Days Like This I Wish I DIDN'T Do Daycare!!

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

And it's mainly my own disrespectful teen and pre-teen girls!

This is so petty...I have two 30" bar stools at an island table in my kitchen...almost every morning they fight over who is going to sit in them....when daycare girl didn't get the seat, she said she just wasn't going to eat. So I had to yell at my own 2 girls (ages 13 1/2 and 11) for being disrespectful and not willing to share (mostly my 13 1/2 year old) and then the daycare girl for playing the "poor me" roll when she couldn't have that chair, while I have 6 other chairs at my dining table that is also in the kitchen. This is a daily battle and it's so petty!

I get so frustrated, these girls act worse than the smaller kids at times...then my oldest girl gets so disrespectful I can't put up with it! I don't raise her that way yet she wants to be rude and says things that hurts the daycare girl's feelings. Makes me want to give this all up and not deal with all this!

I'm here doing daycare to be home for my girls, yet a couple of them want to act so disrespectful, what's the point?? We spend more time arguing it seems with me doing daycare, days like these I feel that it's hurting them more than helping them. Anyone ever feel this way at times, that it's hurting your kids more than helping?

[AnythingsPossible]

I don't feel like it hurts them, but there are definately times I think they would enjoy their house more if they didn't share it with the daycare kids. However, I then consider that if they fight with each other and argue when I am home, what would happen if I didn't work from the house and they were home alone? I do feel bad when my daughter comes home and has had a bad day and just wants to talk to me, and we just can't have that alone time, but if I didn't do daycare she wouldn't get the time either because I wouldn't be here. As for your chair situation, if your girls enjoy sitting at the bar stools, make that their spot and tell daycare girl she can sit at any spot at the table she enjoys, but the bar stools are your daughters morning spot. I don't think they should give up their seat for dcg. I try to make sure my kids have their own spot and their own stuff, it is their house after all.

[Francine]

I have a 16 year old daughter and I know just how you feel. BUT every time I thinking about quitting and allowing her to come home by herself after school I remember what my friends and I use to do at her age and decide to stay put rather quickly

[BentleysBands]

Ditto! I surely don't do daycare for my health. Wish my own kids would appreciate I do it so I can be home for THEM and so THEY can have things. But they will never get it. I just smoke and send them off to school LOL...
with nice clothes, shoes, cell phones, ipods.

[DCMomOf3]

yes, I feel that way too. My boys are younger than your girls but I see that having the dc kids here seems to bring out the attitude. I just sumbitted my app to school and so I am hoping that this will be my last school year doing dc. I think my kids will do better without the dc and will give me time to give them more attention.

[MyAngels]

I was fortunate as my own kids were growing up to not have them get upset over sharing their space with the daycare. We did, however, have certain areas and things that were not for daycare use, so maybe that helped. I think I would reserve those seats for family members only, and allow the daycare kids to sit at the table. As far as the dcg refusing to eat, she's only hurting herself and will figure that out sooner or later. Also, if my children were to ever have been openly disrespectful to my daycare kids I would not allow them around the daycare kids. I won't have my children doing something out of spite that could affect my ability to earn a living.

[AfterSchoolMom]

Call me mean, but if there was that much bickering over bar stools, I'd make the bar stools completely off limits or take them away from the counter altogether.

I actually think my children benefit from having other kids around. However, I do B/A care and so I mainly have SA's. That leaves a lot of time for me to have one on one time with them.

I am NOT looking forward to the teen years.

[SilverSabre25]

Another vote for taking the stools away since they can't agree on them.

[laundrymom]

I agree. Take the option away for all of them. And YOU sit in it and brag how nice it is. Give them a week the a rotating schedule.
Or
Whoever behaves the worst the day before gets the table for the next day.

Here if my kids aren't ready for Bfast by 6 they fix it themselves. By the time they start school though all of mine have been cooking quite regularly and can manage eggs, toast and banana on their own. I don't let them do bacon but do 2 pounds each week and save it in the fridge for them to heat and have on school mornings. We also do pancakes, they toast, waffles.

[Crystal]

I would NOT take them away from my own children. They would have the stools every day, it would be their assigned seating. It is their house. I have a leather chair that is MINE and I don't let the dck sit on it, I see it no differently for my children.

