Training Parents?? This Is Long, Sorry

[lizzlee]

I'm new to home daycare, have stayed home with my children several years after previously working in a Pre-K classroom for several years. I remember from Pre-K that parents new to the policies/procedures can be pretty clueless for the first little while and some never quite "get it". I have started caring for a little girl 21 months, whose mom (stepmom actually, but she and dad have full custody) is the daughter of a good friend of mine. The dcm is pretty young, but has been the primary caregiver for this little girl and her three year old sister for around a year.
Since starting care, the mom has not been able to give me a set schedule, she works 12 hour shifts PRN at the hospital. She texted at 9:15 Sunday night asking if I could watch the dcg on Monday, I said yes. She showed up with a runny nose, very red throat, and obviously not feeling well...probably had something for a fever before she got here. Dcm says "oh it's just her allergies", so I asked what she was taking for her allergies, "oh I forgot her medicine"...her fever started rising around 10:00 so I called for pickup and she picked her up and told me she didn't work again until Friday but that Dad would be keeping her home that day because he was off work.
Texted me Wednesday afternoon asking if I could keep her Thursday and Friday. I said yes and asked if she was feeling better. She says yes and that she just has a raspy cough and "you can tell it's allergies". She drops off at 6:30 so I got up at 6:00 to find that she had texted me about 5:30am telling me that Dad is off work and he is watching dcg. No call, no text, no show today.
Now I know from her mom that she is scheduled to work Saturday and Sunday, but she has not talked to me about caring for dcg. My daughter is now sick from the "allergies" probably...and I'm not mad about that, I know that is part of childcare...but if she is still feeling bad tomorrow I plan to take her to the walk in sick clinic at her pediatrician.
I would like to continue to care for this child because she is very sweet and easy to care for, and it pays well for the 12 hour shifts that I have her. I have not texted Mom about tomorrow, because I think she needs to take responsibility for arranging care. I think if she texts at the last minute today, I should act surprised because I didn't know she was needing me and tell her that I have made plans for tomorrow.
So I guess my question is this: how to you "train" parents to respect your policies and procedures. Like I said before, she is young, and I've known her since she was a young teenager. I really would like to see her be successful in her job and in her role as mother to the two little girls. I want to be a help to her, but this is my job.

[rosieteddy]

I think if you want a good working relationship you need to sit down and go over your policies. She just doesn't get it.I would be busy this weekend if you want to be. Ialso think there should be a fee for no shows

[finsup]

I'm new to home daycare, have stayed home with my children several years after previously working in a Pre-K classroom for several years. I remember from Pre-K that parents new to the policies/procedures can be pretty clueless for the first little while and some never quite "get it". I have started caring for a little girl 21 months, whose mom (stepmom actually, but she and dad have full custody) is the daughter of a good friend of mine. The dcm is pretty young, but has been the primary caregiver for this little girl and her three year old sister for around a year.
Since starting care, the mom has not been able to give me a set schedule, she works 12 hour shifts PRN at the hospital. She texted at 9:15 Sunday night asking if I could watch the dcg on Monday, I said yes. She showed up with a runny nose, very red throat, and obviously not feeling well...probably had something for a fever before she got here. Dcm says "oh it's just her allergies", so I asked what she was taking for her allergies, "oh I forgot her medicine"...her fever started rising around 10:00 so I called for pickup and she picked her up and told me she didn't work again until Friday but that Dad would be keeping her home that day because he was off work.
Texted me Wednesday afternoon asking if I could keep her Thursday and Friday. I said yes and asked if she was feeling better. She says yes and that she just has a raspy cough and "you can tell it's allergies". She drops off at 6:30 so I got up at 6:00 to find that she had texted me about 5:30am telling me that Dad is off work and he is watching dcg. No call, no text, no show today.
Now I know from her mom that she is scheduled to work Saturday and Sunday, but she has not talked to me about caring for dcg. My daughter is now sick from the "allergies" probably...and I'm not mad about that, I know that is part of childcare...but if she is still feeling bad tomorrow I plan to take her to the walk in sick clinic at her pediatrician.
I would like to continue to care for this child because she is very sweet and easy to care for, and it pays well for the 12 hour shifts that I have her. I have not texted Mom about tomorrow, because I think she needs to take responsibility for arranging care. I think if she texts at the last minute today, I should act surprised because I didn't know she was needing me and tell her that I have made plans for tomorrow.
So I guess my question is this: how to you "train" parents to respect your policies and procedures. Like I said before, she is young, and I've known her since she was a young teenager. I really would like to see her be successful in her job and in her role as mother to the two little girls. I want to be a help to her, but this is my job.

