This Is a New Situation for Me

[crazydaycarelady]

I have a biter. She is 20 months old and has been randomly biting kids for probably 4 months now. She has bitten most of the kids once but this one particular 8mo baby she has bitten three times, the 3rd time being yesterday. This is a VERY difficult situation and we are trying to work on it. She will go a couple of weeks with no bites and then BOOM! We have also caught her before she has bitten too.

Both moms know about the situation and mom of the victim has been really good about it but she wants the mom of the biter to call her. I am not sure why. I have explained what we are doing. So I passed along her number and figure it is kind of out of my control if they want to talk outside of dc. The biters mom does not want to call her though, she feels she is just going to get yelled at.

This seems like trouble brewing (for me.)

[Miss A]

When I worked in a center we had a biter like that, would bite when angry, would bite when happy, would bite to say hello, just bit alll of the time. We had a policy where if they bit three times, we had AEA come in and observe to see if there was a reason for the biting we could not see. If there was, we used the intervention planning suggested, and if that did not work, after 3 bites the child was termed.

I know that AEA is usually not readily available to home daycare, but you could try intervention. I know it is hard when we care for so many ahes, but trying to keep the biting child engaged in an activity, or being present while the biter is near the child most frequently bitten may help.

Also, I don't think I would be sharing parents numbers with other parents, for confidentiality reasons. If a parent wishes to contact the other parent, I would have them initiate it in writing to the other parent first, to protect yourself from becoming the middle man.

[Blackcat31]

I have a biter. She is 20 months old and has been randomly biting kids for probably 4 months now. She has bitten most of the kids once but this one particular 8mo baby she has bitten three times, the 3rd time being yesterday. This is a VERY difficult situation and we are trying to work on it. She will go a couple of weeks with no bites and then BOOM! We have also caught her before she has bitten too.

Both moms know about the situation and mom of the victim has been really good about it but she wants the mom of the biter to call her. I am not sure why. I have explained what we are doing. So I passed along her number and figure it is kind of out of my control if they want to talk outside of dc. The biters mom does not want to call her though, she feels she is just going to get yelled at.

This seems like trouble brewing (for me.)

What does the victims mom feel is going to be accomplished by speaking to the biter's mom? It's not like she is going to be able to control what happens at your house when neither parent is present.

I would not have agreed to hand out parent's phone numbers to other parents. I know we can't stop them from chatting amongst themselves but they'd have to figure out how to connect on their own.

As for the biter... I don't know the correct answer... biting ****s no matter what side you are on. I do hope you are able to find a resolution and I certainly hope trouble isn't brewing for you with these two mom's wanting to connect.

[Unregistered]

my little one was a biter around that age. I always felt awful. We attached teethers to her clothing, gave her more textured food (in case it was sensory), and read books and talked a lot about not biting our friends (I have that stupid Yo Gabba Gabba "Don't Bite Your Friends" song forever burned into my brain.) We also had to increase supervision. She eventually just grew out of it.

[midaycare]

my little one was a biter around that age. I always felt awful. We attached teethers to her clothing, gave her more textured food (in case it was sensory), and read books and talked a lot about not biting our friends (I have that stupid Yo Gabba Gabba "Don't Bite Your Friends" song forever burned into my brain.) We also had to increase supervision. She eventually just grew out of it.

Totally not funny situation, but that song it something my own DS used to sing. It always used to make me ::. That was before I did home daycare and I was always like, "Do we really need a song about this?" Well, yes. We need a music group dedicated to singing songs about biting, apparently.

[crazydaycarelady]

They talked and apparently the bittens mom would like for me to call the biters mom the next time she bites and have her come to my house and deal with her child. I think this seems ridiculous because not only will it disturb her job it would take her 30 minutes to get here. By that time the bite will have been forgotten by a 20mo. It seems like it would just be punishment for the mom. Also what would mom do that I am not doing?

[Cat Herder]

Which one are you going to let go? :confused:

Partially kidding, but this sounds like a recipe for disaster.

How are you keeping the toddler away from the infant, now?

[mommyneedsadayoff]

They talked and apparently the bittens mom would like for me to call the biters mom the next time she bites and have her come to my house and deal with her child. I think this seems ridiculous because not only will it disturb her job it would take her 30 minutes to get here. By that time the bite will have been forgotten by a 20mo. It seems like it would just be punishment for the mom. Also what would mom do that I am not doing?

I would send out a letter addressing the issue to both parents. Let them know the steps YOU plan to take from this point on. I would not let the baby be around the toddler unsupervised, so if you cannot be right there with them, then the baby goes in pack and play or high chair. All you can do is 100%supervision and from this point on, I would not let the two families hash it out. It is your daycare, so you should tell them how you plan to handle it and what they can do at home to help. You will end up losing a kid otherwise, because it will probably get ugly really fast!

[Cat Herder]

then the baby goes in pack and play or high chair.

I would be very careful with this. It is against most regulations and the law in many states.

I'd go with a gated area, instead, if you can.

Otherwise, dead on, IMHO.

[BabyMonkeys]

I have one of those. He is 20m now and a couple of months ago he started biting the "baby", which is 6m younger than him. He had bitten previously, but never hard enough to leave a mark. Then one day he bit the little ones cheek hard enough to leave a nice mark. The next week he bit him on the arm hard enough to leave a mark. He was my little shadow for three weeks before he "earned" the right to play with his friends without me being close enough to touch him. 1st time I left the room (I could still see them) he bit his shoulder. The bitee's mom isn't happy, but she hasn't been mean about it at all.

The biters family is horrified. They are excellent parents and willing to do whatever I suggest. He is an only child, and never has an opportunity to bite in front of them, so there isn't much they can do.

I'm at a loss. I adore these boys. I've had them both since birth. Right now the only thing I can think of is to have him as my little shadow. That is REALLY hard with a toddler! Hopefully you will receive some advice I can use too!

[rosieteddy]

In our state we are not to tell who the biter is.Obviously parents know.I would send a notice to everyone and tell how you plan to handle this.I used to have a "clubhouse" a pen with gate.My chair was next to it.If I felt the biter should be seperated he went in .If it was to much fun the others went in.I also kept the child in site and if upstairs he sat at the table with a book.......Also ice is a bites friend,it can sometimes take the bite away.I would not let the parents dictate how you manage this.