Need Some Help

[Unregistered]

Sorry this is so long! Logged out for privacy. I am just looking for some advice or some insight as to how to approach a situation with a parent. I have suspected that her child is on the Autism spectrum since she began nearly a year ago. She is part-time and for a very long time I was not sure if the child was just tired (she sleeps a LOT here, sometimes 5-6 hours a day) or if she was on the spectrum. She is now 2.5 and it is very clear to me that she is on the spectrum and is also extremely tired. She co-sleeps at home with a 5 month old and mom. I am trying to convince mom to put her in her own room in a crib but she won’t. I am suspicious that she is still breastfeeding her at night when she wakes up (she has admitted to breastfeeding). Not my business but interrupts sleep.
Last week she started sobbing uncontrollably so I called mom for pickup. She went home, was fine and came the next day. She sobbed again so I just put her to bed. This week same situation. She slept at my house for 6 hours. I hadn’t been telling mom about this but I can no longer ignore it and I cannot care for a child who is sobbing uncontrollably. Before this she was just exhibiting signs of lethargy; not playing, rolling on the ground…but not crying. Brought the lethargy up with mom before, she says things will change at home but nothing does. She is very “unconcerned”…this is the impression I get.
Today I called her for pickup when this began and she came. I invited her in for a “talk”. She tells me that she is acting completely normal at home and as an educator it baffles me that these spectrum behaviors are not being observed at home as mom is also an educator and a teacher. Mom comes in and child immediately starts doing all of the things she normally does here that makes me believe she is on the spectrum (constantly naming objects rather than playing, lining things up etc.) I start pointing all of it out to her and she nods her head in agreement and starts to admit that she does see this at home. I recommend that she gets the child assessed. Not once do I mention autism just “atypical behavior”. She mentions that she will get him checked.
What should I do moving forward. This mom is very laid back as a parent. Nothing concerns her. She is educated in the same field as me but hasn’t worked with kids this age. She was only with school agers. Denial is here BIG TIME. I had to term another parent due to denial but I don’t want to do that again. I am just very concerned for this kid and what is going on at home and here and why mom seems so oblivious to it….or is she? Should I just wait and see? Should I term? Keep texting when she is sobbing uncontrollably? Keep letting her sleep for 6 hours?
Feeling a bit stressed

[nannyde]

I would let her sleep all day and stay out of it. You have done your job. If mom says no to assessment and intervention, she has the right.

Sounds like super easy money to me. As long as she doesn't get violent and her sleep coincides with nap... it's all good.

[Unregistered]

I would let her sleep all day and stay out of it. You have done your job. If mom says no to assessment and intervention, she has the right.

Sounds like super easy money to me. As long as she doesn't get violent and her sleep coincides with nap... it's all good.

This is what I have been doing up until now. I felt that as an ECE I need to tell the parents that their child needs an assessment at the very least. You are right I have now done all I can and my conscious is clear! Ball is in her court.

The thing is her sleeping doesn't coincide with nap time. Yesterday she slept from 9:45am until 3pm. We weren't able to go outside as I couldn't leave her unattended. Maybe getting a monitor might help....

[Josiegirl]

I would let her sleep all day and stay out of it. You have done your job. If mom says no to assessment and intervention, she has the right.

Sounds like super easy money to me. As long as she doesn't get violent and her sleep coincides with nap... it's all good.

But nobody is advocating for dcg.I know it's dcm's place to do that but maybe it's fear that's keeping her in denial and from going forward. She's doing what is working for her now, taking one day at a time and it probably overwhelms her to think of taking on extra stress and worries. Is there a dad in the picture? Or any other support? Can you fill out an assessment form and give it to dcm and pass along the idea to see her pedi and give them what you find at daycare? Just a thought. Dcm probably is denying problems with her pedi also. A child who is sleeping 6 hours a day...sounds abnormal to me, she's missing out on so much and not learning/growing/playing.

[childcaremom]

This is what I have been doing up until now. I felt that as an ECE I need to tell the parents that their child needs an assessment at the very least. You are right I have now done all I can and my conscious is clear! Ball is in her court.

The thing is her sleeping doesn't coincide with nap time. Yesterday she slept from 9:45am until 3pm. We weren't able to go outside as I couldn't leave her unattended. Maybe getting a monitor might help....

You've made your suggestion. I would leave it at that and let your conscious be clear.

I wouldn't be able to have a child in care who couldn't participate in our schedule, though. That would be concerning enough for me and would warrant a chat with mom and the end result of calling for pick up for not being able to participate.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I had a similar situation, but without the possible autism or spectrum issues. A perfectly healthy kid, but he slept 4+ hours everday. I would usually put him down a little earlier than the others, because he had such a hard time making it to regular nap time. After a few weeks of this, mom mentioned how he was staying up super late and through the night he would wake repeatedly and I mentioned that it must be why he takes such long naps here. Of course, then it became my fault that he wasn't sleeping at night and they wanted me to wake him up and limit his nap to 1.5-2 hours so they could have an easier time at bedtime.

I didn't change anything and never spoke to them about it again and he continued to sleep the day away, but I am not going to wake a child who obviously needs sleep and if they cannot control him at home and get him to bed at a decent hour, that is not my problem.

