. SO what to do? Comment on old threads or start a new one? Some where though, these individuals feel the need to be heard or need advice. So if you can't help just exit and let someone else do it.
And about the comment about every family going through something different, yes you are right. We don't know what goes on in their every day life and they are not obligated to share with providers. In that specific scenario I brought up about the mom wanting me to be open on a day off, she asked me two weeks in advance when she happened to know I was already going to be closed. I think she was trying to guilt me into staying open for her. If she had a family situation going on or was depressed or whatever then I guess she needs to find some support...or a nanny. I offer what I offer and am upfront about it. It is not my responsibility to be here whenever they feel like they need me. I let my clients know this up front though, I have been taken advantage of too many times to count. Although I'll always try to see the good on people, I will not longer bend over backwards for my clients.
RANT OVER!

[Unregistered]

OK this is just my opinion but I can see why some people would feel as though there was a defensive attitude going on. If that stemmed from previous posts and mad pistachio feeling ridiculed in the past I am sorry for her BUT this should be a lesson for everyone. We need to go into every new post with a clear slate. If not, we will all have a chip on our shoulder and how will new people feel welcome? I have a friend (not me I swear) who did start out on this forum "trolling" but then she became a dcp who uses the forum as a huge resource. I am not saying we should be waving flags and welcoming all the unregistered users but come on, lets be polite and informative. I have noticed some people on this forum are a bit arrogant, and it is irritating. On THIS post no one was judging you at all for being in school and sending your child to daycare. If you feel the need to make comments like "I'm a bad mom because I do such and such" you are just inviting a negative attitude. Give out what you would like to receive in return and you will be surprised at the response you get. As I said, I just think every new topic or post should be addressed as a new conversation. Many of the members may not have seen a post that an individual was judged, so starting new will really be beneficial. I also don't even see the need for certain comments in these posts to be made. The OP asked a question, answer it or don't, but my gosh don't be petty. Don't make irrelevant remarks. It makes you worse than the "trolls".
As for topics being brought up over and over, it is obviously because the issues are a big deal to some providers. If you don't like it then skip over the post. You can clearly see what the topic is, why even click if you're going to point out its old news? Don't get me wrong, when someone chimes in (like BC) and gives a list of previous threads I think its very helpful. But to offer nothing or be so condescending about a topic that is obviously really bothering someone is so rude. Just move along to the next post! It also really kind of ****s when you find a post that you comment on and someone responds with, you are resurrecting a 5 year old thread. SO what to do? Comment on old threads or start a new one? Some where though, these individuals feel the need to be heard or need advice. So if you can't help just exit and let someone else do it.
And about the comment about every family going through something different, yes you are right. We don't know what goes on in their every day life and they are not obligated to share with providers. In that specific scenario I brought up about the mom wanting me to be open on a day off, she asked me two weeks in advance when she happened to know I was already going to be closed. I think she was trying to guilt me into staying open for her. If she had a family situation going on or was depressed or whatever then I guess she needs to find some support...or a nanny. I offer what I offer and am upfront about it. It is not my responsibility to be here whenever they feel like they need me. I let my clients know this up front though, I have been taken advantage of too many times to count. Although I'll always try to see the good on people, I will not longer bend over backwards for my clients.
RANT OVER!

Thank you! You said that so well!

Also, I would like to register and post under my own username because I do read these posts and find out a lot of useful information! Maybe I'm crazy, but it just makes me paranoid a parent would be on here and read something I may write "venting" and somehow find out it is me I kind of like the anonymity

[Blackcat31]

Thank you! You said that so well!

Also, I would like to register and post under my own username because I do read these posts and find out a lot of useful information! Maybe I'm crazy, but it just makes me paranoid a parent would be on here and read something I may write "venting" and somehow find out it is me I kind of like the anonymity

We have an "Off-Topic-members only" area that is only accessible if you are a member if that helps.

Also a parent can register just as easily as anyone else but its easy to vent without giving too many identifying details so parents wont automatically recognize you.

Personally, I just dont put anything in print I wont own.
No matter how secure I think something is.

If I want true privacy, I keep it between myself and the other party or I keep it to myself.

[Thriftylady]

What I am noticing here is that no one seems to recognize (or at least comment on) the different needs that all families have. As Mad Pistachio says, she is doing school work so she uses childcare. Other families who are not working from home or taking online classes or doing some other specific work that is in considered 'acceptable' are considered bad parents, taking advantage, ignoring their children's needs, something worthy of venting about. Why is that? Why do you, as a provider and a parent, get to decide what is or is not an acceptable use of childcare? Should that mother who needed a nap have to explain she has clinical depression, just had a miscarriage and her brother was in a car accident at 2 a.m. and the hospital called and so on and so forth? Why? Why should a parent have to explain and let you, the provider, decide if she is properly excused from parenting today and will be given permission to use your services? And perhaps you're thinking, 'well, it's every day, and I know there is no good reason', then you are wrong. Whatever their reason for using care, it's good. If I want to buy a hamburger, don't expect me to ask permission, just sell me the g.d. burger!

Since I am in the "I don't care" camp. I will say that I do prefer people be honest with me. If mom isn't going to work, I am fine with her saying "I just need a break". I get that I had young kids once also, and I never took breaks and I should have! I have since learned that my kids didn't need to be smothered by me, just mothered by me. This is why when my mom who is a nurse texted last night and said "I am stuck here until midnight and have to be on shift at 6AM, can the kids stay with you tonight?". I said sure. I had them at 7 AM in the morning and sent them to school and they left my house for school again today and came back as normal until mom came back. The key is, this mom doesn't abuse this. If she did it every week, or twice a week, or abused it in some other way, I would likely feel very differently. But she is hones and respectful and that makes me bend over backwards for people.

[MunchkinWrangler]

I'm not trying to be snarky

I am new to the forum but I have always searched out the topic I'm looking for advice on and if I feel the other threads aren't really answering my certain situation, then I post for advice. Not to be rude or callous but there is a venting thread. This topic always seems to get everyone rattled too. Just reading the abundance of advice on this particular subject has taught me to just cool it and do my job, take some days off, and don't waste precious energy on it.
I worked for a laid off mother all summer last year. She needed my care and she always paid me on time and in full. At first, yes, I was resentful. It was summer, I have my own son, but I also signed on this family, made a commitment and this was my job now. Yes, sometimes it still bothers me to know that dad gets home early and mom picks up at closing time most days but I have never had any problems with this family. They have always respected me and my policies. They have never paid late, gotten behind on payments or have had any other issues. This alone has made me understand that they are being good clients and theydeserve my best with the service I offer to them. They are more than respectful and wish me well when I have days off or things planned.
Ramble, ramble, ramble. If little things bother you what happens when the big things happen?