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I feel like the 6 month old I watch is crying all the time. He doesn't really like to eat, or be held, or play on the floor. The only thing he wants me to do is to prop him in a sitting position and be entertained and I can't /won't. I've been giving it a while before I bring it up with parents because I'm wondering if I'm just being overly sensitive to it. I've only watched my two as infants recently and I know your tolerance for crying is different when is your own. After he's well rested, fed, played with, and changed, I think I get 5-10 minutes of happiness before he is fussing or screaming. Is that about right? I just don't want to bring it up with the parents if this is normal. I remember a lot more happy time when mine were little, but I could be wrong.
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Do you have a bouncy chair or exersaucer are anything to put him in? With my kids I had to rotate them from one thing to another to keep them "entertained" as well. So bouncy chair, swing, exersaucer, toys on the floor, playmat etc. My first could be entertained for a lot longer than my second! My second was very ornery
I don't take infants though so maybe there is better advice!
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No that's not typical. I don't take infants anymore and part of the reason is that they're all so high maintenance. The parents 'train' them to need entertainment. I would guess he has an adult in his face every waking moment.
You can't replicate that. I am assuming he hates tummy time as well?Comment
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I actually don't use those. I have kinda structured my daycare around RIE principles. He has a very large safe floor space though with plenty of mirrors and balls and manipulative toys. My goal is to get him learning that he can entertain himself and learn to move on the floor. Parents were extremely on board with this method but don't practice it at home anymore. It's just getting tough. He just lays in his awesome play space doing nothing but screaming.Do you have a bouncy chair or exersaucer are anything to put him in? With my kids I had to rotate them from one thing to another to keep them "entertained" as well. So bouncy chair, swing, exersaucer, toys on the floor, playmat etc. My first could be entertained for a lot longer than my second! My second was very ornery I don't take infants though so maybe there is better advice!Comment
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He actually rolls straight to his tummy himself when II lay him on the floor to play, so he is getting that. He just doesn't want to work at playing himself. He's very happy and smily when I'm right there interacting with him, but if I get up he loses it. I just feel like he should be able to find something he enjoys doing in there and be happy for at least 15-20 minutes. I don't expect him to be happy all day just more than 5 minutes. His parents always make sure to tell me how everyone tells them how happy he is. It makes me feel like I'm failing.Comment
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What you don't baby wear? I'm joking. I knew someone who did stroller walks to prevent baby from non stop crying. I teased her, too. She must have walked 3hrs straight. If he's not sick then the two of you are just in transition mode. Good luck. He'll adjust to your program.Comment
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I am very familiar with RIE principles and am not sure how it relates. As an educator I can tell you that a 6 month old does not have the brain capacity to play by himself for long periods of time, it's just not possible. They need one on one interaction and face to face time with caregivers mostly. For me RIE is about respecting the infant instead of teaching. Reading their cues and creating an environment based on that. According to him the play space is not "awesome". I am not trying to be hard on you but those are the basis of RIE principles. Doesn't always work in group care.Comment
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People tell them how happy he is because those people are usually "in his face". Of course he's happy...they're giving him what he wants!
Have you tried putting him by a mirror when he's happy? Maybe talking to himself will help.Comment
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It's why I generally don't take infants into care or space taking them by a couple of years. They *need* a LOT of interaction. They're not being spoiled or fussy, they are biologically programmed to need lots of hugs and cuddles and face time. It's exhausting :
: It's probably one of the reasons humans generally don't have litters...
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Thank you for your response. Just want to preface that what I'm responding with isn't meant to come off rude. I have a bad "Internet voice" so don't take what I say in a rude tone
I am a former educator too, and yes the basis of RIE is respectful care as well as trusting that the infant is a fully capable human being who is able to be in control of their own play and learning. All of the books and classes I have taken have emphasized not using devices that don't allow children to move freely and that they first learn how to move and play on the floor. I agree that interaction is important, and I give him lots of it during diaper changes, feeding, and play times. Magda Gerber teaches to be present during play, but not to interrupt it or direct it with a lot of talking or eye contact. Of course this is difficult in group care which is why I try to seek parents who want this kind of care. In fact I started doing it this way because it was a huge request from parents in my area and people were turning me down because of it. Even when I am present and available to him, he isn't happy unless I'm controlling the play, which isn't RIE. There is a difference between respectful care and giving him whatever he wants. I just wanted to get a grasp on normal crying because I want to rule out that anything is wrong. If it is typical, I can continue going about my day and not worry. If it's not typical, I need to talk to the parents and either decide that he doesn't like it here and find other care or find out if there is something medically going on (he also has issues feeding.) I haven't had the experience of caring for such a vocal baby so I just wanted to make sure. I understand RIE well and have taken classes so I feel pretty confident in what I'm doing, just not confident that it is working for this child. I don't want him to feel miserable because he had been trained to be entertained by people and that isn't available here.
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I agree---- butttttt I was always able to put infants down in the same room I was in, step away from them, and they would interact/watch other children/play for more than a few minutes. I could put them down in the dining room and watch them/interact with them from a short distance away while I cooked, etc.
It's why I generally don't take infants into care or space taking them by a couple of years. They *need* a LOT of interaction. They're not being spoiled or fussy, they are biologically programmed to need lots of hugs and cuddles and face time. It's exhausting :: It's probably one of the reasons humans generally don't have litters...::
I think op is saying that this baby isn't capable of that AT ALL. If she moves away from him, he looses it.Comment
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Yes, exactly. I'm not expecting him to go long periods of time. I'm talking ANY amount of time. I've had infants where I can leave them in their space and they'll pick up an interesting ball and play with it for 15 minutes. They will call for my attention, I will come talk with them for a minute, and then they will engage themselves in something different.
