Got a Real Hard Case

[KiddieCahoots]

If it is possible, I would feed him lunch right when he gets to you and then down he goes for nap. If he is getting no morning nap and waking at 7:30, he needs to go down for a nap asap when he gets to your house. It may take a week or so to transition, but I would let him CIO and get him on pace to sleep 2-3 hours once he gets to your house. And then, depedning on his mood, I would even consider a late afternoon nap, so that when he gets home with mom, he can last longer till bedtime, which I am assuming is probably ten or later. Hopefully, he will adjust if you just stay consistent. He will get used to your house and be able to distinguish between your house and his home and what his routine will be. Kids are very adaptble

.....agree!
Get his needs tended to, then right off to 1st nap. Hopefully that will reel him back into a happier/healthier state of mind when he wakes, instead of that point of "no return" from being so overtired.

[Blackcat31]

I agree, it would be awesome if mom and I could work together on this, but I'm not sure it's going to happen. Some background on this family: mom is a youngish single mom of 3 , no dads involved for any of the kids. She works in a stressful min wage job, lives with her parents who are supportive and loving but unwilling to do the hard work of raising the children (as is their right as grandparents). They don't mind holding baby, though! I don't think it's so much a parenting style at this point as survival mode for mom. She's tired. I'm pretty much her last resort in our area as she needs somebody who accepts subsidy.

You need to stop feeling bad about HER situation.

ALL new moms (young and older) are tired. ALL moms/dads struggle.

Being a single mom with multiple dads has ZERO to do with what the problem is.

If she had the children, she needs to do what's best for them REGARDLESS of her living, working, marital and/or monetary situation.

Parenting IS hard. We dont' get to make excuses as to why we aren't providing the tools our children need to survive in whatever situation we place them in.

I agree with Willow that if mom doesn't get on board with what you need her to do so her child can THRIVE not just survive in care, then I would terminate care. It's not fair to the baby.

I also agree that training him to sleep one way at daycare while sleeping another at home can be done but usually not once they reach a year old in my experience. I think that applies more to a younger infant. A one year old is definitely not the same.

I think you need to have an honest open discussion with mom. Perhaps she can change her ways or she can have her parents watch him until he is old enough to attend care and be able to successfully navigate between daycare routine and home routine easily.

[auntymimi]

You need to stop feeling bad about HER situation.

ALL new moms (young and older) are tired. ALL moms/dads struggle.

Being a single mom with multiple dads has ZERO to do with what the problem is.

If she had the children, she needs to do what's best for them REGARDLESS of her living, working, marital and/or monetary situation.

Parenting IS hard. We dont' get to make excuses as to why we aren't providing the tools our children need to survive in whatever situation we place them in.

I agree with Willow that if mom doesn't get on board with what you need her to do so her child can THRIVE not just survive in care, then I would terminate care. It's not fair to the baby.

I also agree that training him to sleep one way at daycare while sleeping another at home can be done but usually not once they reach a year old in my experience. I think that applies more to a younger infant. A one year old is definitely not the same.

I think you need to have an honest open discussion with mom. Perhaps she can change her ways or she can have her parents watch him until he is old enough to attend care and be able to successfully navigate between daycare routine and home routine easily.

I've had 2 yo transition fairly well, maybe that's where this is heading. I know gma really doesn't want to be a full time caregiver to this child ( while mom is working), maybe that will be the push that's needed to get mom to help. We've discussed this just about every day since the beginning. Seems like mom tells me what she thinks I want to hear and does the opposite at home. I'm sending home handouts on the importance of healthy sleep habits, ect. If we don't have a major breakthrough soon, I'll be forced to put her on notice. It would be my first term, not looking forward to that. Thanks so much for your input.

[auntymimi]

.....agree!
Get his needs tended to, then right off to 1st nap. Hopefully that will reel him back into a happier/healthier state of mind when he wakes, instead of that point of "no return" from being so overtired.

This is what I've been trying to do. We usually nap at 12:30. He's never slept in a crib before, so it's been rough going!

[Thriftylady]

I've had 2 yo transition fairly well, maybe that's where this is heading. I know gma really doesn't want to be a full time caregiver to this child ( while mom is working), maybe that will be the push that's needed to get mom to help. We've discussed this just about every day since the beginning. Seems like mom tells me what she thinks I want to hear and does the opposite at home. I'm sending home handouts on the importance of healthy sleep habits, ect. If we don't have a major breakthrough soon, I'll be forced to put her on notice. It would be my first term, not looking forward to that. Thanks so much for your input.

The problem is, we can't make parents parent. Don't feel bad about her situation. If you term her because she won't do what needs doing, she will find a way, and it may make her realize she needs to parent.

[auntymimi]

The problem is, we can't make parents parent. Don't feel bad about her situation. If you term her because she won't do what needs doing, she will find a way, and it may make her realize she needs to parent.

[Blackcat31]

The problem is, we can't make parents parent. Don't feel bad about her situation. If you term her because she won't do what needs doing, she will find a way, and it may make her realize she needs to parent.

People rarely change their actions until it becomes a problem for them.

Until now, this has only been a problem for you OP, but if it becomes an issue for mom, she will be forced to either change her actions and work with you or she'll have to find alternate care arrangements.

[Heidi]

]In my opinion, and I know many don't agree, a year old is old enough to cry it out.

You simply cannot mimic how dcm gets baby to sleep at home in GROUP care. I would put baby in pack and play and let him cry.[/B]

It's going to take time, and there likely will be regression over week ends and holidays because he will spend more time home.

How long does dcm intend on holding him while sleeping?! The parents have created this issue, and of they won't let baby cry at home, you have a long road ahead of you!

I agree...

Sleep training can work with infants ages 6-8 months, ish...but after that, the ship has sailed. Once they can stand in the crib, that option is done, IMO.

I had a little one enroll last year at 9 months. Previous "babysitter" had her sleeping IN A SWING. I tried sleep training first, but like your little friend, she'd just get more upset every time I went in.

So, I developed my little "external cue" technique. Basically, a clock radio or the music feature on my camera/monitor. I turn it on, then walk into the room. Before I leave the room, I say "I will be back when nap is over...when the music comes on". They usually catch on pretty quickly.

[Willow]

I agree with Willow that if mom doesn't get on board with what you need her to do so her child can THRIVE not just survive in care, then I would terminate care. It's not fair to the baby.

Totally what I was trying to say and failed