Potty Training...Help Me with This One Please!

[Baby Beluga]

DCB (who will be 3 in Jan) came in today and DCD said he was heavily potty training at home.

Mom wrote a note saying they set a timer on the stove and DCB goes potty every 30 minutes when the timer beeps. This is not something I am willing nor can I logistically do here.

Here, DCB has zero interest in using the potty on his own. He will go during our usual potty breaks, but will soak in diaper in less then 1.5 hours without telling me.

How do I kindly but firmly tell the parents that they are trained and not DCB? That he needs to listen to his body and not a timer?

FWIW: I have a potty training policy and it states that all children must remain dry for 2 full weeks before graduating to underwear.

[Blackcat31]

DCB (who will be 3 in Jan) came in today and DCD said he was heavily potty training at home.

Mom wrote a note saying they set a timer on the stove and DCB goes potty every 30 minutes when the timer beeps. This is not something I am willing nor can I logistically do here.

Here, DCB has zero interest in using the potty on his own. He will go during our usual potty breaks, but will soak in diaper in less then 1.5 hours without telling me.

How do I kindly but firmly tell the parents that they are trained and not DCB? That he needs to listen to his body and not a timer?

FWIW: I have a potty training policy and it states that all children must remain dry for 2 full weeks before graduating to underwear.

I would just straight up tell them that a timer at set intervals is not something you can add into your already busy day unless you hire an extra set of hands to assist you and since they probably don't want to fork over additional monies for an assistant, I would just say that once DCB has mastered going at the timed intervals at hoe AND has then mastered the next step (listening to his own body cues) then and only then will you step in and begin assisting in the process.

Just explain that setting the timer is something done very early on in the training process and if they still rely on a timer, then he isn't far enough along to bring you into it yet.

[Baby Beluga]

Thanks BC. I sent an email to the parents outlining what we do here (diaper/potty break every 1.5 hours) and that it was not logistically possible for me to take DCB every 30 minutes as I have to take all the children to the bathroom at the same time for supervision reasons (can't see playroom from bathroom).

Parents never responded to email. Today at drop off DCD asked me if I would set my oven timer every 1.5 hours because when DCB is asked if he has to go potty he says "no, I have to wait for the timer."

[Blackcat31]

Thanks BC. I sent an email to the parents outlining what we do here (diaper/potty break every 1.5 hours) and that it was not logistically possible for me to take DCB every 30 minutes as I have to take all the children to the bathroom at the same time for supervision reasons (can't see playroom from bathroom).

Parents never responded to email. Today at drop off DCD asked me if I would set my oven timer every 1.5 hours because when DCB is asked if he has to go potty he says "no, I have to wait for the timer."

Yikes!

What happens when he gets to school now and they don't have a timer? ::

Use DCD's comment to help him understand. "DCD, if DCB thinks he has to listen for a timer verses his own body needs, then he is not ready to train here."

[childcaremom]

Just explain that setting the timer is something done very early on in the training process and if they still rely on a timer, then he isn't far enough along to bring you into it yet.

I would repeat this to them. And stress that you do not use a timer.

Also ask them to reread your email b/c it outlines your toilet learning policy. Then tell them it is the last time that you will be discussing this.

[spedmommy4]

I would repeat this to them. And stress that you do not use a timer.

Also ask them to reread your email b/c it outlines your toilet learning policy. Then tell them it is the last time that you will be discussing this.

. This, and I also recently revised my own toilet training policies based on a very similar scenario. Mine now say that a child must ask to go potty and that I will not take children at short intervals (30-60 minutes) or use timers.

[Baby Beluga]

. This, and I also recently revised my own toilet training policies based on a very similar scenario. Mine now say that a child must ask to go potty and that I will not take children at short intervals (30-60 minutes) or use timers.

I just revised mine and thought I had my bases covered, but it is time for a new one again with the bolded incuded. My HB keeps getting longer....and longer....

Yikes!

What happens when he gets to school now and they don't have a timer? ::

Use DCD's comment to help him understand. "DCD, if DCB thinks he has to listen for a timer verses his own body needs, then he is not ready to train here."

This. I fear the timer is going to do more harm then good and will confuse DCB. DCD swore up and down that DCB would be trained by 3. He turns 3 in two weeks and I think parents are feeling the rush to train now.

[NoMoreJuice!]

No way do I do any sort of timers or schedules. Do they not understand the point of potty training? I really believe most parents think potty training is a success when the kid just stays dry.

