Charging more for Accidents?

[Unregistered]

I know I might get some flack for this but I am really at my wits end...DCB 5 comes a few days a week after school. His dad has requested that he naps in the afternoon because they don't get picked up until 8 and live 20 minutes from the dc so he has been falling asleep during school. Anyway, he has had an accident everyday he has been here, for weeks. Sometimes at nap, the other day we were driving home from school and he had an accident. Did not even tell me he had to go. I am so over cleaning up and changing a 5 year old. He doesn't have his own extra set of clothes so I have to provide something. Today I sent a text to dad telling him he must bring extra clothes next time he is here. He responds with OK sorry.
Well I am livid. Would anyone consider charging more for someone who has frequent accidents? Like charge the infant rate instead of the 2 plus rate?

[daycare]

I know I might get some flack for this but I am really at my wits end...DCB 5 comes a few days a week after school. His dad has requested that he naps in the afternoon because they don't get picked up until 8 and live 20 minutes from the dc so he has been falling asleep during school. Anyway, he has had an accident everyday he has been here, for weeks. Sometimes at nap, the other day we were driving home from school and he had an accident. Did not even tell me he had to go. I am so over cleaning up and changing a 5 year old. He doesn't have his own extra set of clothes so I have to provide something. Today I sent a text to dad telling him he must bring extra clothes next time he is here. He responds with OK sorry.
Well I am livid. Would anyone consider charging more for someone who has frequent accidents? Like charge the infant rate instead of the 2 plus rate?

i would put the kid in a pull up and leave it at that.

so why is the kid not having accidents at school.. what different is happening?

is it only number 2 or number 1 as well?

I would put the child back at the unpotty trained rate if you have rates that way.

[midaycare]

This would have been my ds at that age. Anything that made him nervous made him have accidents. Until he was 7. But he still has a nervous bladder.

DS was fully potty trained and checked out by the area's best urologist, and I took him to a counselor. I did what I could.

If this dcb has issues like my ds (and I don't know from the little you posted), don't make a big deal out of it, because then it will only happen more often.

[Play Care]

I had this happen with an SA DC girl several years ago and a DC boy last year. It's frustrating because unlike with the little ones, you don't expect it and usually are not prepared for it when it's an SA kid.
What I did was make sure the child used the bathroom as soon as they got here. No excuses, etc. that usually helped. If I was the one picking them up from school I would send them to the bathroom before we left to go home.
I don't clean any SA kids up, the only thing I'll do is hold the bag open for them to put soiled clothing in.

But I would get on the parent - sending extra clothing, making sure things are okay at school (my one SA boy was being bullied at school which was causing the issues, once it was addressed he was fine) that their health is good (no bladder infections, constipation, etc. Make it their problem.

I wouldn't charge extra but it would be something I'd term for if the parents didn't work to end the issue.

[daycare]

sorry I just realized this is a school age kid. I thought for some reason i read preschool

I do agree with the others. I would talk to btw teacher and let her know this issue is taking place and ask if he can use the restroom before leaving. If you have time you can also offer the restroom to him before you leave school too. once you get home bathroom again.

I have never had a kinder kid do this before, but I have only ever had 3 in my 12.5 years of doing daycare.

Clearing with the kids doctor would be a good idea too.

[littletots]

Could be stress (home, school, friends), dehydrated, needs more fiber (veggies). Sometimes these things cause children to not be able to read their body signals. I wouldn't make big deal, or put him in pull up. It might shame him. How about lining car (where he sits) with disposal pad?

