new kid issues

[Leigh]

New DCB. 4.5. He's a hitter.

This kid is quite intelligent, but he hits and then lies about it, SWEARING that he didn't do it. We do time-out for hitting here, he'd rather sit there all day than admit that he hit someone. After a minute or two in time-out, I talk to him and tell him that when he's ready to talk about what happened, we'll talk and time-out is done. He just looks away from me and denies that he did it.

Isn't 4.5 old enough to take some responsibility for his actions? Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but I ask him to tell me what happened and what we can do differently next time we get mad. He refuses. Then I make suggestions and he reluctantly agrees.

Any suggestions on stopping this hitting? It's only his 3rd time here, and he's a pleasant kid when he knows I am watching. It's when he thinks I am not paying attention that I see the meanness come out. He's really kind of a bully with the other kids.

[Play Care]

i think it's pretty common for kids that age to lie about it and insist they didn't do it

He wouldn't be out of my sight. Whenever I had to do anything that took my eyes off him he'd be sitting at the table. And at this age a "when you can keep hands to self, then you can play with the other kids" is my line.

[Snowmom]

Maybe change the consequence?
If time out doesn't phase him, then find something that does.
Is there an activity he really likes to do during the day? Make him earn it.

"Have a good day with good behavior and you can do XXXX at play time".

To some kids Time Out is the end of the world, and to some it's no big deal.
My advice would be to FIND the big deal to those kids.

Good Luck!

[daycarediva]

He would be my shadow. I would have him within arms reach at all times. If that means everyone gets to dance during lunch prep and he sits with a puzzle in the kitchen, he may rethink his choices.

I would also find something SUPER fun to set up for the kids whenever he sat in time out for hitting.

[Unregistered]

He would be my shadow. I would have him within arms reach at all times. If that means everyone gets to dance during lunch prep and he sits with a puzzle in the kitchen, he may rethink his choices.

I would also find something SUPER fun to set up for the kids whenever he sat in time out for hitting.

Ditto! Find his button!

[Leigh]

Thanks, ladies! He's been with me, told him he can't play away from me until he decides he's done hitting (it happened again after my first post). He's not happy to have to be playing with the babies in front of me while the other boys his age are in the playroom.

[Ariana]

I am VERY stern with kids who hit. Most kids, the first time I get mad they stop and I never see the behavior again. They never see me mad so it scares the crap outta them :: I did have one kid though that didn't flinch when I got mad. I ended up terming her for hitting and various other things that were going really wrong.

I don't know 4.5 seems to be a very odd age for this to still be happening. I know most are against rewards but punishment and time outs aren't helping so why not do the opposite. Set up a sticker chart for "kindness" and when you catch him being kind give a sticker, if he hits a sticker gets taken away. Then after so many stickers he gets some sort of "reward". I know that kids should intrinsically be motivated to not hit but obviously this kid is wired differently. When I worked at a centre I had a group of kids that I was working with to get rid of bullying behavior. I set up a kindness chart and whenever I would catch kids being kind I would heap on the praise and explain how helping made that other kid feel or how it helped the other child. "I really liked how you helped John when he fell down, I bet that made john feel good to know that somebody cares about him" type of thing. Then at circle time I would relay the kind acts to the other kids and really heap on the "way to go's". Bullying literally stopped in just 2 weeks and kids were going out of their way to be kind to each other.

[Unregistered]

I am VERY stern with kids who hit. Most kids, the first time I get mad they stop and I never see the behavior again. They never see me mad so it scares the crap outta them :: I did have one kid though that didn't flinch when I got mad. I ended up terming her for hitting and various other things that were going really wrong.

I don't know 4.5 seems to be a very odd age for this to still be happening. I know most are against rewards but punishment and time outs aren't helping so why not do the opposite. Set up a sticker chart for "kindness" and when you catch him being kind give a sticker, if he hits a sticker gets taken away. Then after so many stickers he gets some sort of "reward". I know that kids should intrinsically be motivated to not hit but obviously this kid is wired differently. When I worked at a centre I had a group of kids that I was working with to get rid of bullying behavior. I set up a kindness chart and whenever I would catch kids being kind I would heap on the praise and explain how helping made that other kid feel or how it helped the other child. "I really liked how you helped John when he fell down, I bet that made john feel good to know that somebody cares about him" type of thing. Then at circle time I would relay the kind acts to the other kids and really heap on the "way to go's". Bullying literally stopped in just 2 weeks and kids were going out of their way to be kind to each other.

While this is helpful in the foreseeable future, it will eventually send the wrong message. Coming from someone who has a degree in and has studied child psychology and behavior for years, this is not how we want to teach the future generations to behave. Rewards for acceptable and REQUIRED behavior will create a problem on its own.
I would suggest talking through the day about kindness and respecting others. How to react when we're mad/sad/upset etc. maybe get rid of time out because it doesn't seem to be helping anyway. Or have him sit and watch the other children having fun, let him know that is the behavior that is allowed in daycare. Look at it from a positive teaching stand point versus covering up the problem.

[Unregistered]

When they are old enough and time out dont work its like they are just relaxing/chillin in a chair.this make sound harsh but when really necessary I stand them in the corner oh boy does that work.ive always been against it, but when time out didn't work and I ask some parents what they did and what work at home and they say( I stand him/her in the corner!) and when i tryed that since they suggested it worked only took a couple times.

[Play Care]

Thanks, ladies! He's been with me, told him he can't play away from me until he decides he's done hitting (it happened again after my first post). He's not happy to have to be playing with the babies in front of me while the other boys his age are in the playroom.

[daycare]

my motto. people who don't listen don't have any fun. this holds true for children and adults alike

I would have this kid sitting in a hula hoop watching us have the most fun ever. I might even go out of my way to maybe even do something so much fun that it caused the rest of the kids to spit with laughter.

If the child asked to join in, I would say, I am sorry kids who don't listen don't have any fun.

perhaps I am mean. But if there is one thing I have zero tolerance for is physical harm from anyone. Of course I wouldn't do this with a younger child.