Elf on the Shelf Spoilers

[auntymimi]

I absolutely disagree. I do not think a provider wanting to do Elf on the Shelf in FRONT of daycare kids but ONLY allowing her children to participate is something the kids "just have to learn".

If I were the parent, I would and did pull my kids from a child care where the provider felt the same way.

Your example of eating something is in no way even comparable. I eat different things in front of my DCK's too but not because "this is my home".


I do it because I am the adult and I, as an adult do different things than the DCK's get to do because they aren't adults.

Playing a game such as EotS that is a delight to millions of kids this time of year is like sitting one kid at the table and giving him/her a candy bar but telling the other kids they don't get any. Or having Santa come visit but only letting one kid sit on his lap.

I think it's inconsiderate and rude to do. I think the fair, adult, logical and mature thing to do would be have any and all "special" family traditions/rituals etc when ONLY family are present. Doing these things in the presence of DCK's and expecting them to understand shows the OP's lack of empathy and understanding.

No one forced anyone to open a child care in their home BUT because that choice was made, there are simply certain things that I feel are no longer options.

I agree. My kids do as the daycare kids do, when they're present. We also have an elf on the shelf and we all search together. My girls have never minded. In fact, when their friends come in later, they can't wait to show what she's done and share in the fun! Usually it's more about the silly things that elf does than who finds her first. I don't allow constant completion among the kids. Also, I only accept children that I know fit with own girls' ages and personalities. My kids see the daycare kids as their friends and it's more like me hosting play dates for them than "mom has to watch these kids" you know? Once they get old enough I'll probably only keep kids when they're at school, but for now they enjoy it.

[Unregistered]

I absolutely disagree. I do not think a provider wanting to do Elf on the Shelf in FRONT of daycare kids but ONLY allowing her children to participate is something the kids "just have to learn".

If I were the parent, I would and did pull my kids from a child care where the provider felt the same way.

Your example of eating something is in no way even comparable. I eat different things in front of my DCK's too but not because "this is my home".

I do it because I am the adult and I, as an adult do different things than the DCK's get to do because they aren't adults.

Playing a game such as EotS that is a delight to millions of kids this time of year is like sitting one kid at the table and giving him/her a candy bar but telling the other kids they don't get any. Or having Santa come visit but only letting one kid sit on his lap.

I think it's inconsiderate and rude to do. I think the fair, adult, logical and mature thing to do would be have any and all "special" family traditions/rituals etc when ONLY family are present. Doing these things in the presence of DCK's and expecting them to understand shows the OP's lack of empathy and understanding.

No one forced anyone to open a child care in their home BUT because that choice was made, there are simply certain things that I feel are no longer options.

It's the OP's property. The options are up to them. If I was reading the OP right, she didn't say "nanny nanny boo. Only for my kids" while putting it in front of them. She tried to include them, and multiple children ruined it on PURPOSE (my issue with this) for her bio kids. When it was restricted. It was found, because the parents allowed the child to roam around nondaycare areas of the home. To me, this sounds like a disrespect issue from the parents and children. As I've said before, maybe I am mean. We are not their families. I've been burned too many times when a cheaper option comes along. The parents don't appreciate the things we do and are ruining it for our own children. Second, I think children need to learn not every thing is about/for them. For example, my kids recently had a Christmas store thing set up at their school. Kids as young as four go to that school. The librarian comes in to the class and only the children with money and a permission slip stating the money is for the store, go with her. You think the other students don't see that? Should the school pull that? At a certain point, we're just coddling them to the ways of the world.

[midaycare]

It's the OP's property. The options are up to them. If I was reading the OP right, she didn't say "nanny nanny boo. Only for my kids" while putting it in front of them. She tried to include them, and multiple children ruined it on PURPOSE (my issue with this) for her bio kids. When it was restricted. It was found, because the parents allowed the child to roam around nondaycare areas of the home. To me, this sounds like a disrespect issue from the parents and children. As I've said before, maybe I am mean. We are not their families. I've been burned too many times when a cheaper option comes along. The parents don't appreciate the things we do and are ruining it for our own children. Second, I think children need to learn not every thing is about/for them. For example, my kids recently had a Christmas store thing set up at their school. Kids as young as four go to that school. The librarian comes in to the class and only the children with money and a permission slip stating the money is for the store, go with her. You think the other students don't see that? Should the school pull that? At a certain point, we're just coddling them to the ways of the world.

Sounds like you have been burned a few too many times I think the school examp,e is apples and oranges. My DS's school has that too, but this year we didn't participate because the gifts are usually the same from year to year.

