Previous Abuse

[Unregistered]

Hello - I am logged out for privacy

I recently interviewed a very nice family looking for care. I do think they would be a great fit with my program. My only hesitation is that their child experienced some physical abuse at their last provider (licensed fcc).

I think my program could be very helpful and exactly what they need, not only to meet daycare needs, but to help move past what they experienced with previous provider. However, my hesitation is the potential heightened scrutiny they may bring, and potential liability. I worry that they will assume any normal bump/scrape is abuse. But I also don't want to decline care because they I feel they shouldn't be punished for a situation that was out of their control.

I guess my question is, would you be willing to take on a family that experienced this? Why or why not? Thank you.

[Heidi]

My first thought would be that I would want some confirmation that there was abuse. If it's a regulated provider, is there public records you can see? I'd probably not tell the family that I was checking out their story, and it wouldn't be to breach their confidentiality; I'd be to protect myself only.

Then, I'd probably take the child. However, I'd be pretty vigilant about noting any injuries in my log book.

How old is the child?

[Unregistered]

The little one is two. The abuse was documented and provider investigated so their story holds up. Sadly.

Little one seems like they would adjust fairly easily and I'm sure it will just take time for the parents to fully relax, understandably so.

[Heidi]

The little one is two. The abuse was documented and provider investigated so their story holds up. Sadly.

Little one seems like they would adjust fairly easily and I'm sure it will just take time for the parents to fully relax, understandably so.

Definately!

I guess I would just worry about certain policies I have. For example, I highly discourage and sort of drop offs and during nap, but I can't PREVENT anyone from coming at ANY time to see their children. It's sort of "you can, but I prefer you don't".

But, if that child has been in a bad situation, I think the parents might be uncomfortable with that, and I could totally understand why. So, it would mess up my system, and I'm very reluctant to have my systems messed with!

[Stephnrich]

One of my favorite kids/families came from a situation like you describe. The provider left red handprints and whelps on the girl's back and bottom. Mom showed me pics the police took. She was about 16 months. I can't understand what would've made the provider so that anyway, but this little girl has such an easy going personality. Both parents were a bit nervous for the first few months, but nothing too over the top. If you like the child and family, I'd do it.

[nannyde]

The little one is two. The abuse was documented and provider investigated so their story holds up. Sadly.

Little one seems like they would adjust fairly easily and I'm sure it will just take time for the parents to fully relax, understandably so.

Have you seen the documentation?

[daycarediva]

My first thought would be that I would want some confirmation that there was abuse. If it's a regulated provider, is there public records you can see? I'd probably not tell the family that I was checking out their story, and it wouldn't be to breach their confidentiality; I'd be to protect myself only.

Then, I'd probably take the child. However, I'd be pretty vigilant about noting any injuries in my log book.

How old is the child?

Have you seen the documentation?

I would really look into this. This is the type of family that could DESTROY your business, reputation and freedom.

If it legitimately happened, then I feel awful for them. If it did not, or they are lying, they wouldn't hesitate to do the same as you (I have seen parents do this when they left the provider on bad terms).

If a provider did that locally, I definitely would have heard about it and the interviewing families story would align.

If I took them on, I would verify the previous provider and then proceed with caution. I would offer to send several photos/videos throughout the day (I do anyway, via facebook). I would be willing to have any time drop ins for a while, maybe even indefinitely, as long as it wasn't at rest time ( ) because I have NOTHING to hide. I would document, maybe even photo document injuries at drop off and prior to pick up daily. I take children 2ish+, so 90% of mine can talk and they tell the parents everything, anyway.

[MarinaVanessa]

I would ask for a copy of the visit and the report from the last provider. I guess for me I would need to see for myself what the accusation was and what the outcome was. There's a difference between an accusation and investigation vs the provider being found guilty of these accusations KWIM. If there was an investigation and the outcome was unfounded or unsubstantiated then I'd be hesitant to accept this family because of the potential risk of false accusations. If the findings were substantiated then I'd be willing to give this family a chance after having a frank conversation with them. A good way to start is to say exactly what you said here ...

I think my program could be very helpful and exactly what you need, not only to meet your daycare needs, but to help you move past what you experienced with your previous provider. However, my hesitation is the potential heightened scrutiny that you may bring, and potential liability. I worry that you will assume any normal bump/scrape is abuse. You do understand that bumps, bruises and scratches are a part of normal play right?

And go from there

[Unregistered]

Thank you for all the advice. The I do believe the abuse was real. While the investigation has not concluded officially, the providers license has been suspended since the day the incident occurred.

During our interview I basically said everything you all have mentioned. I did offer them the spot. I forgot to mention earlier but this family and I share mutual friends and I had met them briefly at social gatherings a couple of times. They were referred to me by a mutual friend who knew I was trustworthy as they were having such a difficult time finding a steady provider. I feel that because they are not complete strangers, it lends them a bit of credibility (as far as me worrying they will falsely accuse me), and it gives me greater credibility in their eyes as well. I also feel enrolling this child will force me to be on my "A" game, which isn't a bad thing, just a little more work.