I'd simply tell DCG that she is to small for the higher chairs and that they are for older "children"

[Blackcat31]

I'm with Crystal on this one. I would simply allow the older girls to have the stools. I also agree that the DCK's are too young to have such tall stools. Plus I think that the argument over the stools probably isn't even about the stools themselves...it may just about ownership and having a sense of belonging in the home over the daycare children. I think even older kids feel that way. I think just because we know and understand a concept it doesn't always change the way we feel.

[Lilbutterflie]

I'm with Crystal on this one. I would simply allow the older girls to have the stools. I also agree that the DCK's are too young to have such tall stools. Plus I think that the argument over the stools probably isn't even about the stools themselves...it may just about ownership and having a sense of belonging in the home over the daycare children. I think even older kids feel that way. I think just because we know and understand a concept it doesn't always change the way we feel.

I completely agree with this. If you make certain things in the house "off limits" to the daycare kids, and a sole possession for your children; I think they are less likely to be petty about the other stuff. I was having problems with this, too. Until I determined certain things the daycare kids are not allowed to play with or use. They belong to my kids. Some things just have to be theirs alone. Once I did this, there is so much less fighting, and I've found that they spontaneously share the things that are theirs from time to time.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Thanks for the responses ladies. The one stool they received for Christmas, addressed to all 4 of my girls, because for the longest time they only had 1 stool because the other was broke and not repairable. That is what my 13 year old is complaining about....so i see both sides of the story.

My 13 year old has ADHD and has always acted less than her age, so I get very upset and frustrated with her immature behavior...I don't want to raise a spoild brat (yet she is so quiet and polite at school). My 11 year old is generally good, but I could tell by her behavior last night that she's PMS'ing and having a hard time controlling her argumentive behavior (although she hasn't had her period yet, she gets in the mood swings and I can tell when!).

So this morning they were both cold at the daycare girl (age 10) because she wanted to spout off because she couldn't sit in the bar stool chair and my girls went to the only room that is theirs in this house, their bedroom. My girls are feeling they can't have anything in their own home, which I understand, yet on the other hand I don't want them to think it's ok to be brats and ungrateful and unkind. It's so early and everyone is just waking up and not in the best of moods.

So if I take the stools away it tells my girls they can't have anything of their own in their house besides their bedroom, and if I leave them there and assign the chairs to them every day, the daycare girl may tell her mom that they get what they want and are mean to her and she can't EVER sit in the chairs because they are mean and spoiled. Stresses me out!

I honestly don't know what the right thing to do in this situation. A part of me wants to take the chairs away, then the other part says, no I bought these chairs and I get to say who sits in them...although I think they are WAY too old for a seating chart, just seems so "babyish" that they can't work it out. Ho hum!!

[Lilbutterflie]

So if I take the stools away it tells my girls they can't have anything of their own in their house besides their bedroom, and if I leave them there and assign the chairs to them every day, the daycare girl may tell her mom that they get what they want and are mean to her and she can't EVER sit in the chairs because they are mean and spoiled. Stresses me out!

In this business, you cannot worry about what your dck's will tell their parents, or what the parents will think. If she does say something to her mom about it, and mom confronts you about it; you can tell her that the chairs were a gift to your daughters and therefore the chairs belong to your daughters. Your house. Your rules.

[Blackcat31]

You obviously can't please everyone all the time so I would just allow the stools to belong to your own family and NOT to the DCK's. If the DCG goes home and complains, all you have to do is simply say there aren't enough stools for all the daycare kids so no one gets to use the stools...("no one" meaning daycare kids) your kids don't really fall into the "no one" category because they live there. period. you won't be raising brats if you allow them to have some ownership as long as they are polite and respectful to the dck's. If they tease and say "ha-ha we get a stool and you don't" then I would ground them off them but if they are respectful and polite...they should have a right to some ownership in the home they live in. It is hard for pre-teens and teens to corral their emotions...heck we have a tough time and we are adults so ya almost have to cut them some slack......as long as they are respectful and polite. That would be my only requirement.

Let dcg know too that she has things at home (a favorite chair or something) that she never has to share with other kids so she can start understanding that it is hard to have a daycare in your personal space and have to share....she is plenty old at 10 to realize that fair is not always equal.