As for your situation, it sounds like you have done all you can and now you either can decide to keep doing what you are doing or as the PP said, have him picked up for not participating.

[Unregistered]

But nobody is advocating for dcg.I know it's dcm's place to do that but maybe it's fear that's keeping her in denial and from going forward. She's doing what is working for her now, taking one day at a time and it probably overwhelms her to think of taking on extra stress and worries. Is there a dad in the picture? Or any other support? Can you fill out an assessment form and give it to dcm and pass along the idea to see her pedi and give them what you find at daycare? Just a thought. Dcm probably is denying problems with her pedi also. A child who is sleeping 6 hours a day...sounds abnormal to me, she's missing out on so much and not learning/growing/playing.

Today was the first time I had even mentioned her being "atypical" in development. When she came in for the "talk" the child was doing the same behaviors and mom was able to see for herself what she was doing. I haven't made any formal observations to give them unfortunately but I do have videos. I also told mom everything I have observed. I have literally researched this to death and because she is so high functioning I am not 100% sure if she is just really weird or is on the spectrum. I trust my own instincts though having worked with ASD children and having worked in a toddler room for 5 years. She has also started lining objects up which just started this week. Stimming also just recently started. I only have her 2 days and she sleeps so much it is hard to get a clear picture about behavior or to say it happens all the time or not.

Dad is in the picture but works very weird hours and is never home. She has called him a "workoholic" before as they never have dinner together and they clearly do not sleep together. I don't probe so this is all I know. DCG came to me at 18 months, a previous caregiver had terminated her with the reason "I cannot provide what your child needs". At the time I didn't think anything of it but now I get it. Anyway DCG was at home with dad before she came to me. He was working overnights and taking care of DCG all day. When she came to me she was barely able to walk up stairs, had never held a crayon before....just very stunted developmentally. She has made great strides since being here. I think she spent a lot of time in her crib sleeping while dad slept. A big part of me thinks it may still be happening.

[Blackcat31]

This is what I have been doing up until now. I felt that as an ECE I need to tell the parents that their child needs an assessment at the very least. You are right I have now done all I can and my conscious is clear! Ball is in her court.

The thing is her sleeping doesn't coincide with nap time. Yesterday she slept from 9:45am until 3pm. We weren't able to go outside as I couldn't leave her unattended. Maybe getting a monitor might help....

I think you did your part and the ball IS in the parent's court. You cant MAKE them do anything.

As for the sleeping issues, I would ask mom how she wants you to handle that. DCG MUST be ready to nap at nap time and if she is sleeping outside of your regular nap times, I would send her home. If she sobs uncontrollably, send her home if she isn't able to participate as normal.

You need not only just sit back and know the ball is in their court but you need to actually GIVE the issue back to the parents. If they need to continually come pick up, then maybe they will be annoyed enough to figure out what help she needs.

I personally would not adjust my daily schedule or the schedule of others to accommodate one child who's own parents won't step up to get the help she clearly needs.

But nobody is advocating for dcg.I know it's dcm's place to do that but maybe it's fear that's keeping her in denial and from going forward. She's doing what is working for her now, taking one day at a time and it probably overwhelms her to think of taking on extra stress and worries. Is there a dad in the picture? Or any other support? Can you fill out an assessment form and give it to dcm and pass along the idea to see her pedi and give them what you find at daycare? Just a thought. Dcm probably is denying problems with her pedi also. A child who is sleeping 6 hours a day...sounds abnormal to me, she's missing out on so much and not learning/growing/playing.

Advocating for a child simply means telling the person in charge of the child. It sounds as if the parents aren't willing to "see" what the provider sees. Doing more than she (the provider) has already done starts to become enabling the parent verses advocating for the child.

I do like your suggestion of writing down some examples of what has been observed but I wouldn't share that with the parent now after it's already been brought to moms attention UNLESS mom asks for that type of thing.

[nannyde]

Any chance she's up all night on an iPad?

[Unregistered]

Mom sent me an ASD form to fill out as she says she wants to bring it to her DR. I think she is on board with everything!!! I am so so so happy that this child is going to be assessed!!

I am so glad I gathered the courage to speak up because I feel such a huge sense of relief. I really hope she follows through with it. Sleep is a whole other issue which she also seems baffled by. I made my recommendations that she be put in her own bed in her own room so it is up to them now. I won't be taking care of a lethargic child however and will continue to call when the child is not participating. It is written in my contract so I will enforce it.

Thanks all

[Unregistered]

Any chance she's up all night on an iPad?

It very well could be happening. I honestly have no idea what is happening but how can anyone get any sleep with a baby waking all night long and a mom who probably snores! His sleep might be getting interrupted enough that he is not fully waking but the sleep cycle is being broken.

[rosieteddy]

There is no way I would keep this child .Unless she went along with my schedule.If she can not follow the program I would send her home. The most I would let her sleep at that age is 3 hours.It would have to coincide with nap time for the others.One child can not dictate the way my program runs.Might be easy money but at what cost.

[Unregistered]

Well through quite a bit of research I am learning that many kids on the spectrum(80%) have sleep disorders so this is all making much more sense.