I Will NEVER Understand.....

[Mad_Pistachio]

This is primarily a daycare provider site, so we can come here and vent about things parents do that bug us. She is well within her right to state an opinion. If you want to drop your kid off at daycare when you are not working, then by all means. And she can judge you for it or have an opinion on it. And honestly, most of us don't care what parents do when they leave their children with us, but we do recognize the parents who continually do it and who actively TRY to spend as little time with their child as possible. It is common in this business. And their usual excuse is "well, I am paying for it..." And that is fine, just as what you do with your child is fine. We are human and most of us are parents and many of us got in this business to stay home with our children, so we know that people need us so they can work. But I agree with the OP, I will never understand leaving your child with someone else so you can go home and sleep or watch tv or go do things they would ove to do with you. Just MY OPINION and I have a right to it, just as you have a right to do with your child as you see fit.

actually, I understand being bugged with about 95% of what parents do. I get it, really. (I was a nanny, remember? parents do the dumbest things sometimes, and the concequences are often blamed on the provider.) and I have learned quite a bit from reading the posts here and had a few lightbulb-goes-on moments.
probably, this is the first thing that I don't get. we are all adults, and we make decisions based on what we got on hand. if a provider decided to stay open on a federal holiday, and a parent decided to bring a child, then I don't really see a conflict here (well, yeah, given the parent pays on time, and the child is not sick as a dog, and drop off and pick up times are appropriate. I cannot believe I have to add this).
and I, too, don't get staying home to watch TV or denying a child an activity s/he would enjoy with a parent (again, sleeping is another issue, and having had my share of sleep deprivation, I can't bring myself to blame a parent for wanting to take a nap when child is not around. happy mother picking up from daycare is way better than a zombie for a Mom all day. ask my daughter).

[Blackcat31]

Yet, if a parent has signed a contractual obligation to only bring their child during work hours they should adhere to it.


At the end of the day, it’s a business. Providers and parents should enter into contracts that works for both of them.

Agree 1000% with both these statements.

This entire issue/situation is something that should be discussed (as deeply as necessary) during the interview.

If I have a parent that is bound by the law (such as those that participate with the state assistance program) to only use care when at work then that parent can use child care ONLY when they are working.

If they are not bound by any rules such as the example I mentioned above then I do not dictate when they can and/or can't use services.

Otherwise, I am fairly picky about the types of families I enroll.

I also don't think it's a guarantee that just because a provider thinks the parent should spend their day off with the child that the parent actually does. If a parent really doesn't want to, they won't.

I do only what works for me and my program. What others do, is up to them. But the bottom line is that we all do what ever we need to do to make ourselves happy. If caring for a child who has a parent off work upsets you then do not provide services on that day.

Like many other controversial topics, it really is that simple.

[Mad_Pistachio]

I do remember one who asked if I could work on New Years Day. When I said No, she was visibly disappointed saying "Oh no, then I can't get drunk on New Year's Eve." I was not sympathetic.

oh, crap. sorry.
I like spending the New Year's night with my family (all of it). we were up until 3 am last time (mostly because the kiddo had a badly runny nose and couldn't sleep). it turned out to be quite a blast, if I say so myself.

I now get the frustration. we parents do stupid things. a lot.

[Mad_Pistachio]

If I have a parent that is bound by the law (such as those that participate with the state assistance program) to only use care when at work then that parent can use child care ONLY when they are working.

live and learn. I had no idea such thing even existed.

[Thriftylady]

oh, crap. sorry.
I like spending the New Year's night with my family (all of it). we were up until 3 am last time (mostly because the kiddo had a badly runny nose and couldn't sleep). it turned out to be quite a blast, if I say so myself.

I now get the frustration. we parents do stupid things. a lot.

Quite a few years ago, I had a child whose parents were not together. They never could get straight who was going to pick him up. One day I started calling dad (who child lived with) and couldn't get a hold of him on his cell. So I started calling mom, grandma, every number I had because it was past closing. Come to find out, dad had went to the bar after work for a beer, and by 7 PM was still there.

