Interesting Dilemma

[mamamanda]

I've never had this issue before:: Dcm is very concerned about dcg's behavior so she asks me how she behaved every day at pick up. If we're being honest, dcg is a handful and a half. She's very defiant and I struggle with her all day most days. She's aggressive, yells at me, has to be my shadow, etc. At the same time, I hate giving mom a bad report every day. She looks at me with this hopeful expression like her eyes are pleading to hear dcg was well behaved. I've tried to just be evasive or immediately point out what dcg did well in hopes of cutting off the inquiry before it starts, but mom always brings it back to, but how did she behave? If I say, "It wasn't perfect, but she definitely did better than yesterday," then mom wants to know what specifically was the problem. I've had to talk to mom several times lately b/c dcg was being aggressive with kids hitting, shoving, leaving bruises, etc. so her concern is genuine, but how do you tell a mom everyday that her kid just does not obey and isn't kind. The weird thing is, this dcg really is a sweetheart, but she flips out several times a day. Like she'll be playing so sweet and kind and then just turn and hit another child. Her response is then, "I want sit time out" and she takes herself to the chair. Or she'll say, "I get 2 minutes," b/c her parents set a timer for her each time she misbehaves. I am so very thankful that mom is trying to work with her and is concerned, but I'm starting to dread pick up time b/c she rarely has a day where there's not a major incident at some point (like hitting or pushing someone down.) I don't want to sugar coat it either in the event I do have to term down the road b/c I don't want mom to be blindsided.

[Thriftylady]

Do you have the time and are you willing to do a small daily report? Maybe record the severe incidents GOOD and BAD? That way it isn't all the negative and having it ready for mom when she gets there will put an end to the conversation. Just let mom know that if it is severe enough, you will have a conference.

[auntymimi]

I've never had this issue before:: Dcm is very concerned about dcg's behavior so she asks me how she behaved every day at pick up. If we're being honest, dcg is a handful and a half. She's very defiant and I struggle with her all day most days. She's aggressive, yells at me, has to be my shadow, etc. At the same time, I hate giving mom a bad report every day. She looks at me with this hopeful expression like her eyes are pleading to hear dcg was well behaved. I've tried to just be evasive or immediately point out what dcg did well in hopes of cutting off the inquiry before it starts, but mom always brings it back to, but how did she behave? If I say, "It wasn't perfect, but she definitely did better than yesterday," then mom wants to know what specifically was the problem. I've had to talk to mom several times lately b/c dcg was being aggressive with kids hitting, shoving, leaving bruises, etc. so her concern is genuine, but how do you tell a mom everyday that her kid just does not obey and isn't kind. The weird thing is, this dcg really is a sweetheart, but she flips out several times a day. Like she'll be playing so sweet and kind and then just turn and hit another child. Her response is then, "I want sit time out" and she takes herself to the chair. Or she'll say, "I get 2 minutes," b/c her parents set a timer for her each time she misbehaves. I am so very thankful that mom is trying to work with her and is concerned, but I'm starting to dread pick up time b/c she rarely has a day where there's not a major incident at some point (like hitting or pushing someone down.) I don't want to sugar coat it either in the event I do have to term down the road b/c I don't want mom to be blindsided.

That's rough. None of my parents ask and I usually won't tell unless it's something major or completely out of character. I feel like all of the kids I have are kids most people would yell
"term" at. I serve a somewhat rough area, though, and most of my parents have so much on their plates that if their kid is alive at the end of the day they're good with that. Sad I know. Case and point: yesterday mom picked up and the first words out of her mouth were "dcb dad is back in jail, so you'll have him (dcb) this weekend if he doesn't get bailed out before for visitation". I didn't have the heart to tell her dcb is throwing fits in his high chair again (he likes to run around and eat at home), it just seemed petty at that point.

[SnowGirl]

If it were me, I would be grateful that mom sees the issue and is eager for solutions. I would ask if she wants to sit down and write down a plan of action. Sometimes (when we're lucky) parents look to us as child experts and want to know what we would do. If you can help her at home with something she'll follow through on, and with an approach you'll use at daycare, you might see results and everyone is happy!

