Do You Ever Say Anything?

[MissAnn]

I've written about this family before.....mom wonders why the boy won't potty train at 3.5 years old.

Mom carries him in. She sets him down and takes his coat off. He reaches up to her and cries with a fake infant cry. She apologizes over and over. She picks him up and carries him crossways like you would do a infant. She puts him on my couch and apologizes again. His fingers are in his mouth the entire time and that infant cry. Mom starts to leave but keeps looking back and apologizing. Mom shuts door. I say......stop it now. He does. He's fine.

I told both parents.....he wants to be a baby. I've never quite said that I notice mom treats him like a baby and that I feel this is a big contributor to his acting like a baby. I'm too chicken to say it......but it drives me crazy!

[Jazzii]

Yup! We have a parent (whose luckily gotten better) with a 2 and a 3 year old. The 2 year plays the same game every morning. I won't direct my comment at mom but I go out to the child and say "I know you know how to put on your coat/take off your shoes/take off slippers etc" then I proceed to tell her that he is playing games and if she leaves him I won't mind.

I reassure them, that their child is playing games and they will be fine

[MissAnn]

Yup! We have a parent (whose luckily gotten better) with a 2 and a 3 year old. The 2 year plays the same game every morning. I won't direct my comment at mom but I go out to the child and say "I know you know how to put on your coat/take off your shoes/take off slippers etc" then I proceed to tell her that he is playing games and if she leaves him I won't mind.

I reassure them, that their child is playing games and they will be fine

I have told the mom that he is putting on a show for her. I just wish she understood that she is enabling him. I wish I was a more direct kind of person and would just say....YOU are causing him to be a baby!

[Leigh]

IMO, OP, you're contributing to this situation, as well. STOP letting it happen in your home AT ALL. The child knows that the rules are different when his mom is present and he's trying to show you that you are not in control of your home when his mom is there. Tell the child to stop the behavior when mom is still there!

As far as potty training, I seriously doubt that the two issues are related. 3.5 is the average age for a boy to train-some sooner, some later.

[Play Care]

IMO, I would never tell a parent how to behave with their child. It's not my place.

BUT, I don't have to entertain it either.

If I couldn't ignore it, it was causing issues in day care, or there was no way to overlook it, I'd probably fill the spot and give notice if possible.

I think the only result of telling parents things like that is that they view you as the "mean day care lady." NOT what you would hope would come of it.

[Ariana]

I wouldn't tell a parent what they can and cannot do. the only thing that would worry me is if this behavior was affecting me and my daycare, which is sounds like it isn't. Just smile and nod until she leaves. she is clearly getting something out of it and it's probably mommy guilt

[MissAnn]

I agree....I would not tell a parent what I feel they are doing "wrong"....but I will be an example to show how capable their child is. Hopefully she will catch on.

This has definitely affected his potty training. He turns into a baby at potty times. He also turns into a baby at clean up time. Doesn't work for him here.....but he gives it the good college try. LOL. Not only is he not potty trained.....he has only pottied on the toilet once since August even though I have him try with all the other kids a few times a day. He is holding back.....he even told me once....babies don't go potty on the toilet.

[thrivingchildcarecom]

I would say something!

I totally can relate! I have had many parents like this over the years. The one thing I have found helpful is to appeal to the parenting side of things. What I mean is I will usually try to nicely point out that as parents we (identifying with the parent) need to trust our children to perform certain tasks as they are age appropriate, guiding them only when needed.

I also will point out that we don't want them to miss or have delayed milestones (doctor's talk to parents all the time about milestones).

Oh, and one last thing: point out to the parents that their child can pick up on their cues. So if they are looking back at them in regret to leave them, the child will feel uneasy and uncomfortable. Most parents want their child to be happy and loved, so they don't want to project that onto their child. Maybe suggest that the child says good bye and pushes mom out the door. They do that a preschools.

Hopefully, if you keep (gently) bringing up these issues the parents will try some of these remedies and notice a change in their child.

Hope that helps,
Adrienne

[Unregistered]

I agree....I would not tell a parent what I feel they are doing "wrong"....but I will be an example to show how capable their child is. Hopefully she will catch on.

This has definitely affected his potty training. He turns into a baby at potty times. He also turns into a baby at clean up time. Doesn't work for him here.....but he gives it the good college try. LOL. Not only is he not potty trained.....he has only pottied on the toilet once since August even though I have him try with all the other kids a few times a day. He is holding back.....he even told me once....babies don't go potty on the toilet.

I would find something to do, doodle on a paper or something, to get away from the show. I use BC's PT tips so I would be potty training him until he showed signs of readiness. Sounds like your wasting your time taking him to the potty.

[daycare]

I think we all have one same or different age.

I require parents to come up with their good-bye routine outside my front door. Come in, parent signs in, one, kiss, one hug. the parent then leaves and let the child do the rest.

If i see a parent lingering, I just walk up and say bye mom/dad kiddo will see you later and I take over.

I have a 5 year old that gets treated like this daily and it's tough to see, but it's not my kid and I can't tell them how to parent.

[MissAnn]

I would find something to do, doodle on a paper or something, to get away from the show. I use BC's PT tips so I would be potty training him until he showed signs of readiness. Sounds like your wasting your time taking him to the potty.

I know what you're saying.....but honestly it's easier on ME to have him go on the potty. It's all about ME! LOL. I put away the diaper changing pad and just keep sending him.

[Blackcat31]

.....but honestly it's easier on ME to have him go on the potty.

Apparently not.

Seems you are the only one stressing about this.

Mom and child don't seem to mind current situation.

[MissAnn]

Apparently not.

Seems you are the only one stressing about this.

Mom and child don't seem to mind current situation.

Not stressing.....just annoyed at the treating him like a baby.