That is why we get irritated, it isn't the parent who wants an occasional day off to themselves that is an issue for me. For me it is the parents who just flat out don't want to be responsible and care for the children they CHOOSE to have. I get everyone needs a day to rest, but parents need to remember that their childcare provider could use a break once in awhile also. The parents who do realize that are not the ones we complain about. Also for home providers, it is much different than in a center. If I work in a center I probably get a break during the day, as in in home I don't. I work from first arrival to last pick up. I also can't just take a day off when I want to, there is no other teacher to cover for me.

[TXhomedaycare]

This is primarily a daycare provider site, so we can come here and vent about things parents do that bug us. She is well within her right to state an opinion. If you want to drop your kid off at daycare when you are not working, then by all means. And she can judge you for it or have an opinion on it. And honestly, most of us don't care what parents do when they leave their children with us, but we do recognize the parents who continually do it and who actively TRY to spend as little time with their child as possible. It is common in this business. And their usual excuse is "well, I am paying for it..." And that is fine, just as what you do with your child is fine. We are human and most of us are parents and many of us got in this business to stay home with our children, so we know that people need us so they can work. But I agree with the OP, I will never understand leaving your child with someone else so you can go home and sleep or watch tv or go do things they would ove to do with you. Just MY OPINION and I have a right to it, just as you have a right to do with your child as you see fit.

Amen
Before I was a provider my youngest was in a center and if I got off early I picked him up early or if I was off he was off. I felt sorry for the kids that I knew were at the center all day not matter the reason. I also always felt terrible leaving my son in care but I don't think I am the average mom. I truly take responsibility for everything I do or am given . Since I was blessed with kids I feel it is my responsibility to raise them and be with them. After having my second child and only having 6 weeks maternity leave I quit my job after 2 months and opened my home daycare so that I could be home with my kids. I know everyone has different circumstances but if you want to be with your child you will find a way just like if you don't want to be with them. I feel parents have come up with a grand list of excuses of why putting their child in care is better than spending time with them to make themselves feel comfortable with their decision (I pay for it, they need to be with kids their age). I don't understand why parents don't want to be with their kids because I am hard wired a different way and I fought, sacrificed and was desperate to be with mine.

[Play Care]

Agree 1000% with both these statements.

This entire issue/situation is something that should be discussed (as deeply as necessary) during the interview.

If I have a parent that is bound by the law (such as those that participate with the state assistance program) to only use care when at work then that parent can use child care ONLY when they are working.

If they are not bound by any rules such as the example I mentioned above then I do not dictate when they can and/or can't use services.

Otherwise, I am fairly picky about the types of families I enroll.

I also don't think it's a guarantee that just because a provider thinks the parent should spend their day off with the child that the parent actually does. If a parent really doesn't want to, they won't.

I do only what works for me and my program. What others do, is up to them. But the bottom line is that we all do what ever we need to do to make ourselves happy. If caring for a child who has a parent off work upsets you then do not provide services on that day.

Like many other controversial topics, it really is that simple.

For the most part I'm pretty clear that what a parent does when I am working and they drop their kid off doesn't matter to me. But this is an attitude that came about well after I started providing care. Because back in the day, I had parents lying about having to work in order for me to stay open on holidays. I didn't take time off because I wanted to be as reliable as possible, I didn't charge for when I had to close because I worried parents would think it was "unfair"

Once I started closing when I wanted/needed to be closed, getting paid regardless, etc I started not caring about what parents did.
And as a parent I do get it - DH and I have taken personal days when our kids had school and had "dates" And there was a time when my older DD was 3 that I would have given my right arm to ship her off for a day (or two :: )

But today, my whole family is home (DH is a teacher, schools are all closed) and we are enjoying a bonus family day happyface lovethis

And all this being said - the OP said she reminded the parents that she would not be avalible for care. And I think she has the right to be annoyed that her contract was questioned ("I know it says no, but can we do it anyway?" )

[Unregistered]

are you absolutely sure they were home enjoying themselves? doctors' offices are often open (checkups, vaccinations, flu shots, who knows what else). or they needed to buy something for older kiddos. no, I understand that the youngster could be left with one of the parents since both are off, but what if that other parent needed to do something around the house or something?

we are all quick to judge others' decisions. truth is, we don't know.

