Stopping the cycle

[Josiegirl]

I've got 2 2 yos and a 3.5 yo, they cannot keep their hands to themselves. They are now all hitting, pinching, scratching, pulling hair. It all started with the 3.5 yo but now it's also her sister and another lil 2 yo. How do you stop it once it has escalated to this point?
This week is a big transition week with all the SA dcks going back to school. Next week I have 14 month old twins starting. I certainly don't want them going home scratched too.

So how do you stop the cycle?? I've been working with the 3.5 yo for awhile now and it doesn't seem to be getting much better. Now with 2 more dcks doing it too??:confused:

Oh and the 2 sisters aren't just doing it here. They caught the youngest dd sneaking off her bed last night, going to her sister's bed, scratching her then when she'd hear her daddy coming she'd run back and try to get back into bed before he caught her.

[Blackcat31]

I've got 2 2 yos and a 3.5 yo, they cannot keep their hands to themselves. They are now all hitting, pinching, pulling hair. It all started with the 3.5 yo but now it's also her sister and another lil 2 yo. How do you stop it once it has escalated to this point?
This week is a big transition week with all the SA dcks going back to school. Next week I have 14 month old twins starting. I certainly don't want them going home scratched too.

So how do you stop the cycle?? I've been working with the 3.5 yo for awhile now and it doesn't seem to be getting much better. Now with 2 more dcks doing it too??:confused:

Hula Hoops.

Give each child a hula hoop (or blanket) and do not allow them to play outside of or off the designated play space.

The blankets/hula hoops are great for visual understanding and teach kids personal space.

If you want to start fresh each day or each section of the day, have them start out a s group playing and when one (or more) hit, push or invade someone else's space, they go to the blanket or hula hoop until you say.

Rinse and repeat along with lots of positive reinforcement for good behaviors.

[Josiegirl]

Thanks BC, I'll give that a try. So far, nothing I've done has worked very well.
One child, I can keep up with that(almost) but give me 3 that are doing it and wow, days are long. I expected the 3.5 yo to be done with the phase long before now but she's developmentally delayed a little bit and has speech problems so that's probably why she still uses that method of torturing others for attention.

[Fiddlesticks]

I do the same as Blackcat, as soon as they violate the "keep hands off others" rule, group time is over and they go to separate areas to play.

[Josiegirl]

I talked with dcm this a.m. and told her what I was going to try. She said they used that before where she worked with difficult children, except they taped off a spot for them. So that's what I did this a.m. All the kids were at tables nicely doing puzzles when dcg decided she was done. I asked her to come back and pick the pieces up. She wouldn't so I was guiding her back to the table to help and she scratched me down my arm. I immediately got the tape, marked off a spot for her, put some books in there and said sit, do not leave this square. She was as good as gold, all a.m. long after that!! Crossing my fingers and hoping this helps!!
Thanks again!

[Heidi]

I talked with dcm this a.m. and told her what I was going to try. She said they used that before where she worked with difficult children, except they taped off a spot for them. So that's what I did this a.m. All the kids were at tables nicely doing puzzles when dcg decided she was done. I asked her to come back and pick the pieces up. She wouldn't so I was guiding her back to the table to help and she scratched me down my arm. I immediately got the tape, marked off a spot for her, put some books in there and said sit, do not leave this square. She was as good as gold, all a.m. long after that!! Crossing my fingers and hoping this helps!!
Thanks again!

She scratched YOU? Man...my hand twitches when I hear that...old school...::::::

[Josiegirl]

She scratched YOU? Man...my hand twitches when I hear that...old school...::::::

Yeh, I was shocked too. I think that's why she's been as good as gold since. She knew she'd crossed a serious line with that move. But to be honest, I'd rather get scratched than have to explain to another parent why their child has a scratch.

You ever find yourself thinking...why if you were MY kid I'd.......

[Blackcat31]

You ever find yourself thinking...why if you were MY kid I'd.......

There are times in which I have actually said that out loud to a child. Usually under some pretty extreme circumstances though...

"You are lucky you aren't my child at this particular moment"

......they usually always "get" what I mean. ::

[grateday]

You have my group the way they used to be

It seemed like it took forever to teach them - 5 months.

I taught them a lot of words to communicate with one another, watched them intensly. Analyzed what the antecedent was. Analyzed the temperments, help them understand one another.


I had a calm approach, and picked out the one who resorted to that behavior the most to decide what that child needed the most.

I still struggle with some behaviors- but the more violent behavior has stopped now that they have more words to work with and understand one another a little better. I also taught them some ways to avoid things by physically stepping back and using words. I had them all practice these things too, over and over again. I have some that just move in waayyyyy to close to one another.

I also started checking nails every week.
In the process of figuring things out I got turned on by at least 2 of the 3. One pulled my hair in a rage. The other bit me and called me a bad word. The one who called me the bad word has more issues and is here part time. The one with the rage issue was because an exaggerated fight or flight response over something I said (time out). That hair pulling rage attack caused me to put myself in time out and take a series of deep breaths.

One out of the three parents was actually concerned about the childs behavior.

They are all girls. It seems like for girls it kind of drags on, can get loud with these obvious over exaggerated seeking tears. For boys its a faster sort of spat and then they can get over it. I do the same thing with the boys and teach communication skills.

Teaching communication skills can get exhausting though if you have a persistent child and they use the skills but still "do" the behavior. Mondays can be a bit rough for me.

I use time outs a lot less. Time outs now are for those that need a time in..(Seeking not using social communication skills after many attempts, Persistent behaviors that interfere with peaceful play). During time in (they are not sitting somewhere) we discuss it and that child is seperated for as long as it takes the other child to calm down who they have upset. A gate is put up. I talk to the child who seeks, I talk to the child who was playing. I get a feel for intention, what was the intent. What did the other perceive to be going on. I take it from there and use that strategy to avoid further struggles in the future. I work on building friend skills, especially with those who seem to struggle with it.