Would You Have Said Something?

[spedmommy4]

Dcb3 and dcg2 have been with me for about 5 months. They are mostly good here but are tiny terrors at home. They typically engage in minor behaviors at pick up but the behaviors are not disruptive so I don't get involved.

Today, I was very alarmed by dcb's behavior and, if it happens again, I would like to know how others would handle this.

At pick up, dcb asked his mom if his milk was in the car. She said, "no sorry dcb, I forgot to bring it today." They went back and forth about the milk for a minute and then the boy slapped her across the face.

Dcm didn't address the slap. She just continued to apologize for forgetting the milk. At that point, I wanted to step in. I am not okay with dcb being allowed to hit adults but I was so dumbfounded by the whole situation.

I did step in to rescue dcm by calming dcb down so they could leave without him completely melting down. I really wanted to get down at his level and tell that kid never to lay a hand on his mom again.

Anyone ever experience a situation like this? How did you handle it?

[laundrymom]

"Stop!dcb !!
I won't let you hit ANYONE here. You will sit in time out while I talk to your mommy"
Then grab him. Put him on a spot and return to mom. Hugging her and whispering to her
"Be strong mom. And this won't happen again"

Then go to boy.
"You will NOT hit ANYONE here. Go home. I will see you tomorrow"
And walk him to his mom.
Be the adult for both of you.

[Josiegirl]

Yes, something should have been said; if not by dcm then you. Does she not usually speak up to him or is she a believer in ignoring the bad, praising the good? I find sometimes people go too far in ignoring the bad, thinking it'll just blow over and kids won't do it again. Dcm will become a doormat for her child if she allows stuff like that to happen. And it is your home so you still have a right to speak up. Maybe it's not too late to discuss the matter with dcm so that you're both on the same page the next time it happens?

[DaveA]

Yes I would have said something then to DCK. I agree with talking with DCM so that if/ when something like that happens again you will both be on the same page.

[Fiddlesticks]

Yes, I would have put him in time out for breaking the rule of no hitting in my home. Once upon a time, I did not discipline the daycare children when their parents were present, but somewhere along the line it became necessary because otherwise the children went hog wild while the parents just stood there helplessly. I have told children multiple time, "We don't _________ in this house, you sit here (time out spot) and think about it for a minute." Always the parents say, "We don't do that at our house either." And I think, yeah, right…. But regardless, I have stopped allowing abhorrent behavior just because of the parent's presence. And for the most part, the children have stopped behaving abhorrently just because their parents are here.

[Blackcat31]

Like others, I would definitely have said something FOR SURE!

However, unlike others I would not have said anything to DCB nor would I have engaged in any type of discipline. That is not my place to do when a parent is present.

I would have said to the parent that I don't allow children to be physically aggressive with adults on my property and that if she allowed it to happen again, I would need to terminate care.

I FULLY expect parents to parent while they are here. What they do at home is their business. But while on my property, they are expected to support my policies in their entirety. This is discussed in depth during interviews so my parents are fully aware of my expectations.


@Spedmommy If I were you, I'd find a time you can talk to daycare mom and let her know that she can parent in whatever way she chooses but that you will under no circumstances allow DCB to hit her when she is in your home or on your property. Its simply not okay. You aren't going to change how she parents her child but you can control how she parents on your property.

[daycare]

I agree with all of the others as well. I would be telling her that it is never a time when it is ok to hit or hurt anyone. I don't get why parents ignore this kind of behavior. This child needs to learn the word NO and don't hurt anything.


My other main point would be that the other children will see his behavior and the parent not give a consequence for it. Monkey see, monkey do, and the other kids will do it to their parents too. Unfortunately, children copy what they see both good and bad and I can't have that taking place in my home.


I would have made child sit and time out and made dcm stand outside. When dcb time out was done I would have taken him to mom and tell her sorry this is never ok and it won't happen again.
I want the other kids that are still present to see me correct the situation and let everyone know that it is NOT ok.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I had this happen. Dcg slapped mom for no reason, just because we were talking and she wasn't getting 100% attention on her

I said, "No, No Dcg! We do not hit people! We use soft hands!"

She started crying and of course her mom hugged her and acted like I was the bad guy. It is funny, because it made me want to smack mom too

[Unregistered]

I have!
I told the dck that they are not allowed to treat others like XX. I used the excuse that they needed to follow all the daycare rules while on daycare property so I didn't feel like I was stepping over my bounds.
I wonder how all these kids are going to be as adults.... I wonder if they're going to be abusive to their spouses.

[daycare]

I have!
I told the dck that they are not allowed to treat others like XX. I used the excuse that they needed to follow all the daycare rules while on daycare property so I didn't feel like I was stepping over my bounds.
I wonder how all these kids are going to be as adults.... I wonder if they're going to be abusive to their spouses.

I thought that too. Someone told me that your son will treat his wife like he treated his mother. So makes me wonder what is to come of them when they are adults and take a wife.

[Blackcat31]

I want the other kids that are still present to see me correct the situation and let everyone know that it is NOT ok.

My DCK's already know that I don't allow that type of behavior in my home so I don't need to show them I can parent someone else's child when the parent is standing right there.

I want parents to be their child's first and most important teacher.

I am here only to support them.




If I were the parent in this situation, I would have disciplined my child for hitting me but if I had chosen not to, I would be livid if a provider tried to discipline my child for me while I was right there without first talking to me.

