need some help

[daycare]

I have a dck who has been with me almost 2 years. the poor thing has been through so much already in their little life.

parents divorced about a year ago, lost dog, lost granny and has just been bounced all over the place.

Here at my program we are required to do evals, observations and assessments. The child is VERY smart, but will not talk to us at all, unless we almost force him to talk to us, which we really try NOT to do. He was not even on the scale with language or talking every time we conduct one of them above.


The child is 3.5. He does not really talk to the other kids either, will just say words here and there. When he will talk to us he talks so low that we can not hear or understand what is being said. We will have to ask him many times to repeat it. It is never anything that we can understand.

The child is part time and for the most part my staff and environment for the last 2 years has stayed the same since the child has been with us.

We did see some improvement for a while after DCM moved out and the fighting stopped. The child was talking to us a bit and we saw displays of emotion, something we didn't see before. Well now dcd has a new live in roommate that has a child and we are back to no talking and a few bad habits with behavior.

I need some tips on how to help DCK here and how to talk to DCD about this again. I really feel that the child should feel confident and safe in our preschool environment, but it just doesn't feel like he is based on his lack of talking with us and the other kids.

the dcd says the kid talks at home and does NOT see the issue. They refused to have the child evaluated by a professional earlier this year when we conducted the above evals and etc.

I don't know what to do here. HELP, ideas.....

[Thriftylady]

Honestly, he needs evaluated. My neighbors granddaughter is somewhat like you are describing. She won't speak to anyone besides family, even if she knows you. If she knows you and wants to say something, she will whisper it to a family member for them to tell you. She has some other issues also, but she was finally evaluated but only after the school forced it.

[daycare]

ugh hearing this makes me sad.....they don't think the child needs a professional eval. the only thing I can do is just keep doing what I am doing here, but right now I don't know what that thing is. does that make sense.

I don't know how to talk or help him at all

[Thriftylady]

ugh hearing this makes me sad.....they don't think the child needs a professional eval. the only thing I can do is just keep doing what I am doing here, but right now I don't know what that thing is. does that make sense.

I don't know how to talk or help him at all

Makes me wonder if there is anything you can do to "push" an evaluation. I know I can't but I don't know if different states and such offer different options? Makes me wonder what you do if you speak to him with DCD standing there. Not that it matters, my answer remains the same. Sounds to me like dad is in denial and/or doesn't want to admit family problems had compounded this.

[daycare]

Makes me wonder if there is anything you can do to "push" an evaluation. I know I can't but I don't know if different states and such offer different options? Makes me wonder what you do if you speak to him with DCD standing there. Not that it matters, my answer remains the same. Sounds to me like dad is in denial and/or doesn't want to admit family problems had compounded this.

i agree. I think that the parents don't want to admit that there is a possibility that something could be wrong. I already came from the angle that it's always best to be proactive,but since they say the doctor is not concerned then they are not either.

i feel that he has social anxiety and just shuts down in group settings. I am not a doctor, but I have worked with kids long enough to see that something is not right.

[Thriftylady]

i agree. I think that the parents don't want to admit that there is a possibility that something could be wrong. I already came from the angle that it's always best to be proactive,but since they say the doctor is not concerned then they are not either.

i feel that he has social anxiety and just shuts down in group settings. I am not a doctor, but I have worked with kids long enough to see that something is not right.

My neighbors granddaughter does have social anxiety and other issues. She is on anxiety meds and several others now. But until she started school, they didn't get any testing then it took a couple of years to get it all done.

[daycare]

My neighbors granddaughter does have social anxiety and other issues. She is on anxiety meds and several others now. But until she started school, they didn't get any testing then it took a couple of years to get it all done.

I found this website about selective mutism, OMG that sounds just like DCK,

i think i am really going to have to push DCD to go get an eval. It could just be all the recent trauma in his life, it could be that he is just shy. But i would rather have them go and find nothing that to know that I didn't try to get them to go only to find out he does have something wrong.

i was reading that with SM the earlier you get help the better the child has a chance to out grow it. the longer they go without talking, the harder it will be to treat.

thanks so much for always responding to my emails. I am thankful for your time.

[mommiebookworm]

My cousins son had selective mutism. He eventually was put on anti anxiety meds and that has helped him tremendously. He was probably 3 or 4 when it was really noticeable. He's 12 now. He did see a therapist, and also has ocd.

[Thriftylady]

I wasn't sure or any names of things. I do think the grandma may have used that term I really don't remember she gave me a list of things . If you think he has that maybe you should print the info?

ETA: Neighbors granddaughter also has OCD. Most noticeable (to me as an outsider looking in not family or daycare provider) that she always has a pencil, pen or marker she "trills" in her fingers. She will walk up and down the sidewalk doing this.

[Heidi]

My BF's daughter is 16 1/2 and still deals with this. OCD, SM, and SPD. We (friends) KNEW when she was bout 2 1/2 that something was off. Mom finally "believed" us at about 4, and started the long process of getting help. She also had PICA, btw, until at least 5 or 6.

Meds have helped, but really only for a while, and then she topped out, they'd change them, and it'd be back to SM again. She's known me her entire life (I was the first one to hold her after mom), and yet she CAN'T talk to me.

She is actually going through driver's ed now. Mom had to do a lot of intervention before she started. With the license test, it's going to be very tricky!

This will be a life-long challenge for her.

[AmyLeigh]

the dcd says the kid talks at home and does NOT see the issue. They refused to have the child evaluated by a professional earlier this year when we conducted the above evals and etc.

I don't know what to do here. HELP, ideas.....

I love how much you care about your dckids and what an advocate you are for them.

That being said, I don't know how much more you can do for this child within your capacity. They are the parents, if they don't believe there is a problem with the child, no matter what you say, they are not going to seek help. You cannot force them to get the child evaluated. If you press the issue, they may end up leaving.

It's sad, really.