For me, it has nothing to do with "I could have the day off if dck weren't here" or "how are parents choosing to spend their day off without child". It's just that I feel bad for kids whose parents don't seem to want to spend time with them when given the chance to have that extra opportunity. I have be told by dcp, dck has not gone on family outings to the zoo, amusement parks, long weekend getaways, and was not a part of a big family vacation, because it's too much of a hassle to include him. Instead, dck has been with me for the day/week while they take off to do these things with their older kids. Being a childcare provider and parent, this just breaks my heart. I can't imagine excluding one of my children from family plans. Of course, I realize there are certain things that older children can do that younger ones can't, but then it should be made a point to come up with things to do that include the entire family. I understand that he is young, but he IS part of the family.

On the other hand, it is refreshing to have parents who want to come pick up their children early or simply take a day off of work to keep their kids home to spend extra time with them. Afterall, children grow quickly and once they are grown, you can never get that time back.

[NeedaVaca]

Parent's perspective:
I am off. my DH is off. our daughter is in daycare.
we have people come clean the furnace today, and it may take a while. I have online classes, and need to study. what my DH is going to do, I've no idea, but he's active enough to find something (he's doing dishes, and it's not even 9 am yet).
here is the thing: I pay my daycare, on time, every week, no questions asked. they are open 6am to 6pm, and I am never late (actually, my go-to pickup time is 4pm), and she is never dropped off earlier than 8am because we all need our beauty sleep. I have never brought her with a fever drugged with Motrin, or any of the crazy stuff parents do, whether out of desperation or because they don't care.
what I do when she is in their care is not their business.
and you know, I tried getting a haircut with a child in tow. never again. I will do that when she is in the care of a teacher she loves.
for thousands of years, people have lived in huge families: 3-5 generations pretty much under the same roof. women would have children and go back to the field next morning.
my parents live far away and work. my DH's Dad died 5 years ago. both his mother and sister are an ocean away, and his stepmother is not to be trusted with little (or big) children. and... that's it. we are on our own, this is why we have this amazing daycare (I will be deeply depressed when she goes to school, I love it this much).
will I go get her if the daycare calls and asks me to? oh, you bet! it may take a few minutes to get there, but I will have to problems doing it. I often get her out early just so we can go to the playground, have a snack together, or shoe shopping. otherwise, she is there 8 to 4 (give or take traffic), and I am not answering to anyone about how I spend this time, be it studying, sleeping, getting a haircut, or taking a cat to the vet. I pay, I drop off/pick up, I follow the rules - you ask no questions about my pastime. after all, I am not asking you what you do when you are closed.

live and let live.
or close for the holidays you want to be closed for.

The OP stated that her contract is for working hours only. If the parents signed the contract they need to follow the policy. If the parent doesn't agree with the policy they should find a different provider.

[Josiegirl]

I do understand why some parents will bring their children to daycare whether they are working or not and I don't begrudge them that. I really don't understand it though. I guess I just felt differently when my kids were little. I really enjoyed spending time with them, even if it was just hanging around the house or running errands.

Most of the time I don't give a hoot if they bring their child or not. Clearly some kids, though, are missing their mom or dad and know they're home. Plus I look at it from this angle...kids grow up so fast and you'll never be able to recapture all that lost time. Take it from someone whose 9 month old baby boy died many years ago and whose 3 other babies are now grown and gone. You will never ever get those moments back.

[Blackcat31]

Another good thread with some really good input

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45222&highlight=vacation+kids

[Nisaryn]

now, note that I am not talking about bringing a clearly injured child to the daycare. or neglecting a child altogether by plopping him/her at the center for the whole day, just so the parent can be left alone. (why have children at all, then?.. it's a rhetorical question, and needs not be answered.) what I am talking about is the center being open, and me being in my own right as a parent to decide, in a Shakespearean manner, to drop or not to drop when I am off myself. everything else is BS and not worth discussing.

