Advice?! Just Opened And Have A VERY Difficult Baby!

[popples1108]

Hello! I just opened my daycare about a month ago. Things are going really well (for the most part), but I am already having an issue with one kiddo. I've already got the others on a pretty regular schedule, they're use to me and the house and are doing great. I also have a 6 month old boy who isn't doing too great. This is his first time with daycare (he's always been with mom and dad) and he's just not adjusting well at all. He wants to be held constantly (which I've dealt with many times before) but when I set him down to try and attend to another kiddo, he completely loses it. He screams and cries so loud that he chokes himself (never seen that with a baby before). His fits cause so much of a disturbance that it really upsets the other kids. None of the other kids are as disruptive when they're upset. When I pick him back up, he's fine (as long as I'm standing, haha, I can't even sit and hold him). When he's not there, everything runs very well but when he's there, everything gets chaotic because he gets so upset so often (his screaming actually scares my 2 year old and the other 3 year old DCK). I've been around kiddos my whole life, I've got 2 of my own, 6 nieces/nephews, etc....I've never quite seen a baby act like that. My husband (who loves kids) was off work and home with us yesterday and he was even amazed.

I feel like I have no choice but to terminate care both for my sanity and for me to be able to take the best care of the other kiddos, but I feel terrible since I'm just opening to have to do this already..??

[Heidi]

This is a plague, I tell ya!

Seriously, read through the threads, and it's the same thing every day. Some kids are either not cut out for group care, or their parent's have "ruined" them for group care.

Either way, he needs his own adult and please DON"T feel guilty. I have 25 years experience with children, am sometimes called the "baby whisperer" by friends, and yet I termed a baby recently. Almost termed one other one earlier this year (but he moved away before I had to).

Do what you have to do, honey! The other children will thank you.

[popples1108]

Thank you! I am really trying not to feel guilty but this little guy just does not feel like a good fit and it is def. interfering with the care I'm able to offer to the other kiddos. IMO, he would be better off somewhere he can get the 1 on 1 care he's used to....I just almost feel like a failure since I'm having to do this already!

[ChelseaB]

Oh my, I feel your pain!!! :hug: a very similar situation occurred for me, but this little one was 4 months when she started. Her mother wanted to switch her from a day care center to my in-home care because of her breastfeeding requests, however, I have reason to believe after the first few instances of DCB's fits that it was a little more. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago (and 8 months after DCB started) that DCM revealed that she would enter the center to her baby fussing and crying, but just lying there and not being tended to. So, I believe I understand why DCB acted out....
It was an unfamiliar setting to her; completely new, and she went from being with momma to strangers. That scared her first. But her constant fussing and need for attention and security wasn't addressed there, so it built her insecurity that by the time she came to me, she was in BAD shape for a group setting. I literally could NOT put her down for even a moment without her screaming and crying like you mentioned your DCB does. This child would not. Even. Nap. I believe I had kept her part time(2 days/week) for 4 weeks before I was at my wits end -- I was literally prepared to term her if that very day did not go any better. But miraculously, she took a nap that day. She slept nearly all day. And it saved us. Lol. We had our moments for the next couple of weeks, but once DKB began crawling, she became one great kid! Her independence freed her, and we were onto a perfect routine!
My point is that it is tough, and I have no clue that I could ever put myself nor my family/daycare family through it ever again. You have to do what is right, no matter how hard it is. Because although I managed to get through it, at what cost? I had dreaded the days she came back then, and I spent so much time stressed out and anxious for the times she'd be here. The utter relief on days that DCM cancelled... I should have acknowledged those signs because sometimes, babies just aren't ready and won't be until they hit that point. Why kill yourself over it? Good luck with whatever you decide!

[renodeb]

Hi,
Terming a family is the hardest part of this job. I had to term a baby a while back for this exact reason. As soon as my other clients deemed him "that kid who always cries, he was out of here. One kid can really color the mood of the whole group. Hand tough and try not to feel guilty, we just cant be all things to all kids.
Deb

[Unregistered]

Thanks for the replies! He's having another really rough day today. He has literally been crying since drop off unless I am holding him (it's now almost 2 and he's also only taken a 20 min nap).. He screams and cries so loud that none of the other kids have been able to nap and everyone is getting cranky. The mom knows it isn't going well and when she picks up tonight, I'm going to tell her we'll give it another few days but that he may be better served somewhere he can get one on one care...I can't give him 100% of my attention with the other kiddos and I feel like all the others are getting less attention :-(

[Heidi]

Thanks for the replies! He's having another really rough day today. He has literally been crying since drop off unless I am holding him (it's now almost 2 and he's also only taken a 20 min nap).. He screams and cries so loud that none of the other kids have been able to nap and everyone is getting cranky. The mom knows it isn't going well and when she picks up tonight, I'm going to tell her we'll give it another few days but that he may be better served somewhere he can get one on one care...I can't give him 100% of my attention with the other kiddos and I feel like all the others are getting less attention :-(

Remember you Shaken Baby Training. It IS okay to put him in another room for a few minutes to take a breath, and to give the other kids a chance to relax.

I would tell mom that you wish it could be otherwise, but that it's just not fair to the other children that they can't get their naps, and that other parents will be complaining about grumpy kiddos.

My own experience with this went really badly. Couldn't be kind enough, and yet mom was still upset. They wanted money (that they weren't entitled to) back, and called licensing when I said no. In the end, licensing agreed I'd done nothing wrong.

If mom is upset, let your regulator know. They like that "heads up".

I know it's hard, but once you get it over with, you'll feel so much relief. An adult beverage may also be in order tonight, if you're so inclined. :hug: