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I introduced a short curriculum unit on monster manners. I explained behaving above the line (good), below the line (naughty), & bottom of the line (kicking, hitting, yelling, spitting, etc). They helped me categorize behaviors & have been using those terms commenting on behavior as "above the line" the last couple days. I've been working on teaching them to self-regulate behavior by deciding for themselves how they're doing instead of asking me "Am I being good?" all day. I was thinking of having a "bragging circle" at the end of the day where the kids could each share one "above the line" act they caught a friend doing that day. Ie; I saw Suzy share her horse with Billy even though she was having fun with it. Would that be a positive for them & an encouragement to get caught being good, or would that fuel the constant seeking of praise? Thoughts?
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While I do like the idea of being able to share and "brag" a bit about good behaviors, I am in the camp of not rewarding for expected (good/positive) behaviors.
I think a lot of issues we have with kids now days is the mistaken belief that all good behavior must be rewarded.
When I was growing up, the feeling I got from being well behaved or doing good was it's own reward and something we were taught to strive for verses just doing good to get something (attention, praise, being able to brag about it, rewards, treats etc).
Honestly, what I would do is have a chat session about the behaviors that were below the line and what choices or behaviors we could have done differently the next time so that the behaviors become above the line verses below..kwim? To me that is learning.
I understand the point of positive re-enforcement etc but I am just not a huge believer in using it daily because to me it creates a need for some type of "reward" every time something good is done.
I want them to be good/do good because it's the right thing to do and the reward is feeling good about yourself.
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Yes, this.
I understand the point of positive re-enforcement etc but I am just not a huge believer in using it daily because to me it creates a need for some type of "reward" every time something good is done.
I want them to be good/do good because it's the right thing to do and the reward is feeling good about yourself.
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I agree with a lot of what pps have said.
But I do a "caught being kind" thing. If I see a child going above and beyond normal good child behavior I will make a good deal about praising them in the moment. If they are being extra super awesome or everyone else is being awful I might even give the kid an M&M or whatever treat I have on hand. I would say "Oh my goodness! Everyone! I just caught Joe being so kind! He went and found Sara a toy because she was sad. What a nice friend you are Joe, high five!" But I have to catch them being kind, if they point it out themselves it doesn't count because I would also like them to be humble.Comment
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I send home "good apple" awards for when I see something exceptional. Eg. a child forgot show and tell, and started to cry and another child just handed her his own show and tell. When I reminded him that if he gave it to her, he wouldn't have one to share he said "It makes me happy when she is happy." AWWWWWWWWWW! Good apple award went on his sheet right then and there. (it's just apple shaped post its)Comment
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Yes, this I what I'm concerned about. I feel strongly that doing the right thing b/c its the right thing I the only way to develop character. My struggle is that a couple of my kids come from families that praise for literally everything. And these children are very disobedient / defiant so I really don't get it. I just feel like most of my day is spent redirecting their negative behavior & was trying to find a way to shift the focus to the positive instead of the negative. Also they seek praise all day long with the "Do you like my curls? Am I pretty? Am I a kind friend? Do I write my name as well as so and so?, etc) & my response is typically"Do you think so? Do you like your curls? Etc) so I was thinking maybe if I offered a chance to earn praise for making good choices rather than for just existing it might help. Lol I can see though that it may just add to the craving for more praise.While I do like the idea of being able to share and "brag" a bit about good behaviors, I am in the camp of not rewarding for expected (good/positive) behaviors.
I think a lot of issues we have with kids now days is the mistaken belief that all good behavior must be rewarded.
When I was growing up, the feeling I got from being well behaved or doing good was it's own reward and something we were taught to strive for verses just doing good to get something (attention, praise, being able to brag about it, rewards, treats etc).
Honestly, what I would do is have a chat session about the behaviors that were below the line and what choices or behaviors we could have done differently the next time so that the behaviors become above the line verses below..kwim? To me that is learning.
I understand the point of positive re-enforcement etc but I am just not a huge believer in using it daily because to me it creates a need for some type of "reward" every time something good is done.
I want them to be good/do good because it's the right thing to do and the reward is feeling good about yourself.Comment
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How about something like I do with my dc (and my own kids) we pick a thumbs up and a thumbs down moment to share from our day. I make it a point to touch base on how their behavior/choice made them feel- and how it made others feel.Comment
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Pointing out the below the line behaviors & how to do better next time would be beneficial. Also maybe it would encourage them to see how these behaviors make their friends feel.Comment
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