Parent issue

[Ariana]

I just started a DCG part time from 12pm-5pm. She is 20 months. There was roughly 3 months from the time the parents signed on with me to the time she started (mom is a teacher). Before she started I asked the parents to adjust her nap schedule from 2pm to 12pm which is MY nap schedule here at the daycare. She was to come and eat lunch and then go right to bed. Parents knew this and didn't want to pay more money to have her here before nap time. They adjusted her nap from 2pm to 1pm so didn't follow my directions. During transition the dad tells me it is very hard to put her down, sometimes it takes an hour and a half. One day he told me that it took his wife 2 hours to get her to sleep at night...this was before she started napping here!

She started this week on the new schedule and in a new environment. She sleeps roughly 3-4 hours in the afternoon. Dad comes in today (day 3) and tells me to not let her nap for more than 3 hours because it is taking her too long to go to sleep at night and she is waking up frequently. Of course this is all my fault for letting her sleep too long?! Never mind that this is a brand new environment, brand new nap schedule with a brand new person and that the child is likely experiencing separation anxiety. And never mind that I have worked with hundreds of children and they have only worked with one!! She was also doing this before she even started with me. Dad told me it had been going on for a few weeks prior to starting with me.

I told dad that she was likely experiencing separation anxiety but of course it's all about the naps. I just feel so dismissed when I talk to parents. It is extremely frustrating! What do you all do in these situations? I wish I could just let it go Mom is coming this evening to pick up and I want to say something to remind her that this is a normal process for children and that she is working through some issues adjusting to the new routine. Not sure how to word it.

[mamamanda]

Could you maybe wake her after 2 hours as a compromise? I insist that children lay down for a 2 hour rest time, but I'm happy to wake them after that. I know studies say later naps don't affect night time sleep, but my Ds could never sleep at night after a long nap. I had a consistent routine, left him in bed, he laid there quietly to the point of tears b/c he was so frustrated that he couldn't fall asleep after hours of trying. I agree that she has a lot to adjust to. She may legitimately just need extra time with mom & dad, but I think personally I'd be willing to shorten the nap just a bit & see if that helps or not. If not, you could allow her to sleep more again.

[mamamanda]

Sounds like they don't have a good night time routine anyway.

[laundrymom]

I would wholeheartedly agree, that yes... She needs more awake time. Then say you have a brilliant idea that you've heard works great. Just suggest waking her earlier in the mornings (an hour or more) to not only give her more awake time, but also parenting time. Because that's what she seems to be craving in the evenings by taking so long to fall asleep.
After all, she's napping great mid day so she must need it.
Then just smile and move to the next thing in your day. Don't stress over their routines. Yours works.

[childcaremom]

I'm going through this with a family right now.

They have asked and asked for me to adjust my routine so that dcb goes to bed at a decent time.

AFter much back and forth, I have realized that they want me to make all sorts of adjustments on my end and none on theirs. In fact, are working against him getting on a good schedule.

So my answer to them would be to be consistent, be firm, and allow her time to adjust to the new schedule. I would not be offering to wake her early nor would I make any other changes to my group's schedule. (yeah, I'm a little bitter about this topic right now but I still wouldn't budge)

[Ariana]

I agree with more parent time. Yesterday the mom worked late so the child was picked up by grandpa so that is definitely what was probably going on there. I am also sure that the child is sleeping in in the mornings because dad doesn't go into work until 2pm.

I was thinking about suggesting that thanks!

[Ariana]

I'm going through this with a family right now.

They have asked and asked for me to adjust my routine so that dcb goes to bed at a decent time.

AFter much back and forth, I have realized that they want me to make all sorts of adjustments on my end and none on theirs. In fact, are working against him getting on a good schedule.

