Death Today..

[Meeko]

My dearest "sisters"......today is the worst day ever and I need all the suggestions you can give me to get through this.

I have been a provider for almost 30 years and never had a little one die in my care. Today that changed.

I went to check on our 4 mth old dcb and he wasn't breathing. I screamed for my son to call 911 and started cpr.

The paramedics and police all arrived and took over...but he didn't make it.

The police and licensing say I did everything right...but OH the hurt tonight. I just got a beautiful text from the parents telling me they love me and understand I did all I could.

I can't stop crying. He was a gorgeous, happy, sweet baby. I have had his sister here for the past two and a half years.

My heart aches for his parents. Wonderful people.

So if any of you have been through this or have any advice...I'll take it. I am so lost. I have already decided that I will not tend babies any more. Only a year plus.

I feel so helpless. I keep wanting to wake up from this nightmare.

Wee have had an outpouring of support from our daycare parents and friends and church members/neighbors. But this is something I always dreaded.

Have any of you gone through this???

Please keep the parents in your prayers.

I will keep you updated.....

[Thriftylady]

I have not gone through this, but you and the family are in my prayers.

[jenboo]

I'll be praying for you! I know someone who went through this year's ago. I'll see if they would be willing to talk to you. Please message me the way you prefer to be contact.
Hopefully she will be able to help or at least she will understand what you are going through.

[mommiebookworm]

I'm so sorry. I pray for healing and peace for you. I can't imagine what you are going through.

[nanglgrl]

I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry for your loss. I was in the same situation once, the child was the same age and I watched her two older siblings for years. I lived in a duplex at the time and screamed such a terrified scream my next door neighbor burst through my door to see what was wrong. I was doing CPR at the time and she helped wrangle all of the other children including the babys siblings. My neighbor had a baby who had died from SIDS years prior and was in shock herself.
The parents were absolutely wonderful and even though they were grieving horribly they extended their love to me for which I will be forever grateful. I was in shock. My home was a crime scene until an autopsy could be done. We lived in a hotel for a bit. A baby died on my watch.
I blamed myself. That day had been different than most. Most days the baby and her siblings arrived early and I held her while she slept but that morning I decided to make a big breakfast for the children and put her in the crib. I could hear her crying periodically because she wasn't used to not being held to sleep but I decided she would be fine until I could finish up breakfast and get the kids off to school. When she stopped crying I went to check on her and she was gone.
I had so much blame for myself and I guess I still do even though in my heart of hearts I know I nothing I could have done or not done would have changed the outcome. I will always have the "what ifs" and the "whys". I went to a SIDS support group and it helped to hear the stories of others and even a story from a doctor who said he had a baby die of SIDS in his arms. They talked about it as if it were like a light switch that someone flipped to the off position. The baby was healthy, no abuse, laying on her back, if I remember right the parents did smoke, she had immunizations he day before and a slight cold. There were some factors that could have contributed but was such a happy, healthy, sweet baby it was and still is hard to believe that she was just gone in an instant.
I didn't take any babies under a year for years and when I had my next child I bought an angelcare monitor. I was so scared and so was my family..every time the alarm went off on that thing we all went running to the crib. I don't think I stopped making sure my two youngest were breathing at night until they were 3 years old. I still freak out when I wake up and my 5 year old is beside me and too still.
I take one infant at a time now and only over 6 months old and only if I have to. I check on breathing regularly and often have to put my finger on the baby's mouth because I want to make extra sure the baby is ok. When the baby is sleeping and we get caught up in an activity and I get a strong feeling to check I freak out and RUN to the babies bed.
I don't think the feeling will ever go away, even with my grandchildren someday. If you need to talk please feel free to message me. :hug:

[Baby Beluga]

Oh Meeko, I'm so very, very sorry :hug:

[grateday]

I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry for your loss. I was in the same situation once, the child was the same age and I watched her two older siblings for years. I lived in a duplex at the time and screamed such a terrified scream my next door neighbor burst through my door to see what was wrong. I was doing CPR at the time and she helped wrangle all of the other children including the babys siblings. My neighbor had a baby who had died from SIDS years prior and was in shock herself.
The parents were absolutely wonderful and even though they were grieving horribly they extended their love to me for which I will be forever grateful. I was in shock. My home was a crime scene until an autopsy could be done. We lived in a hotel for a bit. A baby died on my watch.
I blamed myself. That day had been different than most. Most days the baby and her siblings arrived early and I held her while she slept but that morning I decided to make a big breakfast for the children and put her in the crib. I could hear her crying periodically because she wasn't used to not being held to sleep but I decided she would be fine until I could finish up breakfast and get the kids off to school. When she stopped crying I went to check on her and she was gone.
I had so much blame for myself and I guess I still do even though in my heart of hearts I know I nothing I could have done or not done would have changed the outcome. I will always have the "what ifs" and the "whys". I went to a SIDS support group and it helped to hear the stories of others and even a story from a doctor who said he had a baby die of SIDS in his arms. They talked about it as if it were like a light switch that someone flipped to the off position. The baby was healthy, no abuse, laying on her back, if I remember right the parents did smoke, she had immunizations he day before and a slight cold. There were some factors that could have contributed but was such a happy, healthy, sweet baby it was and still is hard to believe that she was just gone in an instant.
I didn't take any babies under a year for years and when I had my next child I bought an angelcare monitor. I was so scared and so was my family..every time the alarm went off on that thing we all went running to the crib. I don't think I stopped making sure my two youngest were breathing at night until they were 3 years old. I still freak out when I wake up and my 5 year old is beside me and too still.
I take one infant at a time now and only over 6 months old and only if I have to. I check on breathing regularly and often have to put my finger on the baby's mouth because I want to make extra sure the baby is ok. When the baby is sleeping and we get caught up in an activity and I get a strong feeling to check I freak out and RUN to the babies bed.

I don't think the feeling will ever go away, even with my grandchildren someday. If you need to talk please feel free to message me. :hug:

Your stories break my heart and I could not take babies if it ever happened to me. :hug:

[Bookworm]

Father God in the name of Jesus! I'm so sorry for you and the parents. You are in my prayers.

[BumbleBee]

My heart goes out to you Meeko. I have no advice or suggestions. All I can say is I'm praying for you. Please let us know if there's anything we can do for you

[Controlled Chaos]

I just prayed some tearful prayers - wishing to send you and the baby's parents peace, love and hope tonight. I am so sorry. ❤️❤️❤️

[Josiegirl]

There is nothing I can offer except a heartfelt I'm so sorry. It must be hell for all of you. I am very sorry.

[hope]

Meeko, I am so sorry. You will be in my families prayers.

[Rockgirl]

(((Meeko)))

I am so very, very sorry. You are in my prayers right now, as well as the baby's family.

[Sugar Magnolia]

My sincerest sympathies to you and the family.

[Play Care]

I am so sorry.

Prayers to you and the infant's family.