I know I'm probably the odd one out, but I don't believe that infants aren't capable of that. I believe ADULTS believe infants aren't capable of that so we inadvertently train the infant to need us at all times. There have been many studies showing that infants are way more advanced than what we can fathom.Comment
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Thank you for your response. Just want to preface that what I'm responding with isn't meant to come off rude. I have a bad "Internet voice" so don't take what I say in a rude tone I am a former educator too, and yes the basis of RIE is respectful care as well as trusting that the infant is a fully capable human being who is able to be in control of their own play and learning. All of the books and classes I have taken have emphasized not using devices that don't allow children to move freely and that they first learn how to move and play on the floor. I agree that interaction is important, and I give him lots of it during diaper changes, feeding, and play times. Magda Gerber teaches to be present during play, but not to interrupt it or direct it with a lot of talking or eye contact. Of course this is difficult in group care which is why I try to seek parents who want this kind of care. In fact I started doing it this way because it was a huge request from parents in my area and people were turning me down because of it. Even when I am present and available to him, he isn't happy unless I'm controlling the play, which isn't RIE. There is a difference between respectful care and giving him whatever he wants. I just wanted to get a grasp on normal crying because I want to rule out that anything is wrong. If it is typical, I can continue going about my day and not worry. If it's not typical, I need to talk to the parents and either decide that he doesn't like it here and find other care or find out if there is something medically going on (he also has issues feeding.) I haven't had the experience of caring for such a vocal baby so I just wanted to make sure. I understand RIE well and have taken classes so I feel pretty confident in what I'm doing, just not confident that it is working for this child. I don't want him to feel miserable because he had been trained to be entertained by people and that isn't available here.
No, I don't think his behavior is typical. I have spent time with a REI trained provider (she actually studied with Magda years ago), and so I'm fairly familiar with the concepts. I agree with you that you can be respectful of him as a person, but still have expectations of him.
I guess I would sit down with the parents. They say he's the happiest baby on the face of the earth, but under what conditions? Are they trading off holding him, directing his play? With a 2-adult to 1 child ratio, that can be done (here honey, hold the baby while I make dinner). I'd say it's very common, in fact. So, he gets a lot of that at home, and wants the same from you, with 3 or 4 other infants. Maybe one of them can make lunch...::
I guess it's time to have the conversation. It's FINE if they want to hold, carry, swing, nurse, co-sleep, car sleep, turn cartwheels, rock him, bottle feed him, or whatever. It really is. They just need to know that it costs him in group care, and perhaps a one-on-one caregiver would be a better option.Comment
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No offense taken! I think we are saying the same things and it does sound like he is not jiving with your space. I don't know if it is a matter of "not getting what he wants" as it might be that he is not getting what he needs. He may not need constant entertainment he may just need someone to be close. If you put him on the floor and sit with him does he still cry?Thank you for your response. Just want to preface that what I'm responding with isn't meant to come off rude. I have a bad "Internet voice" so don't take what I say in a rude tone I am a former educator too, and yes the basis of RIE is respectful care as well as trusting that the infant is a fully capable human being who is able to be in control of their own play and learning. All of the books and classes I have taken have emphasized not using devices that don't allow children to move freely and that they first learn how to move and play on the floor. I agree that interaction is important, and I give him lots of it during diaper changes, feeding, and play times. Magda Gerber teaches to be present during play, but not to interrupt it or direct it with a lot of talking or eye contact. Of course this is difficult in group care which is why I try to seek parents who want this kind of care. In fact I started doing it this way because it was a huge request from parents in my area and people were turning me down because of it. Even when I am present and available to him, he isn't happy unless I'm controlling the play, which isn't RIE. There is a difference between respectful care and giving him whatever he wants. I just wanted to get a grasp on normal crying because I want to rule out that anything is wrong. If it is typical, I can continue going about my day and not worry. If it's not typical, I need to talk to the parents and either decide that he doesn't like it here and find other care or find out if there is something medically going on (he also has issues feeding.) I haven't had the experience of caring for such a vocal baby so I just wanted to make sure. I understand RIE well and have taken classes so I feel pretty confident in what I'm doing, just not confident that it is working for this child. I don't want him to feel miserable because he had been trained to be entertained by people and that isn't available here.
I love RIE and I think it is great but it doesn't necessarily work with all kids in every stage of development. My own kids were around 8 months old before they could direct their own play. At 6 months the exersaucer and all of those traditional things saved my sanity and my kids enjoyed them but I understand if it is not something you agree with
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I don't think it is normal, but I do think it is typical of the kids we are seeing in daycare today. They spend a lot of time at home being held, rocked, carried in slings, constant face time, ect. They sleep with mom and dad and have very difficult time transitioning to any other sleep environment. I spend the first few weeks of almost every kid now transitioning to daycare. It means crying and more crying, ime. The only time that seems to be avoided is when I get them at 6-8 weeks, as I start from day one with adjusting them to the way I do things. He is probably nervous and adjusting to your environment and I imagine at the slightest whimper, he is scooped up at home and rescued from his distress, so unless you think he is in pain or something, I have found babies ike this to be the norm anymore. Not always, but in a lot of cases, this seems to be common.Comment
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