27 month old cries on 2nd week of daycare

[ajayrv]

Good afternoon everyone, Im pretty new to this. I've asked different parents from my job but I still want to know more answers.. Call me paranoid but I just care for my daughter.

Basically I started my daughter in daycare last week for 2 days Wed-Thurs.. She was perfectly fine... But today dropping her off was a different story... She is clingy and doesn't want to let me go and she cried.. Her friends was there and she didn't want to play with them... What is going on ? Is this normal ? One mom told me that it's a little hard the trick is to let them play and leave without saying good bye.... thats hard IMO... kindly please advice ? I'm not sure if it's the day care my daughter hates or it's a new thing for her....

[Heidi]

Yes, it's very normal!

The first two days, she didn't really realize that you were leaving. Now, it's "clicked", and she does.

Chances are, she's stopped crying shortly after you leave. Some children may cry more, others will stop before you're out the driveway.

What does your provider say? If you need reassurance, and provider says it's quick, then maybe you can wait outside and listen (let your provider know, though, so she doesn't feel spied on). Or, ask her to send you a picture/text when your daughter is settled in. This is something I do a lot with new kids.

Lastly, don't let your child see that her crying upsets you. Time to use your best acting skills! Keep the goodbye sweet and cheery, ignore the tears, reassure her that you will be back after nap/snack (check the schedule), and then go.

Some kids do better if they can wave goodbye and watch you drive away. Others don't. You're provider can try both. Just remember, save your own tears for when you're out of sight!

The easier you make it, the shorter this will last. If she's part time, it will take longer, because it's 'new" every time. I've been working with kids for 25 years, it's VERY common.

Lastly, NEVER leave her without saying goodbye. Say goodbye in a friendly, simple way, but always say goodbye. Don't trick her; that's just horrible, and only reinforces her fear that you might just disappear for good.

[Leigh]

I have a kid who has been with me for 2.5 years (he's over 3) who still cries at drop off sometimes. He also cries that he wants to stay at pickup time and that he wants to live with me forever. It's normal for a child to cry (or even completely lose it) at drop off when they're new, sometimes even when they're not new. Transitions are hard for little ones, they're working on those skills. You can help by saying goodbyes before entering the building, dropping off as quickly as you can (take your child to the drop off place, say goodbye, and walk away-don't go back, don't comfort-it just reinforces that transitions are bad and maybe even scary). It's tough for a parent to do, but we have to do it.

[nannyde]

Good afternoon everyone, Im pretty new to this. I've asked different parents from my job but I still want to know more answers.. Call me paranoid but I just care for my daughter.

Basically I started my daughter in daycare last week for 2 days Wed-Thurs.. She was perfectly fine... But today dropping her off was a different story... She is clingy and doesn't want to let me go and she cried.. Her friends was there and she didn't want to play with them... What is going on ? Is this normal ? One mom told me that it's a little hard the trick is to let them play and leave without saying good bye.... thats hard IMO... kindly please advice ? I'm not sure if it's the day care my daughter hates or it's a new thing for her....

I always tell the parents the crying at drop off will happen on day three. The newness has worn off and now she GETS the time part of it.

They don't really have friends at this age so no worries. They could replace every kid out tomorrow. Same difference.

Just tell her the truth... you have to go to work so she stays here. Say goodbye quickly and leave with great cheer. If she needs to cry do that in the car and bring her in when she is ready to go in without crying. It may take minutes or hours so build cry time into it.

If you don't want to do the crying in the car then swoop her in quickly and out the door. You can't help her in any way. She has to figure it out herself.

[Leigh]

I always tell the parents the crying at drop off will happen on day three. The newness has worn off and now she GETS the time part of it.

They don't really have friends at this age so no worries. They could replace every kid out tomorrow. Same difference.

Just tell her the truth... you have to go to work so she stays here. Say goodbye quickly and leave with great cheer. If she needs to cry do that in the car and bring her in when she is ready to go in without crying. It may take minutes or hours so build cry time into it.

If you don't want to do the crying in the car then swoop her in quickly and out the door. You can't help her in any way. She has to figure it out herself.

You're so right. However, my kid that started last week didn't start until day FOUR! ::::

[ajayrv]

First of all I want to say a big Thank You to everyone that replied.:hug:. It really helped a lot Here are my responses below

Yes, it's very normal!

The first two days, she didn't really realize that you were leaving. Now, it's "clicked", and she does.

Chances are, she's stopped crying shortly after you leave. Some children may cry more, others will stop before you're out the driveway.

What does your provider say? If you need reassurance, and provider says it's quick, then maybe you can wait outside and listen (let your provider know, though, so she doesn't feel spied on). Or, ask her to send you a picture/text when your daughter is settled in. This is something I do a lot with new kids.

Lastly, don't let your child see that her crying upsets you. Time to use your best acting skills! Keep the goodbye sweet and cheery, ignore the tears, reassure her that you will be back after nap/snack (check the schedule), and then go.

Some kids do better if they can wave goodbye and watch you drive away. Others don't. You're provider can try both. Just remember, save your own tears for when you're out of sight!

