Anyone Ever Term Long-Term Client?

[spud912]

By long-term, I mean 1+ years with you? I have a dck (3 yo) that I am considering suggesting to move on to somewhere more fitting. I've had the dck for 1 1/2 years and he always had problems that would improve, not improve, improve, not improve. He hit my arm 2 days ago when I put him in time out and showed similar tendencies today during a defiant spell. I just feel like maybe my environment is not right for him....he needs less stimulation and more independent play.

I just feel terrible because we have made it this far already....but the days without him here are SOOO much more peaceful! I dread him coming and my spouse and I have actually argued with each other about him before.

What do I do? How do I say it? The parents are SUPER nice people and they have done so much for us. The mom is pregnant right now so I also worry about what they will do when the baby comes as I definitely do not take infants. Plus, dck is very VERY very attention hungry and I feel like the new baby might push him over the edge.

[Blackcat31]

By long-term, I mean 1+ years with you? I have a dck (3 yo) that I am considering suggesting to move on to somewhere more fitting. I've had the dck for 1 1/2 years and he always had problems that would improve, not improve, improve, not improve. He hit my arm 2 days ago when I put him in time out and showed similar tendencies today during a defiant spell. I just feel like maybe my environment is not right for him....he needs less stimulation and more independent play.

I just feel terrible because we have made it this far already....but the days without him here are SOOO much more peaceful! I dread him coming and my spouse and I have actually argued with each other about him before.

What do I do? How do I say it? The parents are SUPER nice people and they have done so much for us. The mom is pregnant right now so I also worry about what they will do when the baby comes as I definitely do not take infants. Plus, dck is very VERY very attention hungry and I feel like the new baby might push him over the edge.

I am terming a family I've had for 5.5 yrs. They will be notified next Friday.
I will come back and respond later this evening. I am heading out the door for home right now.

[Controlled Chaos]

Oct 5th I plan to term a PT family, that I adore. I have had them for only 6th months, but I love them. But I have decided part time is not currently working for my business. Too hard to find schedules that work together etc. Tons of FT kiddos on the wait list and some other current, long time (1 year) PT families been asking for FT spots for a while. Not sure on advice other than the normal "it is in the best interest of the child to move on"
:hug:

[Play Care]

Yes.

Mom lost her mind in my foyer.

So much nicer with them gone

[MyAngels]

I typically don't "term" families but I have pushed a few out the door . I usually go along the lines of "Junior is just so smart, he really needs a program with children all his own age" or something along those lines.

I've also gone with "Janie really needs a new environment as I am seeing these unpleasant behaviors lately..." followed by a long list of transgressions.

It seems to work well for me. Fortunately no one has ever lost their mind over it

[Unregistered]

You could give an ultimatum due to his behaviour. XXX needs to stop by XXX or services will be trrminated.

[Unregistered]

Yes. I phrased it as my environment is set up for younger toddlers (dck was 3 at the time) and it no longer fit dck needs where dck needed more challenging climbers and activities which dck would have access to at a larger preschool environment with children with dck own age. Dcm did not take it well, took it personally, but this dcm took everything personally and was very needy and took advantage, and didn't know how to parent her kids. Thank goodness I stuck to it and they are gone. It is so much more calm and less stressful now.

[NeedaVaca]

Yes, I had a DCB for a little over a year and I finally decided to let him go due to his behaviors that were getting worse as he got older. It went well and I basically told mom he would do so much better in a preschool setting with more teachers to supervise and more kids his age. Instead of just telling her I had had enough, I softened the blow a bit. She knew why When I handed her the letter she said what did he do now?

[spud912]

I guess I just need to get over feeling that I am a failure, but I also need to accept the fact that sometimes the best thing for the dck is to let him go. Maybe the next provider will be better for him AND I will also be better off, so a double win.

I am terming a family I've had for 5.5 yrs. They will be notified next Friday.
I will come back and respond later this evening. I am heading out the door for home right now.

Ouch....5 years! That will be hard! Please tell me more!

Oct 5th I plan to term a PT family, that I adore. I have had them for only 6th months, but I love them. But I have decided part time is not currently working for my business. Too hard to find schedules that work together etc. Tons of FT kiddos on the wait list and some other current, long time (1 year) PT families been asking for FT spots for a while. Not sure on advice other than the normal "it is in the best interest of the child to move on"
:hug:

I wish it were that easy! That seems like a very logical reason to term.

Yes.

Mom lost her mind in my foyer.

So much nicer with them gone

I KNOW it will be so much nicer without my dck. I really do like the parents but this boy is such a challenge!

I typically don't "term" families but I have pushed a few out the door . I usually go along the lines of "Junior is just so smart, he really needs a program with children all his own age" or something along those lines.

I've also gone with "Janie really needs a new environment as I am seeing these unpleasant behaviors lately..." followed by a long list of transgressions.

It seems to work well for me. Fortunately no one has ever lost their mind over it

That's my plan. "Have you considered a xyz preschool for dck? I really think he would thrive there for ____ reasons."