I would have handled it my way and only expected or been okay with my provider trying to step in IF it were something that repeatedly happened at pick up. If it were only a one time thing like OP said, I would expect my provider to talk to me FIRST before overstepping boundaries.

[daycare]

My DCK's already know that I don't allow that type of behavior in my home so I don't need to show them I can parent someone else's child when the parent is standing right there.

I want parents to be their child's first and most important teacher.

I am here only to support them.




If I were the parent in this situation, I would have disciplined my child for hitting me but if I had chosen not to, I would be livid if a provider tried to discipline my child for me while I was right there without first talking to me.

I would have handled it my way and only expected or been okay with my provider trying to step in IF it were something that repeatedly happened at pick up. If it were only a one time thing like OP said, I would expect my provider to talk to me FIRST before overstepping boundaries.

so if the parent doesn't parent their child when there you don't do anything?

I guess for me, I need that consistency every time. If hitting is allowed and my rule is you hit you sit, then that is what has to happen every time and all of my parents know this. so if they don't do it, I will. There can never be a time when this consequence does not occur and again my parents know this. They know this when they sign up with me that if they don't say something, I will.

I punish the parents too for not doing their job when they are here in my home. If they hit they sit and the parent waits outside. Bottom line, don't let it happen here.

I will allow for a parent to choose to handle it their way, but something must be done about it period.

[Blackcat31]

so if the parent doesn't parent their child when there you don't do anything?

I guess for me, I need that consistency every time. If hitting is allowed and my rule is you hit you sit, then that is what has to happen every time and all of my parents know this. so if they don't do it, I will. There can never be a time when this consequence does not occur and again my parents know this. They know this when they sign up with me that if they don't say something, I will.

I punish the parents too for not doing their job when they are here in my home. If they hit they sit and the parent waits outside. Bottom line, don't let it happen here.

I will allow for a parent to choose to handle it their way, but something must be done about it period.

Nope. It's not my place to parent when the parent is present.

Once a parent arrives, their child is sent out to the cubby/coat room. The second they walk over that thresh hold, they are the parents responsibility to control/manage.

This is something that is discussed in depth during the interview so parents are FULLY aware of what I expect them to do in these situations.

Trying to make a child sit in time out after their parent has arrived would cause more chaos and disruption for everyone that it is not at all something I would ever consider getting into.

I also feel very strongly that parents are their child's first and most important teacher so it is vital they be allowed to do that. It might be difficult for some parents, especially those that are new to it but it's something they need to learn in order to be the best parent they can be for their child...and they'll need that skill as their child navigates childhood through high school.

If parents need resources on how to manage it or need support, I am their gal but I wont do it for them. The cornerstone to my program is that parents have specific responsibilities and so do I. I wont parent a child.

I will support a parent in parenting but I won't do their job.

If a child hits when they are in my care and I am the one in charge, I'll discipline for it but not when the parent is present. It's just not my job and it's not one I will assume either.

As a provider I would talk privately with the parent in regards to my feelings about a child hitting an adult and ask them to not allow it to happen again. If they did, I'd term for not being a good fit. But first I'd give the parent a chance to be the parent before just stepping in.

.....and from a parent perspective like I said earlier, if my child care provider told me I had to go stand on the steps outside while she disciplined my child, I'd pull my child out of that program that very minute.

[daycare]

Nope. It's not my place to parent when the parent is present.

Once a parent arrives, their child is sent out to the cubby/coat room. The second they walk over that thresh hold, they are the parents responsibility to control/manage.

This is something that is discussed in depth during the interview so parents are FULLY aware of what I expect them to do in these situations.

Trying to make a child sit in time out after their parent has arrived would cause more chaos and disruption for everyone that it is not at all something I would ever consider getting into.

I also feel very strongly that parents are their child's first and most important teacher so it is vital they be allowed to do that. It might be difficult for some parents, especially those that are new to it but it's something they need to learn in order to be the best parent they can be for their child...and they'll need that skill as their child navigates childhood through high school.

If parents need resources on how to manage it or need support, I am their gal but I wont do it for them. The cornerstone to my program is that parents have specific responsibilities and so do I. I wont parent a child.

I will support a parent in parenting but I won't do their job.

If a child hits when they are in my care and I am the one in charge, I'll discipline for it but not when the parent is present. It's just not my job and it's not one I will assume either.

As a provider I would talk privately with the parent in regards to my feelings about a child hitting an adult and ask them to not allow it to happen again. If they did, I'd term for not being a good fit. But first I'd give the parent a chance to be the parent before just stepping in.

.....and from a parent perspective like I said earlier, if my child care provider told me I had to go stand on the steps outside while she disciplined my child, I'd pull my child out of that program that very minute.

I can see your point and I we all work differently within our program after we find what works for us.

My parents are told at the time they enroll my expectations of them and their child. if they don't follow my rules and parent their child I will. SO they sign up knowing this and agree to it at that time. So if someone is not ok with me jumping in to have to do their job,then don't enroll your child with me. I am not overstepping any boundaries.

I can't make anyone do anything, but if someone fails to do THEIR job, I will have no problem doing it for them.

I can see this happening.

kid smacks mom across the face, DCM says nothing nor do I. All of the other kids in care see it happen. knowing my kids I bet you I have another child do it to their parent because they saw joey do it to theirs with no consequence.

[daycare]

so if a kid is going nuts in your home, banging and crashing things or just being out of the control you don't say anything to the child?