The easier you make it, the shorter this will last. If she's part time, it will take longer, because it's 'new" every time. I've been working with kids for 25 years, it's VERY common.

Lastly, NEVER leave her without saying goodbye. Say goodbye in a friendly, simple way, but always say goodbye. Don't trick her; that's just horrible, and only reinforces her fear that you might just disappear for good.

I think you are right and it makes sense that it did click to her.. The past days I called the provider they either say she stopped crying 10 minutes after I left or stopped crying when they got into their classrooms (They have a greeting room from 7-8 before going to their classrooms) I think I need a reassurance I will be outside and just listen for a few minutes.. I'll be honest the first time she cried I was a little upset and gave her a hug.. Today the caretaker/caregiver took my daughter and I just said good bye and didn't show any frustration at all. The thing with my daughter today though was when she saw us parked right next to the daycare she was starting to cry and told me "home" and I had to talk to her that I'll come pick her up later I have to work and kissed her.. But after kissing her she wanted to be carried... and there she started crying.. I was sad...

I have a kid who has been with me for 2.5 years (he's over 3) who still cries at drop off sometimes. He also cries that he wants to stay at pickup time and that he wants to live with me forever. It's normal for a child to cry (or even completely lose it) at drop off when they're new, sometimes even when they're not new. Transitions are hard for little ones, they're working on those skills. You can help by saying goodbyes before entering the building, dropping off as quickly as you can (take your child to the drop off place, say goodbye, and walk away-don't go back, don't comfort-it just reinforces that transitions are bad and maybe even scary). It's tough for a parent to do, but we have to do it.

I think you are right that she is still developing that skill, she is so used to staying home with my mom or my wife if she is off. One of the parents also told me to drop them off immediately and say all the goodbyes and kisses before going in and dont comfort it.. Comforting was my main problem.. I just cant see her crying..

I always tell the parents the crying at drop off will happen on day three. The newness has worn off and now she GETS the time part of it.

They don't really have friends at this age so no worries. They could replace every kid out tomorrow. Same difference.

Just tell her the truth... you have to go to work so she stays here. Say goodbye quickly and leave with great cheer. If she needs to cry do that in the car and bring her in when she is ready to go in without crying. It may take minutes or hours so build cry time into it.

If you don't want to do the crying in the car then swoop her in quickly and out the door. You can't help her in any way. She has to figure it out herself.

I'm hoping that the crying stops this week I'm really hoping. I wish I can build the cry time but I take the train and the schedule is not good

You're so right. However, my kid that started last week didn't start until day FOUR! ::::

Hahaha how's your kid now ?

[Leigh]

First of all I want to say a big Thank You to everyone that replied.:hug:. It really helped a lot Here are my responses below



I think you are right and it makes sense that it did click to her.. The past days I called the provider they either say she stopped crying 10 minutes after I left or stopped crying when they got into their classrooms (They have a greeting room from 7-8 before going to their classrooms) I think I need a reassurance I will be outside and just listen for a few minutes.. I'll be honest the first time she cried I was a little upset and gave her a hug.. Today the caretaker/caregiver took my daughter and I just said good bye and didn't show any frustration at all. The thing with my daughter today though was when she saw us parked right next to the daycare she was starting to cry and told me "home" and I had to talk to her that I'll come pick her up later I have to work and kissed her.. But after kissing her she wanted to be carried... and there she started crying.. I was sad...



I think you are right that she is still developing that skill, she is so used to staying home with my mom or my wife if she is off. One of the parents also told me to drop them off immediately and say all the goodbyes and kisses before going in and dont comfort it.. Comforting was my main problem.. I just cant see her crying..



I'm hoping that the crying stops this week I'm really hoping. I wish I can build the cry time but I take the train and the schedule is not good




Hahaha how's your kid now ?

He cried for 30 seconds today, and then was fine. He just cries until he's sure his cries aren't bringing his parents back. He still looks worried sometimes, and sometimes he cries when ANYONE leaves the room, but he's adjusting. When his Mom drops him off, she's quick about it. When Dad drops off, dad has to keep comforting him, and it takes him much longer to adjust. Friday, he had issues all day, but Monday and today, he's quite happy and playful, and CURIOUS!

[Heidi]

OP-

I realize it's hard to imagine, but your child will use tears to manipulate you at this age.

Yes, she's genuinely sad that you're leaving, but she will also catch on really fast if that makes you hesitate.

I see it every day here. Little girl who has been here since she was six WEEKS old (and is now almost 3), puts on a lengthy goodbye show every day when mom drops off (not so with dad). Sometimes it's crying, sometimes it just a million hugs or (very pregnant) mom has to carry her in. Mom and I trying to have ANY sort of conversation is almost impossible, as Little One gets in her mother's lap and in her face to obstruct her view. Very rude, IMO. But, I try to stay out of her parenting. If she did that to me (and yes, she's tried), I would simply gently take her off my lap. She'd understand very quickly that it's not okay.

I think my little friend will have a huge wake up call in a couple months when her baby brother arrives!