You could give an ultimatum due to his behaviour. XXX needs to stop by XXX or services will be trrminated.

Unfortunately we are past that point. The parents have been "working on it," but I fail to see any work besides "we talked to him." Even his worst weeks they spoil him rotten on the weekends. I understand wanting to spend that time, especially considering he won't be a single child much longer. But there have been weeks where I threatened termination and that weekend they would buy him new toys and take him to fun events like the zoo :confused:.

Yes. I phrased it as my environment is set up for younger toddlers (dck was 3 at the time) and it no longer fit dck needs where dck needed more challenging climbers and activities which dck would have access to at a larger preschool environment with children with dck own age. Dcm did not take it well, took it personally, but this dcm took everything personally and was very needy and took advantage, and didn't know how to parent her kids. Thank goodness I stuck to it and they are gone. It is so much more calm and less stressful now.

I wish I could use this, but he is one of my youngest and I do a preschool program. I WILL be suggesting a different style of preschool that hopefully will help him improve.

Yes, I had a DCB for a little over a year and I finally decided to let him go due to his behaviors that were getting worse as he got older. It went well and I basically told mom he would do so much better in a preschool setting with more teachers to supervise and more kids his age. Instead of just telling her I had had enough, I softened the blow a bit. She knew why When I handed her the letter she said what did he do now?

Yes! These parents know what's going on here...it won't surprise them I think.

[Unregistered]

I wish I could use this, but he is one of my youngest and I do a preschool program. I WILL be suggesting a different style of preschool that hopefully will help him improve.

.

I actually run my entire program as a preschool. However, this dck had behavior issues and the parents did not know how to parent and the issues were not being addressed at home because according to them dck was not doing the behavior at home. Dck got evaluated but passes and dcps were told he just needs to play like a normal child. Umm my preschool program is play based. I finally gave examples of things dck was doing here such as trying to jump off my play equipments and said yes he does need to play, so he needs a bigger space and equipment that he can do so safely with more teachers to supervise which my environment is not. Funny, after they left they told me oh yes he's doing the same behaviors he was doing here at home and at the new school, well happy not my problem anymore.

[Play Care]

I forgot to mention that I had the family for 3 years. The boys had clearly outgrown my program - lots of physical altercations (brothers ) and wrestling. They are bigger boys so I was afraid someone would get hurt.
Mom could also never make my close time and was always late. I thought we were "friends" and didn't nip it in the bud from the get go...

In any event I had been prepping mom for months that I really wasn't a SA provider, kids outgrow my care, etc etc etc. She would nod and smile but I don't think she thought I meant HER kids...

Since I thought we were "friends" and we are neighbors, I decided to give her months of notice as child care here can be difficult. That said, it's not as bad for SA kids as it is for infants/toddlers.

I thought breaking it verbally would be best, but she freaked out. I did say it was because a new baby was starting and I wouldn't have space - so I made that mistake.

Lesson learned. From now on, any term news will be written and handed off at the front porch with a read this and give me a call later if you have questions. This way I won't get nervous and say the wrong thing, or worry about parents losing their mind in my home and scaring my kids (if they lose it in the driveway I can go in the house and shut the door)

I would caution that you make it clear you are done providing care, as your reply seemed a bit wishy washy (no offense meant) it sounds as if you've talked terming before, so they need to know this is it.

[littletots]

Sorry you're feeling badly. It is hard to make those decisions. I always run it by another provider like you're doing to talk it out. We here to support you. Betting we've either been there or by or reading your thread can learn tips when the situation appears. I say things to complement the child, suggest better options, and offer assistance in finding the next arrangement. Most never take me up on my offer. ::

[spud912]

The problem is that he IS overall improving. He will slink back into bad periods but in the grand scheme, he is much better. When he first started, he used to kick me on a regular basis....in my stomach.....while pregnant . I should have termed back then but didn't. He improved in that department (although obviously not altogether), but he picked up other bad habits.

He is a super sweet boy and does have a good heart, but he also has a very bad temper. Basically all of his emotions are on super-drive. He makes noise CONSTANTLY for attention (nap time, while going potty alone, every second someone else is talking, etc) and it's always as loud as possible. I know this isn't a bad thing necessarily but he says "I love you" to me literally every 5 minutes. He argues with all the kids about everything and anything, even if it makes no sense whatsoever. He argues with me all the time. Frequently he is downright defiant and will yell "NO" at me or play tug of war. He is territorial, which leads to angry outbursts and aggression with the other kids. He tries to be a baby frequently using baby talk, crawling, pretending to cry or imitating my youngest child.

But then he is super sweet too .... loves giving everyone hugs, is the first to comfort someone when they are upset, cares a lot about others feelings, is super gentle with the younger ones.

I just feel like I can't connect with him at all. I dread the days he comes and literally feel like celebrating when he is out. This is not fair to him at all and maybe someone else would not have a hard time with him at all. His parents must think I'm crazy because they "never see" any of these behaviors. Maybe it's because he is an only child and they "never see" these behaviors because they turn a blind eye. I worry about how he will be when his baby sibling comes because he really competes for attention.