How do YOU Handle Toddler Squabbles?

[KristinsHomeCC]

I have 2 boys, 3 weeks age difference. 19m and 20m. One coincidentally is my son.

They will be in free-play, and be on clear opposite sides of the room from each other. One will pick up a toy, and the other will dart across the room for it. And they will each hold one end and make the same whiney/cry noise until either I break it up or one lets go. I've read some articles that say you should let them work it out in their own ways of communication. I never know whether to break it up (usually when one is going to hurt the other - bite, hit etc.) So I am curious as to what others do about toddlers that don't speak much yet .

[Francine]

I'm not going to be any help at all LOL but I can't wait to hear what others have to say!! I am in the same boat, all of my kids are under 3 : )

[Blackcat31]

I have 2 boys, 3 weeks age difference. 19m and 20m. One coincidentally is my son.

They will be in free-play, and be on clear opposite sides of the room from each other. One will pick up a toy, and the other will dart across the room for it. And they will each hold one end and make the same whiney/cry noise until either I break it up or one lets go. I've read some articles that say you should let them work it out in their own ways of communication. I never know whether to break it up (usually when one is going to hurt the other - bite, hit etc.) So I am curious as to what others do about toddlers that don't speak much yet .

I let them work it out. The ONLY time I intervene is if it gets physical. Then the child that initiated the physical behavior gets removed from the activity/group and placed in a separate area where they can play without hurting anyone. They are free to go back and join the group/activity when they want. I don't force anyone under 3 to sit or separate for ANY specific amount of time. The act of removing them from the situation usually does the trick.

If it's two particular kids always going at each other, I will walk over and not say a word but will take the toy they are fighting over and put it up. If I do say anything it's usually something like "Play nice!" or "Share".

I know they don't necessarily understand exactly what sharing means but they ARE capable of learning (via actions) and repetitive removal from the group/activity and you'd be surprised at how quickly they do pick it up.

Also, want to mention that when you want them to play fair, remember that what is fair to you is not always what is fair to others. Fair does not mean equal. Fair means that each person has the tools to succeed. There will always be givers and takers and if one child has 3 blocks and their playmate has 30 but they are both happy, then that is fair enough.

[Indoorvoice]

I agree with BC as usual. I have 4 dcg under 3 (one is my dd) who of course always want to play with the exact same toys. I always stay close by when a squabble occurs to block hitting and remove the aggressor if need be, but I say little. If they scream and tantrum about it but don't hit or bite, well I consider that healthy! Letting out emotions is perfectly fine and they are learning to either give up the toy to avoid a fight or stand their ground and say "no" or play peacefully together. The fights have actually lessened over time and they don't even tattle or look to me to help them because they know how to figure out for themselves now.

[Josiegirl]

I guess I'm an odd one because I do intervene, quickly. Otherwise(and maybe it's just my group lucky me) but tempers flare fast, emotions are already skyrocketing and usually there's physical contact before I can even put my hand in between them. I have 6 dcks, including 2 2's and 2 3's that usually are in the middle of everything, plus lots of pinching, hair-pulling, etc. lately. So I come down to their level, put hands on each of them to help calm them, and help guide them through sharing(taking turns with a timer works great), or giving the toy a time-out and then redirect each of them.

[Indoorvoice]

I guess I'm an odd one because I do intervene, quickly. Otherwise(and maybe it's just my group lucky me) but tempers flare fast, emotions are already skyrocketing and usually there's physical contact before I can even put my hand in between them. I have 6 dcks, including 2 2's and 2 3's that usually are in the middle of everything, plus lots of pinching, hair-pulling, etc. lately. So I come down to their level, put hands on each of them to help calm them, and help guide them through sharing(taking turns with a timer works great), or giving the toy a time-out and then redirect each of them.

I don't think you're odd! You have to know your group and what they can handle. If that works for you, then that's what you gotta do!

[BabyMonkeys]

I have 2 20m that are 2 weeks apart and a 14m. I always let the big boys figure it out by themselves, but once the little one started getting hurt I had to change things up a bit. Now whoever has the toy first gets to keep it until they are done with it, and then the other boy can have it. I am actually surprised how well this works. I say "K/C/R is playing with that toy right now, but you can have it when he is done" 100 times a day, but they seem to comprehend what I'm saying and will wait for their turn most of the time. Thankfully the older boys will give each other a turn if I ask them to and the little one has a short attention span.