I'm not sure why the school should pull that, in any case.

The parent coming in and going around the home is a problem, but why did the parent do that? Why wasn't the parent stopped? I would raise holy heck is a parent went through my home.

Telling the parent "no" would have solved this particular problem.

If anyone wants to run a daycare out of their home and try to keep things separate and different for the daycare kids, then I'm not sure how long they will be in business, or how successful they will be. One of the main reasons parents choose home daycare is for the "home" feel. To be excluded all the time would ... Well, stink.

[Blackcat31]

It's the OP's property. The options are up to them. If I was reading the OP right, she didn't say "nanny nanny boo. Only for my kids" while putting it in front of them. She tried to include them, and multiple children ruined it on PURPOSE (my issue with this) for her bio kids. When it was restricted. It was found, because the parents allowed the child to roam around nondaycare areas of the home. To me, this sounds like a disrespect issue from the parents and children. As I've said before, maybe I am mean. We are not their families. I've been burned too many times when a cheaper option comes along. The parents don't appreciate the things we do and are ruining it for our own children. Second, I think children need to learn not every thing is about/for them. For example, my kids recently had a Christmas store thing set up at their school. Kids as young as four go to that school. The librarian comes in to the class and only the children with money and a permission slip stating the money is for the store, go with her. You think the other students don't see that? Should the school pull that? At a certain point, we're just coddling them to the ways of the world.

Where did she say the DCK's ruined it on purpose?

She said, "my dcks won't stop spoiling the surprise"

She didn't say anything about purposely nor did she explain exactly "how" the DCK's were spoiling it for her kids or how she may have (or may not have) explained to the DCK's about what she was doing...

Where did she say the parent allowed the child to roam around non-daycare areas of the house?

She said a mother helped her child look for the Elf but she also said "my daycare and home are all together " so again, NOT understanding where the "non daycare areas" idea is coming from or the idea it was restricted in any way. Other than the OP saying to the DCK's not to tell.

Which is like an open invitation to kids to tell...

Again, I'm sorry you disagree but I don't think the provider should be doing anything in front of the DCK's and expecting them to not participate. It sounds like she's not having any luck getting them to understand so rather than continue doing it and not getting the results she is wanting, she needs to try and find other ways to incorporate this tradition into her family.

As for book store at school and only allowing kids with money to go..... I hardly find that comparable to something magical and fun like EotS is to small children.

[Unregistered]

Where did she say the DCK's ruined it on purpose?

She said, "my dcks won't stop spoiling the surprise"

She didn't say anything about purposely nor did she explain exactly "how" the DCK's were spoiling it for her kids or how she may have (or may not have) explained to the DCK's about what she was doing...

Where did she say the parent allowed the child to roam around non-daycare areas of the house?

She said a mother helped her child look for the Elf but she also said "my daycare and home are all together " so again, NOT understanding where the "non daycare areas" idea is coming from or the idea it was restricted in any way. Other than the OP saying to the DCK's not to tell.

Which is like an open invitation to kids to tell...

Again, I'm sorry you disagree but I don't think the provider should be doing anything in front of the DCK's and expecting them to not participate. It sounds like she's not having any luck getting them to understand so rather than continue doing it and not getting the results she is wanting, she needs to try and find other ways to incorporate this tradition into her family.

As for book store at school and only allowing kids with money to go..... I hardly find that comparable to something magical and fun like EotS is to small children.

I think this is where you and I differ in two ways. One, my family comes before my clients. Sorry, your children aren't my family. If I lose you, well don't let the door hit you on the way out. I think too many providers indulge parents. Second, I'd like to think I'm preparing my bio and daycare kids for the real world. I think we've gotten too used to coddling children. There are things that happened while I grew up that would get daycares closed that I think were beneficial. Speaking of Christmas, I remember being in kindergarten. We used to get a gift from a Santa who came to visit. I remember there were a few students who didn't get presents due to poor behavior. Isn't that the mythos? If you're naughty, you get nothing. If you're good, you get a present. I remember sharing this story with my child's teacher recently. Just as an aside. You would have thought I told her the "bad" children were taken and whipped. I guess that's the world of 2016 (as 2015 is basically over). Everyone is good and it's ok not to try. When we have 30 year olds with no jobs living off us (welfare, unemployment, ect), we don't know why.