I often see here this phrase, "your daycare, your rules." this is your business, with your rules (as it should be). you don't want parents dropping children off on a particular day/time? good. close. parents are creative, and if they need care when you are closed, they'll find a solution.

but butting into who does what when you are open is, at best, unprofessional (and gossipy at worst).

Well said. This is my perspective exactly! I am open 6am to 6pm and whatever parents do during that time is THEIR business not mine. They pay me to be open and care for their kids...not to care about what they do all day. I was open today because even though I am a veteran and my hubby is Navy...he is deployed right now and so doesn't get the day off anyway...and if they did? I don't care! All of my current families are civilian and DONT get the day off...it just felt weird to be closed in the middle of the week and my hubby not even being here.

[daycarediva]

I have a family with DCM being a teacher. It was a non-school day so she was off along with DCD who took the day off. Their two older SA kids stayed home with them and they still brought the toddler to daycare. The kicker for me was, dcb was the only child in my care that day and they were aware of this! It just made me so sad that they would rather bring him to spend the entire day with ONLY me (no other kids), when the rest of his family was at home spending the day together.

This bothered me so much I made a policy on it. If sibling is home, so is other sibling. I had one family who would pick up the girl and leave the boy. They said it was for 1:1 time. COOL. They NEVER took boy and left girl though. They always TOLD girl they were doing something fun- boy was devastated every time. I spoke to parents. Didn't help. Changed my policies. They just stopped picking up to do fun things. I can't MAKE parents want to spend time with their children. Funny thing though- boy was a doll, girl was a snot most of the time.

I really interview and weed out non parenting parents. That being said, I have a full house today and my parents are mostly off of work. They RARELY do this, but I don't have a working stipulation- I have had SAHM children enrolled before. Some have dentist and drs appts, some are deep cleaning their house, one has a car repair appt, one is christmas shopping.

*shrug* doesn't bother me- or I would have a policy about it.

[Ariana]

I only provide part time care so I am very used to parents dropping kids off for some "me time"! Most of my clients are SAHM's or WAHM or matt leave moms. I think being at home with your child 24/7 warrants some "me time" but when you are at work all day you should want to see and be with your kids. This is why I am always closed on holidays and I take a lot of vacation. This year I am taking care of 3 kids and 2 of them are teachers kids. I knew that if I didn't take the whole 2 weeks off over Christmas to coincide with their vacation I would need to be open for care. So I just took it off.

You have to do what works for you. It is definitely unfortunate that so many children spend 10 or more hours a day in care with a "stranger" and that their parents want nothing to do with them but in the end there is not a thing you can do to prevent it from happening. I guess my view now is that at least they are not around their parents who don't want to be around them and they are in a place where they are being cared for. Give those kids the extra hugs, they really need it.

[daycarediva]

I only provide part time care so I am very used to parents dropping kids off for some "me time"! Most of my clients are SAHM's or WAHM or matt leave moms. I think being at home with your child 24/7 warrants some "me time" but when you are at work all day you should want to see and be with your kids. This is why I am always closed on holidays and I take a lot of vacation. This year I am taking care of 3 kids and 2 of them are teachers kids. I knew that if I didn't take the whole 2 weeks off over Christmas to coincide with their vacation I would need to be open for care. So I just took it off.

You have to do what works for you. It is definitely unfortunate that so many children spend 10 or more hours a day in care with a "stranger" and that their parents want nothing to do with them but in the end there is not a thing you can do to prevent it from happening. I guess my view now is that at least they are not around their parents who don't want to be around them and they are in a place where they are being cared for. Give those kids the extra hugs, they really need it.

Not to be argumentative at all, but why doesn't a working Mom deserve 'me' time? Being a working Mom is MUCH more difficult and stressful than being a SAHM, imho. I get "me" fairly often (weekly or biweekly) don't feel bad about it at all, either.