Playing for 2 Minutes, Then Switching Toys

[kitkat]

My 2 dcks are both 3, about 6 weeks apart. They always try to play together, but when they do, it will last 2-5 minutes. Then one will say they are done and the other one follows suit. If I separate them and have them play on their own with a few toys in a designated spot, they will play for at least a half hour! I feel mean when I make them play on their own, but it drives me nuts to watch them basically pick up a toy, handle it for a few minutes, then put it back. I only have about 8-9 things for them to pick from, so I don't think it's too many choices. Plus, they do actually PLAY when they have to play themselves.

I don't know what to do anymore. Do I separate them for a bit each day? Should I just let it be since they aren't bothered by it and it just bothers me? Suggestions please!

[daycare]

My 2 dcks are both 3, about 6 weeks apart. They always try to play together, but when they do, it will last 2-5 minutes. Then one will say they are done and the other one follows suit. If I separate them and have them play on their own with a few toys in a designated spot, they will play for at least a half hour! I feel mean when I make them play on their own, but it drives me nuts to watch them basically pick up a toy, handle it for a few minutes, then put it back. I only have about 8-9 things for them to pick from, so I don't think it's too many choices. Plus, they do actually PLAY when they have to play themselves.

I don't know what to do anymore. Do I separate them for a bit each day? Should I just let it be since they aren't bothered by it and it just bothers me? Suggestions please!

I used to have two 4 year old girls that were like that and it bothered me at first. But then I thought about it and decided that as long as they are following our toy rules of clean up before you move on or sharing it off to another child, being nice and not causing any issues, I just let them be.

I do have a time where each child has a designated mat and they will have individual play time. we do this 2 days a week for about 30-40 min at a time.

[Blackcat31]

My 2 dcks are both 3, about 6 weeks apart. They always try to play together, but when they do, it will last 2-5 minutes. Then one will say they are done and the other one follows suit. If I separate them and have them play on their own with a few toys in a designated spot, they will play for at least a half hour! I feel mean when I make them play on their own, but it drives me nuts to watch them basically pick up a toy, handle it for a few minutes, then put it back. I only have about 8-9 things for them to pick from, so I don't think it's too many choices. Plus, they do actually PLAY when they have to play themselves.

I don't know what to do anymore. Do I separate them for a bit each day? Should I just let it be since they aren't bothered by it and it just bothers me? Suggestions please!

This is what I would do.

Get out an activity. Let them play together.

When one says they are done, say "okay". Acknowledge but dont do anything other than that.

When the second child says they are done as well, do the same. Acknowledge but don't do anything. Don't provide another activity or make suggestions.

Let them be. See if they go back to playing together (since sitting together with nothing to do is pretty boring).

If they ask for something else to do, tell them it's not time to move onto the next activity yet and that their only choice is to sit and wait or to continue playing with the activity they were already playing with (even if that means getting it all back out if they picked it up already).

Rinse and repeat.

Within a week of doing this, they will more than likely begin happily playing together. If you are providing other options when they do decide to be done playing together, it's reinforcing the behavior.

[Ariana]

You could also introduce some play ideas and help them with their social play skills. Kids at this age tend to do well with older kids who lead play so that could be you to a certain extent. Start playing with them, come up with an idea and then let them be. If they are great independent players they might just be having a hard time getting involved in play together. The back and forth of it, who comes up with the idea? etc. You can model that for them.

[kitkat]

This is what I would do.

Get out an activity. Let them play together.

When one says they are done, say "okay". Acknowledge but dont do anything other than that.

When the second child says they are done as well, do the same. Acknowledge but don't do anything. Don't provide another activity or make suggestions.

Let them be. See if they go back to playing together (since sitting together with nothing to do is pretty boring).

If they ask for something else to do, tell them it's not time to move onto the next activity yet and that their only choice is to sit and wait or to continue playing with the activity they were already playing with (even if that means getting it all back out if they picked it up already).

Rinse and repeat.

Within a week of doing this, they will more than likely begin happily playing together. If you are providing other options when they do decide to be done playing together, it's reinforcing the behavior.

When one says they are done and the other follows, I just say ok. The toys are on a low shelf, so they just get another one out to handle, then put away. So should I remove the other toys from the shelf and they get stuck with what I choose for them?

These two are happy and content to follow each other around all day. It just bugs ME to see them not really engage in play. What they are doing now doesn't bother them one bit.

[Laurel]

When one says they are done and the other follows, I just say ok. The toys are on a low shelf, so they just get another one out to handle, then put away. So should I remove the other toys from the shelf and they get stuck with what I choose for them?

These two are happy and content to follow each other around all day. It just bugs ME to see them not really engage in play. What they are doing now doesn't bother them one bit.

I would say let them go if the only reason is because it bugs you.

One thing I had trouble with is, for example, getting out play dough and have everyone sit at the table to do it. They were wanting to just do it a little while and then get up and leave but we had a lot of stuff out to clean up so I wanted them to do it longer. What worked is for me to either sit with them (briefly) and give them more ideas or some different tools to use. In other words, they needed help on different things they could do. This extended their play.

Something like block play could be extended in this way. Get out some hot wheel cars to add to them and say "Let's make a parking garage to put the cars in (just 2 blocks for the side walls about 2 high and then a roof across; nothing elaborate). Or "See how you can make a ramp for the cars to go down?" Just don't be involved too long so they can play independently. They may just need ideas.

[Laurel]

P.S. You might want to put out more toys that can be used in more than one way also. Dolls are good too. Add a stroller, one of those disappearing milk bottles (from dollar store), play bowl and spoon for feeding, diapers, tub for really washing the doll (when you're feeling brave, ), etc.

[Blackcat31]

When one says they are done and the other follows, I just say ok. The toys are on a low shelf, so they just get another one out to handle, then put away. So should I remove the other toys from the shelf and they get stuck with what I choose for them?

These two are happy and content to follow each other around all day. It just bugs ME to see them not really engage in play. What they are doing now doesn't bother them one bit.

While I agree with Laurel about letting them go as long as they're not fighting etc and are actually cleaning up stuff and putting it back on their own I still believe that building their attention span is important.
I also think requiring a child to remain with an activity also builds responsibility for their choices so I would do a little of both.
Maybe in the mornings just let them go and change activities at their pace but I would require some activities to a certain length of time.

If you see they have blocks out, let them know that until the bell goes off (get a kitchen timer) they have only two choices; sit or play. No new activities until the bell goes off.

I like that they can play nicely with each other but its important that the changing of toys/activities and following the other blindly doesnt become the focus of their play.
That will eventually create other issues.

So assign specifc toys a time frame and maybe allow other times during the day be a time in which they can change/exchange activities as often as they wish.
During those times you can limit the amount of changes they are allowed as they age too.

Hopefully that makes sense....
(Im on my phone so its makes it harder for me to type)

[kitkat]

Thanks everyone for the ideas! I definitely have some new strategies to try!

[Unregistered]

If it was extreme like this I'd limit them too. I really want to see kids get involved in play! I'd say time isn't up with that activity yet so it's the choice for 15 more minutes.

At three I'd hate to see them going from one thing to another. I'm not a fan of setting up play areas and rotating kids through different areas, telling them where to go next, setting a timer, etc. In your situation it's a bit different.

I'd encourage them to stay with what they had out.