Not Sure How to Address This...

**Lyle** · 12-02-2015, 12:00 PM

Hello Mia

That is an uncomfortable scenario. One suggestion I have is 100% completely not your job, but it could work in two ways. If it happens again and the older child gets out and comes in perhaps you could hit him with some PBIS (positive behavior intervention strategy). If I did this I would say "Ugh-oh CHILD you're supposed to stay buckled up, if you stay in your seat all week on friday I'll send your mom with a surprise for you. (something dirt cheap you probably have 20 of sticker, pencil etc.) This might accomplish what you want by 1. getting the kid to stay in the car, 2. let his mother know you have some apprehension to what the child is doing if it meant enough that you are intervening 3. teach the mother a better way (PBIS) to get what she wants from the child 4. Avoid an awkward exchange with the parent.

That's a lot of work, and it may not be something you are interested in doing. If you don't do anything about it, it may go away on its own though too.

Let me know what you decide. Best of Luck.

Lyle

**Blackcat31** · 12-02-2015, 12:05 PM

Originally posted by mia

Not sure how to address this client that I have had for some time. I have written on her before regarding this family....child running across road at pick time, running thought house by self, going into areas that are off limits, etc......

Yesterday the client came in to drop off youngest (1yr). Just like any other day. I never see older child for that child goes to school (4yr).

Yesterday at drop off I'm getting child from the mom when I see and hear the door trying to be pushed open. I comment that I think that my other client is on the way in (to the little one that I have in my arms), the mom turns to see the door and it's NOT the other client like I thought it is the sibling to the one I have in my arms.... Mom leaves child in van while she drops off younger child to me. Well yesterday the older one unbuckles, jumps into front set and gets out from the drivers side door, comes into the house all smiles, mom's like how did you get out child tells her, she's like oh well you shouldn't have done that... then says by... I was speechless...

This morning... mom drops off same thing again happens, this time mom says didn't I tell you to say put, don't you know how to listen, Child say no,, moms like well then you better not have made a mess like you did yesterday, I won't be happy if you did.....

I'm so baffled I don't no what to say or how to say it...

This is what I want to say
" Hi **** you know how the last 2 mornings **** gets out of the van and comes to the house.... Well you need to figure something else out for child during drop off... For it's not safe at all for child to be left in van now that child is older and can get out by self... The child could have ran across road, went to others homes, got hurt getting out, hit the wrong button on van, many thing... So my suggestion is either bring child into house and have child sit in cubby while dropping and sign younger child in, or drop older child off at school first.... For I CAN NOT HAVE **** DO THAT ANY MORE FOR SAFETY REASON.....

What do you all think I should do....

Because this is a huge safety issue and because YOU could potentially be held liable if the child got injured on your property, you need to tell the mom that SHE needs to figure out how to manage drop offs/pick ups or you will have to term her.

As for comments about rewarding a child in a positive manner...I agree for behaviors that are simple issue with day to day behaviors (and for kids actually IN your care) but NO WAY would I reward a child for not listening to the parent or reward them for expected behaviors.

**BabyMonkeys** · 12-02-2015, 12:33 PM

"I know what a pain it is to bring *** in when you drop off ***, but I would greatly appreciate it. I hope you aren't offended that I asked..I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if **** was killed by running into the road, or (fill in the blank) and I hadn't."

I can be slightly passive aggressive when dealing with stupidity.

**MunchkinWrangler** · 12-02-2015, 12:48 PM

In my state, MN, it actually is your responsibility to make sure other children and people are safe because it is a liability issue. I've been told this from licensing. This is a huge issue regarding this child's safety. So many terrible things could happen with this scenario. I would try to have an earnest conversation with the mother, ask her if there is a time you can talk in private regarding this issue. I would make it your business because it is your home and obviously you care about the child and the mother should too. Sometimes people don't act until they see disapproval for their inaction. Unfortunately, you can't control what she does when she's not at your property. I've noticed that it's almost become 'cool' to not take extra precautions as a parent because then everyone's afraid they'll be judged as a helicopter parent. I'm a big safety nut so I feel that when something is in your control to stop harm, change it, because there are so many uncontrolled factors out there.