So my answer to them would be to be consistent, be firm, and allow her time to adjust to the new schedule. I would not be offering to wake her early nor would I make any other changes to my group's schedule. (yeah, I'm a little bitter about this topic right now but I still wouldn't budge)

I completely understand! I went through this with another family I had. They didn't want the kid napping because it was affecting night time sleep, meanwhile the mom had the kids at the park at 8:30pm!! It's like you are saying, it is always the providers fault. They don't have a good routine at home at all. The child hits her mother for God sakes and mom puts her to bed as dad works.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I just started a DCG part time from 12pm-5pm. She is 20 months. There was roughly 3 months from the time the parents signed on with me to the time she started (mom is a teacher). Before she started I asked the parents to adjust her nap schedule from 2pm to 12pm which is MY nap schedule here at the daycare. She was to come and eat lunch and then go right to bed. Parents knew this and didn't want to pay more money to have her here before nap time. They adjusted her nap from 2pm to 1pm so didn't follow my directions. During transition the dad tells me it is very hard to put her down, sometimes it takes an hour and a half. One day he told me that it took his wife 2 hours to get her to sleep at night...this was before she started napping here!

She started this week on the new schedule and in a new environment. She sleeps roughly 3-4 hours in the afternoon. Dad comes in today (day 3) and tells me to not let her nap for more than 3 hours because it is taking her too long to go to sleep at night and she is waking up frequently. Of course this is all my fault for letting her sleep too long?! Never mind that this is a brand new environment, brand new nap schedule with a brand new person and that the child is likely experiencing separation anxiety. And never mind that I have worked with hundreds of children and they have only worked with one!! She was also doing this before she even started with me. Dad told me it had been going on for a few weeks prior to starting with me.

I told dad that she was likely experiencing separation anxiety but of course it's all about the naps. I just feel so dismissed when I talk to parents. It is extremely frustrating! What do you all do in these situations? I wish I could just let it go Mom is coming this evening to pick up and I want to say something to remind her that this is a normal process for children and that she is working through some issues adjusting to the new routine. Not sure how to word it.

You should ask what time she wakes in the am. If bedtime was an issue before she started with you (and the fact that they started with 1 pm, instead of 12, like you asked them to) makes me think it has more to do with her waking up earlier now that she is getting a nap during the day. They probably had her on a 2 pm nap, because then she goes to bed a bit later (but is still happy) and sleeps in in the morning. Now that you are giving her a nap, she is not sleeping in and they want her to go to bed earlier to make up for it, which is also not working, since she had a nap and is probably not tired when they want to put her to bed. They want her to sleep on their time, not yours, imo.

[Unregistered]

Are you telling them daily about naps? Maybe only tell when asked.

[daycare]

I agree...don't bring it back up. their issue,not yours.

sorry YOU are having problems at home. As YOU already know our program requires nap time from ___to___ every day. YOU may need to adjust YOUR home routine so that your child can adapt to our programs daily routines. Please do keep in mind that it will take some time for your child to adjust to a new routine and environment.

thanks your DCP

I used to get mad when my parents tried to tell me what to do. But I learned to just remind them. Our services are this, you signed up for them. Do you need to take some time to decide if they still work for you or not? If they don't please be sure to provide your 30 day advance notice in writing.

thanks

[Ariana]

Yes they are asking every day about naps!

I decided not to say anything because mom didn't seem to care that she was waking up at all. I think dad was more miffed than mom. Anyway I told her that I woke her up at the 3 hour mark even though I didn't. Sure enough she slept through the night last night

I proved my own theory right that night sleep has nothing to do with nap sleep and will just keep telling them what they want to hear and baby can get the sleep she needs since she is my #1 priority anyway It is a lot for her to adjust to and I reminded mom at pickup last night that it will take a while for her to settle into this new routine and there will be bumps and hiccups. Mom completely understood and agreed.

Thanks everyone!!

[renodeb]

I have never had much trouble with parents and my routine. Often the child sleeps better here. I' am a true believer in " sleep begets sleep". The parents are not helping you out with this issue by complaining. I hope she adjusts to your schedule. I would tell mom just what you told us. Its an adjustment, it will take time.
Deb