[laundrymom]

Are we talking pee? Or poo?
I would most definitely have him potty prior to the drive home. You said he needed a nap.... Is he maybe so tired after school that the drive relaxes him enough to not realize he's going? As far as the mess, I would have him sit on a couple microfiber towels, and have a square of fleece between them and the seat. If anyone says anything in the car about Bobby having a pad, just tell them his seat isn't cushy enough. I don't think the extra 1/6 inch of fabric would effect the safety of his booster at all. But I could be wrong.
As for dad, simple. No extra clothes, no care. Period. Also, pull-ups or diapers for nap. Daily. Unless he wants to give you cash to buy them yourself plus an inconvenience fee. I mean, it's not his car he's messing in. He's not worrying about it nearly as much as you do.
As for the boy.
That poor guy.
I would sit down and have a private talk w him.
I would say something about how lots of kids in school have the same thing happening. That you know a lot more kids than he does and you have really good friends who take care of kids too, and all of them know someone who this happens to.
Ask if he has any ideas that might work.
Tell him you know it's not fun to have accidents and that you and he will figure it out. That together you can fix things to keep him dry.
Come up with a term, like,
Today at school I saw a big pitcher of juice.
Or something like that, to signal that he has had, or that he's afraid he will have an accident.
For nap I would require a pull-up or diaper but not everyone needs to know.
He can discretely wear it.
I imagine he's ashamed and that why he's not telling.
Maybe he's shamed at home for it.
Even a simple comment like "I can't believe he's still wetting the bed" by a family member could shame him. Even if it wasn't meant mean. And just part of normal conversation.
I feel for you. I do. And for him.
Sending love and prayers that he gets through this fast.

[Rockgirl]

At 5, he can clean and change himself. Definitely send him to the bathroom regularly instead of waiting for him to say something. The accidents while sleeping may be completely out of his control....my ds wet the bed way longer than most. His dr ended up prescribing a nasal spray that helped.

[childcaremom]

Are we talking pee? Or poo?
I would most definitely have him potty prior to the drive home. You said he needed a nap.... Is he maybe so tired after school that the drive relaxes him enough to not realize he's going? As far as the mess, I would have him sit on a couple microfiber towels, and have a square of fleece between them and the seat. If anyone says anything in the car about Bobby having a pad, just tell them his seat isn't cushy enough. I don't think the extra 1/6 inch of fabric would effect the safety of his booster at all. But I could be wrong.
As for dad, simple. No extra clothes, no care. Period. Also, pull-ups or diapers for nap. Daily. Unless he wants to give you cash to buy them yourself plus an inconvenience fee. I mean, it's not his car he's messing in. He's not worrying about it nearly as much as you do.
As for the boy.
That poor guy.
I would sit down and have a private talk w him.
I would say something about how lots of kids in school have the same thing happening. That you know a lot more kids than he does and you have really good friends who take care of kids too, and all of them know someone who this happens to.
Ask if he has any ideas that might work.
Tell him you know it's not fun to have accidents and that you and he will figure it out. That together you can fix things to keep him dry.
Come up with a term, like,
Today at school I saw a big pitcher of juice.
Or something like that, to signal that he has had, or that he's afraid he will have an accident.
For nap I would require a pull-up or diaper but not everyone needs to know.
He can discretely wear it.
I imagine he's ashamed and that why he's not telling.
Maybe he's shamed at home for it.
Even a simple comment like "I can't believe he's still wetting the bed" by a family member could shame him. Even if it wasn't meant mean. And just part of normal conversation.
I feel for you. I do. And for him.
Sending love and prayers that he gets through this fast.

My daughter had this happen when she first started school. It was occasional, not all the time. She was scared to use the bathrooms at school and would try to hold it.

I agree to have a chat with him and see if he can explain it.

All good ideas above.

[Ariana]

My friends DS went through this until he got diagnosed with a parasite. It was really sad because he would poop his pants in school and then try to hide it as he was very embarassed My friend dealt with this for years taking him to every dr she knew and having him checked by a psychologist.

The best thing you can do is not shame the child (not saying you are doing this). He likely has no control over it. I would agree that perhaps asking him if he needs a pull-up or perhaps asking the teacher to get him to go before pickup might help. Some kids are so nervous at school because of chaos and possibly bullying that they aren't relaxed enough to go.

Love Laundrymoms advice

Hang in there :hug: