nap progress, but screaming?

[mamamanda]

So I feel like we've come a long way from when I posted a week ago. Dcg 2 is now laying down consistently at the same nap time each day. She still cries when I lay her down, but I am consistent and firm, but kind. We do our routine and I shut the door. She is always done crying within a couple minutes and asleep within about 5 minutes.

However, regardless of whether she sleeps 45 min or 1 hr 45min she always wakes up screaming. Not crying or fussing, but screaming until she is gasping for air, face red with hives, snot running everywhere, etc. It's not like she wakes up happy and gets tired of laying there. I mean her initial reaction to waking is to scream hysterically.

She is not napping nearly long enough for rest time most days. And she doesn't play well quietly so getting her up doesn't work well. Rest time is outlined as 2 hrs in my contract and my younger ds sleeps about that long and older ds does rest time in the living room. I really want to be able to nap her with ds in a "toddler nap room" b/c I'm expecting another baby and want to be able to utilize the other bedroom for the infants since they sleep so much during the day and at odd times, but the screaming wakes him up scared every day and then he wakes up sobbing b/c he's so startled plus some days it cuts his nap time in half.

How do I work with her on not screaming upon wake up? I don't pick her up out of bed until she stops screaming ever. I remind her that we wake up gently and if she wants to get up she has to stop screaming and show me that she's ready to play. I've tried both going to her immediately to calm her and leaving her to work it out on her own, but either way she screams the entire remainder of rest time unless I get her out to play. If she knows its time to get up she will stop screaming to get up, but she won't stop screaming until then. If I'm in her line of sight it is even worse as I know she is putting on a show for me, but even if I leave the room and watch her on the monitor it continues. I'm so confused. I want to be consistent, but at this point I don't have a clue what is best for her and if I let her lay there for the remainder of nap time, how do I handle it when she starts acting like she can't catch her breath?

[MunchkinWrangler]

This one is hard because I believe she is old enough not to do this. She must do this at home, either she is left so long that she has found that's the only way out is to scream like there is something terribly wrong or her parents run to her whenever she makes a peep.

Have you talked to the parents about this? This is really extreme especially because it is disturbing the others and having a new baby coming, that is going to terrify the little one. Congrats on the progress you have made so far!

[mamamanda]

This one is hard because I believe she is old enough not to do this. She must do this at home, either she is left so long that she has found that's the only way out is to scream like there is something terribly wrong or her parents run to her whenever she makes a peep.

Have you talked to the parents about this? This is really extreme especially because it is disturbing the others and having a new baby coming, that is going to terrify the little one. Congrats on the progress you have made so far!

I haven't mentioned the screaming to them, but we've talked about so many issues lately. haha Mom does tell me that they co-sleep and she struggles to sleep without them. They only nap her at home if they run errands and she falls asleep in the car. I don't believe she's left to cry much if any at all. I've never seen something this extreme before though. I truly don't know what else to do. She screams a lot though outside of nap time as well. Anytime she's not being given what she wants she lays in the floor and screams. I feel like its gotten a lot better for me in the last couple weeks since following advice from here on the forum, but she leaves my house screaming more often that not with her parents. She doesn't want to put her shoes on, or her coat, or she doesn't want to leave the toys, or they're going to grandma's & she doesn't want to, or they're not going to grandma's and she does want to, etc. etc. I just don't understand it. I want desperately to have a way to fix it here. They can handle it how they want at home, but its disrupting ds' nap often and it scares the infant I have into a hard cry. I just hate that I don't have a good solution.

[Ariana]

Do you use white noise? My only other suggestion would be to go in and give her a choice of teddy bears to hug. No screaming or you will need to take the teddy bear away.

Honestly it sounds like she is really out of control and unles a LOT changes at home this isn't going to get better for you. I had to term a child like this. She was screaming all day long and also would wake up screaming, wouldn't sleep for more than 1/2 an hour. She basically had a really insecure attachement with her parents. They also coslept etc but you can still do all of that and still not be meeting your childs needs. I find parents who are the most "granola" have children who tantrum more, are very agressive and angry.

[mamamanda]

Do you use white noise? My only other suggestion would be to go in and give her a choice of teddy bears to hug. No screaming or you will need to take the teddy bear away.

Honestly it sounds like she is really out of control and unles a LOT changes at home this isn't going to get better for you. I had to term a child like this. She was screaming all day long and also would wake up screaming, wouldn't sleep for more than 1/2 an hour. She basically had a really insecure attachement with her parents. They also coslept etc but you can still do all of that and still not be meeting your childs needs. I find parents who are the most "granola" have children who tantrum more, are very agressive and angry.

I do use white noise in each of the rooms, but the bedroom she sleeps in shares an adjoining wall with ds' room and I'm not exaggerating...the screaming is insanely loud. She can be heard on the extreme opposite side of the house with the door shut. She is extremely attention seeking and I'm sure this is just another attempt at that, but it's become so frustrating. I do like the idea of offering a special stuffed animal if she doesn't scream. She is obsessed with dolls and stuffed animals right now. Thanks for the idea.

[childcaremom]

That seems to be right in the middle of a sleep cycle. Is it consistent at that time? 45 mins - 1 hour into her sleep? Almost like she can't resettle on her own because she doesn't know how.

I have 2 that do this in my group right now. I had 1 that did it and is no longer here (termed her after 4 months because I did not see any improvement - tried everything and then some).

What I have found to work best for my dcgs is just to leave them. Me going in got them more worked up. So now, I will do a quick visual (make sure everything is ok), do a quick 'sniff' to make sure they don't need a change, if they see me (which they always seem to sense me there, ) I give them a smile with a finger to my lip (shhhh) and walk away. I am on the end of my first week of doing nothing with my newbie dcg and by Thursday she would still wake up, cried/screamed very briefly, and actually resettled. So she can do it. And, she is much happier during the day here. Joining in our activities and such.

The other idea I am having is that your little one may be having nightmares. I like Ariana's idea of the stuffed animal but maybe get her to pick one out before rest time, so she can snuggle with it, and then when/if she wakes up, just go in quietly and re-snuggle her with the stuffie.

[childcaremom]

Honestly it sounds like she is really out of control and unles a LOT changes at home this isn't going to get better for you. I had to term a child like this. She was screaming all day long and also would wake up screaming, wouldn't sleep for more than 1/2 an hour.

The one I termed was like this. Very demanding throughout the day (she improved in this area with a LOT of consistency on my part) but naps were awful. Scream going in. Sleep for 30 mins - 1 hour. Scream for the rest of rest period.

Dcm had no schedule at home. Dcg played until she fell asleep and then dcm would put her into bed. Dcm understood that I can't do it here and towards the end of dcg's time here, started to work on sleep training but I wasn't seeing enough (read any) improvement so I ended up letting her go.



Honestly, I will work with a child if dcps are on board with changes. This is now my last resort. If nothing I am doing works, then I appeal to the dcps. I always frame it in their child's best interest (you're child would be better able to enjoy their day, your child will have an easier time with transitions, etc) I also add a time limit to see improvements. If not, then I am done. Especially if it affects the rest of the group and/or my own family.