[Rockgirl]

I think this is where you and I differ in two ways. One, my family comes before my clients. Sorry, your children aren't my family. If I lose you, well don't let the door hit you on the way out. I think too many providers indulge parents. Second, I'd like to think I'm preparing my bio and daycare kids for the real world. I think we've gotten too used to coddling children. There are things that happened while I grew up that would get daycares closed that I think were beneficial. Speaking of Christmas, I remember being in kindergarten. We used to get a gift from a Santa who came to visit. I remember there were a few students who didn't get presents due to poor behavior. Isn't that the mythos? If you're naughty, you get nothing. If you're good, you get a present. I remember sharing this story with my child's teacher recently. Just as an aside. You would have thought I told her the "bad" children were taken and whipped. I guess that's the world of 2016 (as 2015 is basically over). Everyone is good and it's ok not to try. When we have 30 year olds with no jobs living off us (welfare, unemployment, ect), we don't know why.

But this situation is completely different. It has nothing to do with "good" or "bad" kids, or even behavior. OP stated the child and dcm were looking for the elf upon arrival, and OP was upset that it was spoiled for her kids.

Personally, I would either 1) include everyone, but tell dcks we would wait for the others before looking, or 2) place the elf in a private family area, and not mention it to dcks. I know some say, "Dcks need to learn", but I disagree.

When my own kids were younger, they were allowed to go to their own rooms to play with their own toys. They were NOT allowed to bring those toys into the daycare area and flaunt them in front of dcks.

[Unregistered]

But this situation is completely different. It has nothing to do with "good" or "bad" kids, or even behavior. OP stated the child and dcm were looking for the elf upon arrival, and OP was upset that it was spoiled for her kids.

Personally, I would either 1) include everyone, but tell dcks we would wait for the others before looking, or 2) place the elf in a private family area, and not mention it to dcks. I know some say, "Dcks need to learn", but I disagree.

When my own kids were younger, they were allowed to go to their own rooms to play with their own toys. They were NOT allowed to bring those toys into the daycare area and flaunt them in front of dcks.

This is what I don't get. The OP and her children aren't flaunting anything. If any thing, they were kind and shared and it turned out bad for the OP and her bio kids. Because it's Christmas the bad behavior can be tolerated by the daycare kids? If it were me, I'd just say to the day care kids (nothing, but in this situation) "Elfie comes here to visit my family. He comes to your home. Maybe he will visit your home". If the parents can't be bothered to do with them, we shouldn't be either especially if they're ruining it for our children. I like my day care kids, but I love my own children. Parents shouldn't expect love or parenting. I offer a service where I make sure kids are safe and growing properly. I'm not running an orphanage or foster home.

[midaycare]

Just burn the dang Elf. He's not worth all this trouble. And I find him quite creepy.

[Rockgirl]

This is what I don't get. The OP and her children aren't flaunting anything. If any thing, they were kind and shared and it turned out bad for the OP and her bio kids. Because it's Christmas the bad behavior can be tolerated by the daycare kids? If it were me, I'd just say to the day care kids (nothing, but in this situation) "Elfie comes here to visit my family. He comes to your home. Maybe he will visit your home". If the parents can't be bothered to do with them, we shouldn't be either especially if they're ruining it for our children. I like my day care kids, but I love my own children. Parents shouldn't expect love or parenting. I offer a service where I make sure kids are safe and growing properly. I'm not running an orphanage or foster home.

My point was simply that if OP wants this to be for her children, she should do it privately with them. Not have them do it with dcks present, and not allow them to participate. I never implied there was any bad behavior....I don't believe there is.

Anyway....I am glad I've never started this tradition here--they can enjoy it at home.

[Controlled Chaos]

Just burn the dang Elf. He's not worth all this trouble. And I find him quite creepy.

:: right?!

[childcaremom]

Just burn the dang Elf. He's not worth all this trouble. And I find him quite creepy.

::::

[Unregistered]

Thank You!!

There is nothing that said the kids were not allowed to participate with the Elf, I simply meant I didn't want the dcks blurting out where the elf is immediately when my son is within sight, let him find it on his own. I don't mind them checking it out, just keep it to yourself.
As far as the parent searching.....if I'm in one room when you drop your child off, there is NOOO reason why you should be venturing to any other room besides where I am ever!!
These children are between the ages of 6-10, they are old enough to know better. We all know too well the kids that act one way around their parents then change their ways around someone who actually has a backbone!
This is my home too, point blank respect that!