**Blackcat31** · 12-02-2015, 12:57 PM

Originally posted by MunchkinWrangler

In my state, MN, it actually is your responsibility to make sure other children and people are safe because it is a liability issue. I've been told this from licensing. This is a huge issue regarding this child's safety. So many terrible things could happen with this scenario. I would try to have an earnest conversation with the mother, ask her if there is a time you can talk in private regarding this issue. I would make it your business because it is your home and obviously you care about the child and the mother should too. Sometimes people don't act until they see disapproval for their inaction. Unfortunately, you can't control what she does when she's not at your property. I've noticed that it's almost become 'cool' to not take extra precautions as a parent because then everyone's afraid they'll be judged as a helicopter parent. I'm a big safety nut so I feel that when something is in your control to stop harm, change it, because there are so many uncontrolled factors out there.

Our regulations do not say that it is our responsibility. You can definitely be held liable though

It's dependent on a lot of things but no where in our licensing rules/regulations does it say you (as the provider) is responsible.

**MunchkinWrangler** · 12-02-2015, 01:15 PM

Thanks Blackcat! I'm new to the site but have come to the forum for so much advice and I always admire your input. I was told by licensing that no matter what it is if I don't like something, change it, because at the end of the day, it's my home, my business, my rules. Also, people are sue happy, nowadays, you just never know.

**laundrymom** · 12-02-2015, 01:17 PM

Hey mom. I know it's a hassle but you need to either keep Sara in her seat and bring your keys in with you or bring her in to get Cindy. I'm sure you understand the safety risk it is for her to wander without an adult.
Then just do the stare.

**Blackcat31** · 12-02-2015, 01:23 PM

Originally posted by MunchkinWrangler

Thanks Blackcat! I'm new to the site but have come to the forum for so much advice and I always admire your input. I was told by licensing that no matter what it is if I don't like something, change it, because at the end of the day, it's my home, my business, my rules. Also, people are sue happy, nowadays, you just never know.

Absolutely!!

If you remember that always, you will do great!!!

Welcome to the forum by the way! Nice to see another Minnesotan here!

**SilverSabre25** · 12-02-2015, 07:50 PM

My son's preschool has a rule about not leaving siblings in the car for drop offs and pick ups. I would totally TOTALLY tell mom that "per licensing rules" she's no longer allowed to leave sib in the car, and sib needs to accompany her to the door.

Then to address the rest of it (running through the house, etc) you could pin that on licensing again--sib isn't enrolled so sib isn't allowed past the entryway.

Put up gates, etc. if you have to.

I know it doesn't really address the running into street (I've had littles do that too...I have learned to claim deniability and not watch them leave because omg these parents have zero control over their children and it's limited how much I can order them around outside my care, kwim?)

**daycare** · 12-02-2015, 08:04 PM

In my state of CA it is illegal to leave a child under the age of 16 alone in a car without an adult. SO I am able to throw this at them.

However, a few years back I had something like this happen.

DCK was also 4 and was not in my program, little sister who was 2 was. Grandma parked 3 houses away and came to get dcg.

I had no clue dck was in the car waiting. while grandma was in the house flapping her gums all of a sudden a knock on the door. I was a little shocked, it was my last pick up. BTW it was already dark at this time.

well at the door was my neighbor who had dck4 in his arms. The gma looks at me and says to my neighbor what in the world is going on. Neighbor says that he was out front in his garage and heard a child yelling help me help me while banging his head on the window, so the neighbor broke the door and got the dck out. it was a huge nasty mess.

I told dcp that they are lucky the neighbor didn't call the police or etc and that next time they did it, I was going to report them.

they termed about a month later.

Also, about 3 years ago in my town, a mom went to a local private school to pick up her school age kid and left a three month old in the car with it running, she was only 20 feet away and someone stole the car.

i would be telling dcm that she can shorten her drop off, come to the door, don't come in, hand off the dcg and walk right back to her car so that she is never out of sight of the dck.

I don't understand why anyone would leave a child in a car unattended for any lenght of time. nothing safe about that...