Let them know the GOALS of potty training and then after they understand them, come up with a plan to meet those goals that works for both of you. Or most importantly, the child.

A successfully potty trained child will:
1. Recognize the feeling of a full bladder or bowel.
2. Communicate the urge to parents and caregivers.
3. Be able to hold the urge until a toilet is reached.
4. Find a bathroom and pull down their own pants.
5. Use the restroom, flush, and wash hands on their own.

That is what potty training means to me and those are the goals I give my parents. Now I would ask the parents where a timer fits into these goals.

On a side note, I detest "conventional" potty training methods, and always recommend the 3 day potty train to my parents. It saves so much time for both the parents and (most importantly) me. I feel it is the best way for a child to master goal #1, to recognize the feeling of needing to go. Of course, I'm a cold turkey kind of person (binkies, bottles, long morning goodbyes) and not everyone appreciates such an abrupt method.

[Blackcat31]

No way do I do any sort of timers or schedules. Do they not understand the point of potty training? I really believe most parents think potty training is a success when the kid just stays dry.

Let them know the GOALS of potty training and then after they understand them, come up with a plan to meet those goals that works for both of you. Or most importantly, the child.

A successfully potty trained child will:
1. Recognize the feeling of a full bladder or bowel.
2. Communicate the urge to parents and caregivers.
3. Be able to hold the urge until a toilet is reached.
4. Find a bathroom and pull down their own pants.
5. Use the restroom, flush, and wash hands on their own.

That is what potty training means to me and those are the goals I give my parents. Now I would ask the parents where a timer fits into these goals.

On a side note, I detest "conventional" potty training methods, and always recommend the 3 day potty train to my parents. It saves so much time for both the parents and (most importantly) me. I feel it is the best way for a child to master goal #1, to recognize the feeling of needing to go.

Do you recommend to parents that this be done at home on their time or do you participate as well when the child is in care one of those 3 days?

Of course, I'm a cold turkey kind of person (binkies, bottles, long morning goodbyes) and not everyone appreciates such an abrupt method.

I do!!!!! Nice to know I am not the only one. happyface

The reaction most received is that cold turkey is mean. :confused:

[NoMoreJuice!]

Do you recommend to parents that this be done at home on their time or do you participate as well when the child is in care one of those 3 days?

I actually offer in my policy handbook/contract a free unpaid day off if they successfully complete the 3 day potty train. So if they take off Friday to train, come back Monday in great shape, I will discount a day. If they come back at square one (this has only happened once) the day is not discounted but they have the opportunity try again as many times as they'd like. It's extra motivation, and has worked more times than I can count.

[Blackcat31]

I actually offer in my policy handbook/contract a free unpaid day off if they successfully complete the 3 day potty train. So if they take off Friday to train, come back Monday in great shape, I will discount a day. If they come back at square one (this has only happened once) the day is not discounted but they have the opportunity try again as many times as they'd like. It's extra motivation, and has worked more times than I can count.

Nice!!

[Mom2Two]

It sounds like the parents are trying to drive the potty training based on their own wishes rather than reality.
If a child can't "let it go" or "hold it" at will, there's a change in the brain that hasn't happened yet. They can't be fully potty trained until that change happens, and for some it doesn't happen til four years of age.

What they want to do at their house is their businessnes, but pull ups are much easier than messing with a child who doesn't know what they're doing as far as potty training goes.

I would be clear up front with the parents. If you let it drag out, it will get harder.

[ColorfulSunburst]

I use stove's timer here when I start potty training with a child. It works very well to me. As a result right now only two infant (1.3 and 1.4) and 3yo twins (who are a little behind of their age) use diapers. The all other children use potty here. After the holidays I'm going to take diapers away from twins and then will start working on it with infants. At the spring time no one here will use diaper. I hope
I prefer to work hard a few weeks and then have no stinky diapers here.

[ColorfulSunburst]

They can't be fully potty trained until that change happens, and for some it doesn't happen til four years of age.

they can. Believe me. That change happens very early if someone works on it.
I still don't understand why we teach kids use spoon, cup, put shoes on .... but can not teach use potty? what is different? They can control their own bodies even if they can not speak clear enough.

[Laurel]

Personally I would have told dad I'd try it. Since you are taking everyone anyway, it's not hard to just set the timer. Then if it works that's great and if it doesn't then you can say you tried.

I've had children that I thought were not interested and just for grins tried a halfway reasonable suggestion by a parent and they were right.

That said, I LOVED parents who just were laid back and content to do it my way. I had a few that wanted to wait longer than I did.