I will be sure to be extra diligent about documenting any type of injury, no matter how small. As a mother, and human really, my heart breaks for this family and the horror they experienced because another provider couldn't, wouldn't, or didn't know how to recognize when she approached her limit and went over the edge. This can be such a stressful line of work we are in and it is so important to know ourselves and our limitations, and have strategies and plans in place for when we are being pushed to the edge.

Thanks again for the advice, hopefully I will never be back here posting (about this particular family) again.

[christine19720]

I would really look into this. This is the type of family that could DESTROY your business, reputation and freedom.

If it legitimately happened, then I feel awful for them. If it did not, or they are lying, they wouldn't hesitate to do the same as you (I have seen parents do this when they left the provider on bad terms).

If a provider did that locally, I definitely would have heard about it and the interviewing families story would align.

If I took them on, I would verify the previous provider and then proceed with caution. I would offer to send several photos/videos throughout the day (I do anyway, via facebook). I would be willing to have any time drop ins for a while, maybe even indefinitely, as long as it wasn't at rest time ( ) because I have NOTHING to hide. I would document, maybe even photo document injuries at drop off and prior to pick up daily. I take children 2ish+, so 90% of mine can talk and they tell the parents everything, anyway.

This!
In the past I can't even count the families who have come to me and told me their last provider abused their children but in reality the family left on bad terms with their last provider and they were using the abuse accusations as a weapon.
I'm very leery of potential parent's who badmouth their last provider. While, it could be true, the odds point to a disgruntled parent being vindictive toward their last provider and looking for a sympathetic ear.

[Ariana]

Why would any mother send their child to another provider after documented abuse is beyond me. Is it just me or does this send off a red flag for anyone else?? I would live homeless in a box under a bridge if I needed to, to protect my child. Any mother who wouldn't do that is a red flag to me.

Sorry I am being judgy

[childcaremom]

Why would any mother send their child to another provider after documented abuse is beyond me. Is it just me or does this send off a red flag for anyone else?? I would live homeless in a box under a bridge if I needed to, to protect my child. Any mother who wouldn't do that is a red flag to me.

Sorry I am being judgy

I tend to agree with this

[daycarediva]

Why would any mother send their child to another provider after documented abuse is beyond me. Is it just me or does this send off a red flag for anyone else?? I would live homeless in a box under a bridge if I needed to, to protect my child. Any mother who wouldn't do that is a red flag to me.

Sorry I am being judgy

I agree.

[Unregistered]

Why would any mother send their child to another provider after documented abuse is beyond me. Is it just me or does this send off a red flag for anyone else?? I would live homeless in a box under a bridge if I needed to, to protect my child. Any mother who wouldn't do that is a red flag to me.

Sorry I am being judgy

Then you would lose your kid for living in a box anyway. Not everyone has the option to not work for a variety of reasons. My child only has one parent. I work so that my child can eat food, have healthcare, have shelter. I would have to trust that while one provider hurt my child the majority are good caring people.

[MarinaVanessa]

Thank you for all the advice. The I do believe the abuse was real. While the investigation has not concluded officially, the providers license has been suspended since the day the incident occurred.

They have to suspend the license when safety concerns happen. They'd rather close the daycare temporarily and be wrong than to be right and risk other children being abused.

When I first started I took on a client that came from another provider that she claimed had neglected the children in her care and put their safety at risk. She made a complaint with licensing and left the daycare immediately. Licensing suspended the providers license while they conducted the investigation which took months.

During the time that the DCM was with me she gave me a hard time about a lot of my policies. I was new so some of them I was lenient on but with some I didn't. Once I stopped changing my policies for her she started complaining about meals. I had put my foot down about her being on time for meals if her child was going to eat them but she kept coming 30 mins to 1 hour later than breakfast and I refused to bring out food just for her son to eat and would tell her that snack would be in a bit and he could eat then, she complained that I was just going to let her child be hungry and I told her point blank that NO she was letting her child be hungry by not feeding him breakfast at home or dropping him off earlier. I called licensing after the first "discussion" after the third day of the same thing I got a call from my analyst telling me that I had a complaint from someone claiming that I wasn't feeding the children and that I wasn't supervising the children properly. Sound familiar? In the end the other provider was cleared of the accusations and I have reason to believe that the provider didn't want to cater to her demands either so she was falsely reported. The provider was reinstated. Not saying that this is the case in your situation but it does happen.

Glad to hear that you have decided to give it a go. I could see why if you guys share a mutual friend the family would feel more at ease at leaving the child with another FCC. This time at least someone they know knows you. Good luck with the family lovethis