I had a difficult family with a rotating schedule. They would never tell me when they needed care and often would text Monday morning when dcb would be here. Doesn't work for me at all! So I wrote up a new policy stating their schedule must be turned in by 5pm Saturday or care would not be provided. Care was not provided a few times sadly they never "got it". Same with the sickness policy, dcb was always getting sent home sick not before infecting everyone else. Bottom line was they wanted control and fought me on everything. I did end up terming but I think in some cases you can make it work. I'd write up new policies, go over it with dcm and have her sign it. Then hold her to it (that's the tricky part because there will always be an " excuse" on their part). Once she sees you won't back down and are serious, she will hopefully learn from it! I would be busy tomorrow too YOu could actually use it as a good segway into new rules. Like "I felt terrible yesterday that you didn't have care when you needed it so I sat down and created a new policy that will help ensure that doesn't happen again and allow things to run smoothly here!"

[Unregistered]

I had to refuse a dcp once just out of principle. I had room and chose to deny . I hope you are getting paid regardless of attendance!

[Controlled Chaos]

Parents are often harder to train than children

But like children its the same principles,
*Set clear expectations and boundaries
*Be consistent with consequences
*Praise good behavior "Thank you for giving me your schedule a day earlier than I require, you are so organized and thoughtful!"

[nannyde]

Require she provide documentation of exactly what the child is allergic to... what testing was used to determine the allergy and the date of the testing.

If you do not have documentation of exactly what the child is allergic to you can't assure her safety in your care. You MUST have this in writing.

NEVER allow a parental diagnosis of allergies. Parents are almost always wrong when they diagnose allergies. The percentage of children with allergies is quite low. The percentage of parents who believe their child has allergies is almost 100 percent if the kid goes to daycare.

Require she give you a schedule on Friday for the upcoming week and pay in advance. No refunds if the child doesn't attend for ANY reason including illness exclusion. No switching days. If she misses a day and needs a different day she pays for both.

[nannyde]

I have a very lengthy chapter in my book on parental lying. There is a full chapter on illness lying which will teach you the exact phrases the parent will use and their body language.

The book is called: Daycare Whisperer Doing Daycare: This job would be great if it weren't for the parents. It's on Amazon and Barnes and Nobel in ebook and paperback.

[Thriftylady]

I agree with the parents and needing documentation of allergies. My own daughter has allergies and asthma and until she had allergy testing, I didn't even have a real grip on what she was allergic to.

Also, I just talked to my doctor a couple weeks ago about the testing I had for food allergies as a teen. I was worried I had a gluten allergy. They ruled that out in the office visit, but told me that they don't really do "blanket" food allergy testing anymore because of the high number of false positives. She told me that as long as I had been eating all the foods I tested positive to, to keep eating them. They say now if you eat it and get by with it, keep eating it. Now of course that isn't true if you break out or have something where they can say for sure it is an allergy, but that is a case by case basis.

[lizzlee]

Thank you all for the replies and advice. I finally talked to her by phone because she kept sending grandma or dad to pick up. I approached it from the point of view that if I know ahead of time when you need care, I can be sure that I'm available because I would feel so badly if you text me the night before and I have plans for that day. She said "if you need a day off, that's okay, I can find someone else for that day"... What????

It's 5:00pm Sunday and I know she works tomorrow but she hasn't scheduled any days this week as of now. I think what's happening is that she is calling me if and only if grandma or someone else won't watch the little girl for free. I don't have a contract with her, and I will address that immediately. I plan to tell her that the alternative to giving me a schedule and paying me for the days she schedules is drop in care and that's a different rate as well as subject to availability. I can tell she doesn't get it and I'm going to have to be very direct with her. I have an interview for tomorrow pm for a family with multiple children who only need afternoon care from the time dad leaves for work until mom gets home. That would work so well with my schedule, so I'm very excited and hoping it goes well!!

[Controlled Chaos]

Thank you all for the replies and advice. I finally talked to her by phone because she kept sending grandma or dad to pick up. I approached it from the point of view that if I know ahead of time when you need care, I can be sure that I'm available because I would feel so badly if you text me the night before and I have plans for that day. She said "if you need a day off, that's okay, I can find someone else for that day"... What????

It's 5:00pm Sunday and I know she works tomorrow but she hasn't scheduled any days this week as of now. I think what's happening is that she is calling me if and only if grandma or someone else won't watch the little girl for free. I don't have a contract with her, and I will address that immediately. I plan to tell her that the alternative to giving me a schedule and paying me for the days she schedules is drop in care and that's a different rate as well as subject to availability. I can tell she doesn't get it and I'm going to have to be very direct with her. I have an interview for tomorrow pm for a family with multiple children who only need afternoon care from the time dad leaves for work until mom gets home. That would work so well with my schedule, so I'm very excited and hoping it goes well!!

Hope the interview goes well!