[rosieteddy]

I hated telling parents negative things at the end of the day.This seems like mom might be struggling with childs attitude to. I would ask mom if she would like to work on childs behavior together.If so set up a plan.I often found this kind of behavior was attention getting.Child gets bored with being good needs time out .I would refocus attention for all the children on good.Stickers or extra attention of the right kind.I would explain to all the children that if they need space there is a quiet corner.Throw some soft pillows or large stuffed animals and books in a corner.If any child acts up ,hits pushes ect point to corner and refocus attention on well behaved children. Ask mom to do the same.

[Unregistered]

Not sure if this will help, but my son is 5 and in full day kindergarten at a public school. He's been having some behavior issues, not aggression, but trouble focusing, listening, keeping his hands to himself etc. His teacher and I have been discussing this, and she came up with the idea of filling out a daily sheet to send home with him. It breaks the day into chunks (morning meeting, reading, math, specials, lunch, recess etc.) and he is rated -1 (poor choices), 0 (neutral), 1 (good choices) on each activity. If it's a -1 she'll write a few words describing what happened. It probably doesn't take her more than a minute to fill out each chunk throughout the day, and it's helpful for me to be able to discuss with my son and give consequences at home. Granted my son is older than dcg you mentioned in your post, but maybe something similar would work for you, a brief sheet breaking your day up ( circle time, free play, snack etc.) would help dcm "monitor" dcg's behavior and give a snapshot of how dcg's day was, without you having to discuss daily at pick up, or spend time filling out a detailed daily sheet.

[daycare]

I would tell mom for confidential reasons and so that you are not talking poorly about the child in front of them or their peers, that if the child is having a bad day and it is something that mom needs to know about you will email her or text her, or call her.

If I were a kid and I constantly heard my teacher talking bad about me to my mom and all of my friends could possibly also hear too, I am sure I would have no respect for my teacher. OR I would think that my teacher didn't like me, or that I am just bad and so I have to be bad, my teacher tells my mom I am bad.

I never tell parents bad stuff about a child in their presence.

I would just chalk it up to did you get my email or we had an excellent day, great day or such.

YOu might then open a can of worms of the on-going, never-ending emails, but you can always end that kindly and professionally as well.

[Laurel]

I would tell mom for confidential reasons and so that you are not talking poorly about the child in front of them or their peers, that if the child is having a bad day and it is something that mom needs to know about you will email her or text her, or call her.

If I were a kid and I constantly heard my teacher talking bad about me to my mom and all of my friends could possibly also hear too, I am sure I would have no respect for my teacher. OR I would think that my teacher didn't like me, or that I am just bad and so I have to be bad, my teacher tells my mom I am bad.

I never tell parents bad stuff about a child in their presence.

I would just chalk it up to did you get my email or we had an excellent day, great day or such.

YOu might then open a can of worms of the on-going, never-ending emails, but you can always end that kindly and professionally as well.

I like this because it would bother me too that the child is hearing all this on a daily basis.

[mamamanda]

I would tell mom for confidential reasons and so that you are not talking poorly about the child in front of them or their peers, that if the child is having a bad day and it is something that mom needs to know about you will email her or text her, or call her.

If I were a kid and I constantly heard my teacher talking bad about me to my mom and all of my friends could possibly also hear too, I am sure I would have no respect for my teacher. OR I would think that my teacher didn't like me, or that I am just bad and so I have to be bad, my teacher tells my mom I am bad.

I never tell parents bad stuff about a child in their presence.

I would just chalk it up to did you get my email or we had an excellent day, great day or such.

YOu might then open a can of worms of the on-going, never-ending emails, but you can always end that kindly and professionally as well.

I worry about this too. I already send home a daily report with details each day, but mom still asks for details at pick up. I will just have to be firm that it will be discussed in writing/text.