This is what I don't get. The OP and her children aren't flaunting anything. If any thing, they were kind and shared and it turned out bad for the OP and her bio kids. Because it's Christmas the bad behavior can be tolerated by the daycare kids? If it were me, I'd just say to the day care kids (nothing, but in this situation) "Elfie comes here to visit my family. He comes to your home. Maybe he will visit your home". If the parents can't be bothered to do with them, we shouldn't be either especially if they're ruining it for our children. I like my day care kids, but I love my own children. Parents shouldn't expect love or parenting. I offer a service where I make sure kids are safe and growing properly. I'm not running an orphanage or foster home.

[childcaremom]

Thank You!!

There is nothing that said the kids were not allowed to participate with the Elf, I simply meant I didn't want the dcks blurting out where the elf is immediately when my son is within sight, let him find it on his own. I don't mind them checking it out, just keep it to yourself.
As far as the parent searching.....if I'm in one room when you drop your child off, there is NOOO reason why you should be venturing to any other room besides where I am ever!!
These children are between the ages of 6-10, they are old enough to know better. We all know too well the kids that act one way around their parents then change their ways around someone who actually has a backbone!
This is my home too, point blank respect that!

I think this needs to be addressed by you. I had a similar issue with a dcp wandering my home (dc is lower level and they were upstairs after dropping off ). No thank you! I put a stop to that right quick and they didn't make it past my doorway after that.

[Blackcat31]

I think this is where you and I differ in two ways. One, my family comes before my clients. Sorry, your children aren't my family. If I lose you, well don't let the door hit you on the way out. I think too many providers indulge parents. Second, I'd like to think I'm preparing my bio and daycare kids for the real world. I think we've gotten too used to coddling children. There are things that happened while I grew up that would get daycares closed that I think were beneficial. Speaking of Christmas, I remember being in kindergarten. We used to get a gift from a Santa who came to visit. I remember there were a few students who didn't get presents due to poor behavior. Isn't that the mythos? If you're naughty, you get nothing. If you're good, you get a present. I remember sharing this story with my child's teacher recently. Just as an aside. You would have thought I told her the "bad" children were taken and whipped. I guess that's the world of 2016 (as 2015 is basically over). Everyone is good and it's ok not to try. When we have 30 year olds with no jobs living off us (welfare, unemployment, ect), we don't know why.

The daycare kids aren't my family either but that doesn't mean you have a right to be so blatantly cruel by denying them something magical at Christmas because you can't find a way to separate your work life from your home life and insist on doing this right in front of them. :confused:

I simply don't understand that concept...we don't teach children about the real world by excluding, denying or outright separation....THAT is what is wrong with the world today.

I am curious, do you outright tell your clients that you will do X and Y for your children but NOT for theirs? Do you tell your clients that your children will always be favored over the daycare kids during business hours? Do you tell them your kids get X and Y but their kids will not? If so, what do your clients say/feel about this? How is this written into your policies and what exactly do you say to them (clients) so that they are understanding and accepting of this?

And the thought process that "We used to... " in regards to child care/education/rearing is hardly applicable to today's world when nothing family-wise etc is even remotely the same. Just because we did, doesn't mean we should.

We, as a society know better today. We know better how speak to children, how to teach them, how to care for them.

The mentality that Billy gets X simply because he lives there and Sally doesn't is hurtful, mean and wrong towards the children on so many levels. Not at all a concept a child would understand. It's also a poor example for Billy as it teaches him that somehow, he is better or deserves better than Sally.

Now, if Billy earned something and Sally didn't, then that's different but you are talking about excluding based on something children don't understand and have no control over.

It has NOTHING to do with loving your daycare kids or not. It has nothing to do with coddling parents.

It has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that OP chose to open a business in her home and with that business comes some restrictions that can't always be helped. Unless OP is open 24 hours a day, she has plenty of opportunity to do EotS with her kids outside of daycare hours.

My family comes first too but as a business owner, I've figured out how to put my family first WHILE running a business (ie not excluding DCKs or coddling their parents) and that was my only point.... as a business owner that CHOSE to run a business in the middle of her family, the OP has an obligation to set some boundaries and figure out how to put her family first without it being at the expense of children.

[Blackcat31]

But this situation is completely different. It has nothing to do with "good" or "bad" kids, or even behavior. OP stated the child and dcm were looking for the elf upon arrival, and OP was upset that it was spoiled for her kids.

Personally, I would either 1) include everyone, but tell dcks we would wait for the others before looking, or 2) place the elf in a private family area, and not mention it to dcks. I know some say, "Dcks need to learn", but I disagree.

When my own kids were younger, they were allowed to go to their own rooms to play with their own toys. They were NOT allowed to bring those toys into the daycare area and flaunt them in front of dcks.

The answer is so simple.

Do it OUTSIDE of daycare hours when daycare kids are not present.