**Alwaysgreener** · 12-02-2015, 08:47 PM

Originally posted by daycare

In my state of CA it is illegal to leave a child under the age of 16 alone in a car without an adult. SO I am able to throw this at them.

However, a few years back I had something like this happen.

DCK was also 4 and was not in my program, little sister who was 2 was. Grandma parked 3 houses away and came to get dcg.

I had no clue dck was in the car waiting. while grandma was in the house flapping her gums all of a sudden a knock on the door. I was a little shocked, it was my last pick up. BTW it was already dark at this time.

well at the door was my neighbor who had dck4 in his arms. The gma looks at me and says to my neighbor what in the world is going on. Neighbor says that he was out front in his garage and heard a child yelling help me help me while banging his head on the window, so the neighbor broke the door and got the dck out. it was a huge nasty mess.

I told dcp that they are lucky the neighbor didn't call the police or etc and that next time they did it, I was going to report them.

they termed about a month later.

Also, about 3 years ago in my town, a mom went to a local private school to pick up her school age kid and left a three month old in the car with it running, she was only 20 feet away and someone stole the car.

i would be telling dcm that she can shorten her drop off, come to the door, don't come in, hand off the dcg and walk right back to her car so that she is never out of sight of the dck.

I don't understand why anyone would leave a child in a car unattended for any length of time. nothing safe about that...

Did a quick search, I am not what the law is in Canada were OP is but most states have something on this. Here is a link http://www.kidsandcars.org/state-laws.html

**Alwaysgreener** · 12-02-2015, 08:54 PM

Originally posted by mia

Not sure how to address this client that I have had for some time. I have written on her before regarding this family....child running across road at pick time, running thought house by self, going into areas that are off limits, etc......

Yesterday the client came in to drop off youngest (1yr). Just like any other day. I never see older child for that child goes to school (4yr).

Yesterday at drop off I'm getting child from the mom when I see and hear the door trying to be pushed open. I comment that I think that my other client is on the way in (to the little one that I have in my arms), the mom turns to see the door and it's NOT the other client like I thought it is the sibling to the one I have in my arms.... Mom leaves child in van while she drops off younger child to me. Well yesterday the older one unbuckles, jumps into front set and gets out from the drivers side door, comes into the house all smiles, mom's like how did you get out child tells her, she's like oh well you shouldn't have done that... then says by... I was speechless...

This morning... mom drops off same thing again happens, this time mom says didn't I tell you to say put, don't you know how to listen, Child say no,, moms like well then you better not have made a mess like you did yesterday, I won't be happy if you did.....

I'm so baffled I don't no what to say or how to say it...

This is what I want to say
" Hi **** you know how the last 2 mornings **** gets out of the van and comes to the house.... Well you need to figure something else out for child during drop off... For it's not safe at all for child to be left in van now that child is older and can get out by self... The child could have ran across road, went to others homes, got hurt getting out, hit the wrong button on van, many thing... So my suggestion is either bring child into house and have child sit in cubby while dropping and sign younger child in, or drop older child off at school first.... For I CAN NOT HAVE **** DO THAT ANY MORE FOR SAFETY REASON.....

What do you all think I should do....

I did a quick search and I found this article on leaving a child in the car in Canada. If I read it right, it sounds like it is considered Abandonment. http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2014...lice_warn.html

If I am right, let her know it is against the law.

**mia** · 12-03-2015, 01:11 PM

Thanks ladies

Looks like it's not the law here how ever it can be if people report it to the police or F&CS then it can be classified to be neglect or abandonment....

Looks like it is ok, how ever in my books I don't think it's right but there is nothing I can do but just let mom know that I don't approve. Then it's up to her if she want's to continue leaving child in van, while she drops of sibling....

**sharlan** · 12-03-2015, 02:02 PM

Originally posted by 284878

Did a quick search, I am not what the law is in Canada were OP is but most states have something on this. Here is a link http://www.kidsandcars.org/state-laws.html

Thank you for posting the correct facts regarding this law.

Not Sure How to Address This...

Not Sure How to Address This...

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