Zip your lip and go

[TwinMama]

I've got a Mom that sits at the door and by the time she leaves her 3 year old is screaming and crying for her.

"Don't forget to tell her about the volleyball game, and what we did last night. Can you do that? Tell her about what we saw and the funny thing Daddy said."

She tries to reward him with candy if he doesn't cry.

She just texted me and asked me if I have any ideas for how to deal with this to let her know.

How do I tell her to zip her lip and leave when she drops him off....except in a polite way.

She's a teacher and so he wasn't here with me all Summer and spent every day with her. I understand...of course it's a tough transition.

[Play Care]

"DCM, In my years of providing child care, the BEST thing to do is make drop offs short and sweet! A "bye, I'll see you later!" And then leave. Don't try to hang around to see if Tommy settles down, as kids have a sixth sense about their parents still being on site even if they can't see you

Honestly, Tommy settles down the moment you leave and if he wasn't, I would let you know. I will caution that the more you play into it (trying to make him stop crying, extra hugs, etc) the longer it will last. Kids are smart and they will do what works to get extra attention.

As a parent I know it's hard to see your child cry and seem upset, but I can assure you 100% as a a provider that the less attention you give it, the more quickly it stops. Hope this helps!"

How does that sound?

[Blackcat31]

I've got a Mom that sits at the door and by the time she leaves her 3 year old is screaming and crying for her.

"Don't forget to tell her about the volleyball game, and what we did last night. Can you do that? Tell her about what we saw and the funny thing Daddy said."

She tries to reward him with candy if he doesn't cry.

She just texted me and asked me if I have any ideas for how to deal with this to let her know.

How do I tell her to zip her lip and leave when she drops him off....except in a polite way.

She's a teacher and so he wasn't here with me all Summer and spent every day with her. I understand...of course it's a tough transition.

This is what my handbook says about transition times. I copy and paste it into a memo to use as a reminder when I think a parent needs it.
You are welcome to use it or edit it in any way you feel might help your situation.

"Transition times such as drop off and pick-up can be a difficult time for children. Please try to make these times as short as possible.

Years of experience have taught me that children are resilient and usually transition quickly upon drop off if the parent is swift, firm and regular in their separation routines.

Children often feed off of any anxiety or stress a parent exhibits so it is important that you address the child's fears with a reassuring hug/kiss, state your plans to return at the end of the day and follow with a quick exit.

If your child is experiencing any separation anxiety or issues, please rest assured that I will do everything necessary to welcome your child and make their transition from parent to childcare a comfortable and pleasant one.

If your child does not calm down and join the rest of the group within a reasonable amount of time, you will be notified and requested to pick-up if necessary.

If there is anything you need to discuss with me, please set up a time to talk in which we can do so privately and uninterrupted."

[Unregistered]

I've got a Mom that sits at the door and by the time she leaves her 3 year old is screaming and crying for her.

"Don't forget to tell her about the volleyball game, and what we did last night. Can you do that? Tell her about what we saw and the funny thing Daddy said."

She tries to reward him with candy if he doesn't cry.

She just texted me and asked me if I have any ideas for how to deal with this to let her know.

How do I tell her to zip her lip and leave when she drops him off....except in a polite way.

She's a teacher and so he wasn't here with me all Summer and spent every day with her

I understand...of course it's a tough transition.

I've had a lot of teachers over the years, it was surprising most had kids that were very difficult made that way by them. One teacher was so bad I ended up dropping her. Couldn't control her kids, couldn't control the classroom I heard. I told her she was facilitating the behavior, she would need to promptly leave with her child since my eye needed to be on the other children at pick-up and drop-off.

You can try that, but this lady refused and had some real issues. Her next home daycare only lasted 10 mths, .

[TwinMama]

I've had a lot of teachers over the years, it was surprising most had kids that were very difficult made that way by them. One teacher was so bad I ended up dropping her. Couldn't control her kids, couldn't control the classroom I heard. I told her she was facilitating the behavior, she would need to promptly leave with her child since my eye needed to be on the other children at pick-up and drop-off.

You can try that, but this lady refused and had some real issues. Her next home daycare only lasted 10 mths, .

That's just it....I'm surprised too. She hasn't texted me back yet so I don't know if she's offended or whatever. I can't believe she would encourage that behavior. Of course he doesn't want to stay here when she's talking about all the fun things they do together at home. Plus...he's good for the most part, but he's an only child and WILL be sure to tell you what he wants and that he gets what he wants. Doesn't ask...he tells you. I don't allow that behavior.

She's going to have some issues next year when he goes to school and she has to explain to her coworkers why her kid is screaming his head off when she drops him off.

[Ariana]

I usually interrupt and say "give mommy a hug good bye....ok see you later mommy....have a good day" and start leading the child away while talking to the kid in a super excited voice about what is coming next "come on lets see what toys are out today...maybe there is play dough?"!!!. If the parent doesn't get the idea at the next drop off a quick email like Blackcat suggested is sent their way. If the child is resisting I pick the child up and lead them away from mom while saying bye. The trick is to keep talking as much as possible so that the parent is not overpowering the situation. Right now I have a dad who is prolonging drop off. I have told him to his face to make it short and sweet and sent two email. He doesn't care so I do the above technique.

[TwinMama]

I usually interrupt and say "give mommy a hug good bye....ok see you later mommy....have a good day" and start leading the child away while talking to the kid in a super excited voice about what is coming next "come on lets see what toys are out today...maybe there is play dough?"!!!. If the parent doesn't get the idea at the next drop off a quick email like Blackcat suggested is sent their way. If the child is resisting I pick the child up and lead them away from mom while saying bye. The trick is to keep talking as much as possible so that the parent is not overpowering the situation. Right now I have a dad who is prolonging drop off. I have told him to his face to make it short and sweet and sent two email. He doesn't care so I do the above technique.

Does he get offended when you take charge like that and lead his kid away? I think that's what I'm going to have to do.

[Ariana]

Does he get offended when you take charge like that and lead his kid away? I think that's what I'm going to have to do.

No not at all! I think some parents struggle with the transition and need you to take charge so this is what works for me. I say it in a super cheery voice with lots of (fake) smiling!! You have to be very confident when you do it. You run the show not mom. Then mom will just be left to show herself out

[littletots]

I've had same long drop. I purposely chat them up to make them late for work. Seems to make future drop offs quicker.

[Controlled Chaos]

No not at all! I think some parents struggle with the transition and need you to take charge so this is what works for me. I say it in a super cheery voice with lots of (fake) smiling!! You have to be very confident when you do it. You run the show not mom. Then mom will just be left to show herself out

I do the same thing It works. I think parents are often unsure and uncomfortable. They don't want to appear as if they want to leave their child, but they have to go. Being in charge and taking responsibility for the transition really helps many parents. If a child is clinging onto the parent, I talk them through what I am about to do. "I am going to take him now, so you can go to work, and we can have a great day having fun here. Ready? Ok, here we go." I have had two thank me for the communication and in leading them through the process.