Am I a Big Meanie?

[midaycare]

I think this is the right thing to do, but wanted to check with you guys.

Craft time is huge here. Dcb, 2.5 was given a tiny bit of water needed for the craft project today. Everyone was told not to touch their water. He looked at me at said, "I want to dump it." Then he did. This particular dcb is my previous hitter and I have issues with impulse control with him, so I tend to take a harder stance with him - or he walks all over me.

So when he did that I said, "Okay, no craft for you today. You didn't listen to Ms. Midaycare. You may leave the table and go play quietly." Insert screaming here.

I have to follow through now today, but would you have handled this differently? Discipline is, admittedly, my weak point.

[Blackcat31]

I think this is the right thing to do, but wanted to check with you guys.

Craft time is huge here. Dcb, 2.5 was given a tiny bit of water needed for the craft project today. Everyone was told not to touch their water. He looked at me at said, "I want to dump it." Then he did. This particular dcb is my previous hitter and I have issues with impulse control with him, so I tend to take a harder stance with him - or he walks all over me.

So when he did that I said, "Okay, no craft for you today. You didn't listen to Ms. Midaycare. You may leave the table and go play quietly." Insert screaming here.

I have to follow through now today, but would you have handled this differently? Discipline is, admittedly, my weak point.

I am sure "Don't dump it" prior to craft time was nothing more than an invitation (for some kids an out right dare) to do exactly that. Dump it.

However, I am a one time = consequence type provider as well and although I understand the thought process of a 2.5 yr old (being dared to dump : it doesnt change the fact that I need compliance IF I am going to do certain activities so in your shoes I would have done the same.

I am betting that although it feels harsh, the next time you say not to do something I bet he listens the first time.

So you have two choices....

Give a second chance and be prepared for him to test you all the time (because he will learn you are generous with your chances)

or

KNOW he understands the consequence of his actions and more than likely won't be a repeat offender.

[midaycare]

I am sure "Don't dump it" prior to craft time was nothing more than an invitation (for some kids an out right dare) to do exactly that. Dump it.

However, I am a one time = consequence type provider as well and although I understand the thought process of a 2.5 yr old (being dared to dump : it doesnt change the fact that I need compliance IF I am going to do certain activities so in your shoes I would have done the same.

I am betting that although it feels harsh, the next time you say not to do something I bet he listens the first time.

So you have two choices....

Give a second chance and be prepared for him to test you all the time (because he will learn you are generous with your chances)

or

KNOW he understands the consequence of his actions and more than likely won't be a repeat offender.

Thanks BC. It probably was a huge dare to this dcb. It was like 2 tablespoons of water and, silly me, I thought he could handle it. ::

[Thriftylady]

I agree that you have to stand behind what you said. If you don't, then your words mean nothing next time.

[Play Care]

I agree that you have to stand behind what you said. If you don't, then your words mean nothing next time.

I agree, buuuut () knowing the child would probably push the boundaries means thinking ahead. So he would have been given the water only after everything was set up and I was sitting right with him. Or not given water at all but I would do that part for him.

I've dug that hole many a time and I just find if I can attack from a more proactive point than a reactive one I feel so much better about our day (and I don't feel like a big ole meanie pants :::::: )

[daycare]

I have kids like this.

Since I know they are impulsive, I do not give them anything at all during craft time like I do the others. I give them a squish ball and have them wait until I get to them and help them with the supplies. They need one on one with certain things. LIke no way would I give them markers or scissors without me sitting right there.


Then I enforce the one and done rule.



and you are not mean. If anything it would be mean if you said you were going to and then did not follow through.

[daycare]

I agree, buuuut () knowing the child would probably push the boundaries means thinking ahead. So he would have been given the water only after everything was set up and I was sitting right with him. Or not given water at all but I would do that part for him.

I've dug that hole many a time and I just find if I can attack from a more proactive point than a reactive one I feel so much better about our day (and I don't feel like a big ole meanie pants :::::: )

I think we posted at the same time.

[midaycare]

I agree, buuuut () knowing the child would probably push the boundaries means thinking ahead. So he would have been given the water only after everything was set up and I was sitting right with him. Or not given water at all but I would do that part for him.

I've dug that hole many a time and I just find if I can attack from a more proactive point than a reactive one I feel so much better about our day (and I don't feel like a big ole meanie pants :::::: )

The frustrating thing? It was all set up. I was right there, he was just too quick for me. Grrr!!!

[daycare]

The frustrating thing? It was all set up. I was right there, he was just too quick for me. Grrr!!!

we have to remember that all kid are different and we can't expect the same outcome from each one of them.

[Play Care]

The frustrating thing? It was all set up. I was right there, he was just too quick for me. Grrr!!!

I know, sometimes kids are just stinkers. ::

[midaycare]

I have kids like this.

Since I know they are impulsive, I do not give them anything at all during craft time like I do the others. I give them a squish ball and have them wait until I get to them and help them with the supplies. They need one on one with certain things. LIke no way would I give them markers or scissors without me sitting right there.


Then I enforce the one and done rule.



and you are not mean. If anything it would be mean if you said you were going to and then did not follow through.

I like this idea, very much! Thanks!

[rosieteddy]

I always felt like such a meanie.It is the best way though.We have to mean what we say and say what we mean.In group care we are the only one.If you didn't follow through he would probably test you everyday.I would just try to set him up for success . Give him the materials when you are ready to sit or help.He should learn his lesson.Great that you followed through. On a side note I had that kid as my son.One Halloween he just was out of control.I threatened with no carving the pumpkin.He continued to be a pill.So no pumpkin I still feel bad but it made a difference.He acted much better when he saw I followed through.Of course I still feel bad .(ps.he is 35 now that was when he was 4 yrs old......LOL)

[daycare]

I always felt like such a meanie.It is the best way though.We have to mean what we say and say what we mean.In group care we are the only one.If you didn't follow through he would probably test you everyday.I would just try to set him up for success . Give him the materials when you are ready to sit or help.He should learn his lesson.Great that you followed through. On a side note I had that kid as my son.One Halloween he just was out of control.I threatened with no carving the pumpkin.He continued to be a pill.So no pumpkin I still feel bad but it made a difference.He acted much better when he saw I followed through.Of course I still feel bad .(ps.he is 35 now that was when he was 4 yrs old......LOL)

awee...funny how we never forget.

this happened with my oldest who is now 20. He refused to help clean up on family day so he didn't get to go to the family fun day we had at the beach the following day. I left him with my neighbor who made him help trim his tress and bushes. I think he was about 9 at the time.

[Ariana]

I would have done what you did BUT I would have said what behavior I needed (expectation) and why upfront. So something like "keep the water on the table so we don't waste it and have none left for crafts" Then if he dumped it "oops, no more water for crafts" and then he can go and play.

Telling kids what is expected of them instead of what is not expected of them is always a good way to go about it. Like BlackCat mentioned asking him not to dump is an invitation for some!

I also almost always give a second chance. I allow a few minutes of crying to drive the point home and then ask "would you like another chance?" to which the child will say "yes" and then I give them another chance to prove that they can listen. I get complete compliance100% of the time when I give another chance. It is also a great teaching moment that I trust the kid can make a better choice.

[Rockgirl]

I'd have done as you did. Those logical consequences really are effective!